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Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

Englan Mark Twain on New


In the long run we are all dead.

Li Mark Twain


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Mark Twain


Words have a longer life than deeds.

Mark Twain


Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Mark Twain


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Mark Twain


A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Mark Twain


We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Mark Twain


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Mark Twain


Sometimes, too long is too long.

Mark Twain


God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Mark Twain


Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

Mark Twain


Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Twain Mark


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Twain Mark


Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Twain Mark


"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Twain Mark


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Twain Mark


If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Twain Mark


One good turn asketh another.

Twain Mark


What an artist dies with me!

Twain Mark


Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Twain Mark


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Twain Mark


Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Twain Mark


Too much of everything is just enough.

Twain Mark


Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Twain Mark


Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Twain Mark


It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Twain Mark


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Twain Mark


"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Twain Mark


The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Twain Mark


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Twain Mark


An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Twain Mark


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Twain Mark


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Twain Mark


Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Twain Mark


You get what you pay for.

Twain Mark


Well begun is half done.

Twain Mark


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Twain Mark


The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Twain Mark


All is well that ends well.

Twain Mark


Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Twain Mark


It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Twain Mark


Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Twain Mark


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Twain Mark


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Twain Mark


Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Twain Mark


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Twain Mark


A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Twain Mark


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Twain Mark


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Twain Mark


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Twain Mark


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Twain Mark


Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Twain Mark


The streets were dark with something more than night.

Twain Mark


Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Twain Mark


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Twain Mark


None love the bearer of bad news.

Twain Mark


Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Twain Mark


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Twain Mark


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Twain Mark


If you want divine justice, die.

Twain Mark


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Twain Mark


NEW YORK

Twain Mark


The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Twain Mark


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Twain Mark


A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Twain Mark


Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Twain Mark


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Twain Mark


Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Twain Mark


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Twain Mark


Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Twain Mark


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Twain Mark


It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Twain Mark


The man who runs may fight again.

Twain Mark


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Twain Mark


There's no justice in this world.

Twain Mark


Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Twain Mark


It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Twain Mark


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Twain Mark


Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Twain Mark


There is no fool to the old fool.

Twain Mark


A word to the wise is enough.

Twain Mark


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Twain Mark


Nothing endures but change.

Twain Mark


Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Twain Mark


Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Twain Mark


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Twain Mark


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Twain Mark


Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Twain Mark


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Twain Mark


And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Twain Mark


Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Twain Mark


Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Twain Mark


He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Twain Mark


There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Twain Mark





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October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Twain Mark

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