The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

Acting is not very hard. The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

A light wife doth make a heavy husband.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Housework can kill you if done right.

The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim, 'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and a

Facts are the enemy of truth.

I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only short

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.