The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

Anything is possible on paper.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Men will fuck mud.

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

A light wife doth make a heavy husband.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.