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Many hands make light work.

Englan Mark Twain on New


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Li Mark Twain


He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Mark Twain


If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

Mark Twain


Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Mark Twain


Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Mark Twain


A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Mark Twain


The goys have proven the following theorem...

Mark Twain


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Mark Twain


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Mark Twain


Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Mark Twain


The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Mark Twain


Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Twain Mark


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Twain Mark


To add insult to injury.

Twain Mark


"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Twain Mark


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Twain Mark


Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Twain Mark


"Somewhere", said Father Vittorini, "did Blake not speak of the Machineries of Joy? That is, did not God promote environments, then intimidate these Natures by provoking the existence of flesh, toy men and women, such as are we all? And thus happi

Twain Mark


Events are not affected, they develop.

Twain Mark


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Twain Mark


Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Twain Mark


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Twain Mark


The white race is the cancer of history.

Twain Mark


The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

Twain Mark


Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

Twain Mark


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Twain Mark


He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Twain Mark


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Twain Mark


"Plaese porrf raed."

Twain Mark


Honesty's the best policy.

Twain Mark


Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Twain Mark


The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Twain Mark


You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Twain Mark


What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Twain Mark


Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Twain Mark


Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Twain Mark


In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

Twain Mark


Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

Twain Mark


If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Twain Mark


Well begun is half done.

Twain Mark


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Twain Mark


Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Twain Mark


Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Twain Mark


The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Twain Mark


Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

Twain Mark


A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Twain Mark


Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

Twain Mark


It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Twain Mark


Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Twain Mark


Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Twain Mark


Real wealth can only increase.

Twain Mark


Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Twain Mark


Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Twain Mark


There's no such thing as an original sin.

Twain Mark


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Twain Mark


Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Twain Mark


If you want divine justice, die.

Twain Mark


Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Twain Mark


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Twain Mark


Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Twain Mark


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Twain Mark


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Twain Mark


Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Twain Mark


God is Dead.

Twain Mark


Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Twain Mark


There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Twain Mark


Confucius say too much.

Twain Mark


Imagine what we can imagine!

Twain Mark


There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Twain Mark


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Twain Mark


The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Twain Mark


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Twain Mark


You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Twain Mark


America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Twain Mark


Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Twain Mark


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Twain Mark


A word to the wise is enough.

Twain Mark


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Twain Mark


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Twain Mark


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Twain Mark


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Twain Mark


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Twain Mark


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Twain Mark


All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Twain Mark


There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

Twain Mark


I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Twain Mark


Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Twain Mark


There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.

Twain Mark


I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Twain Mark


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Twain Mark


Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

Twain Mark


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Twain Mark


Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

Twain Mark


If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Twain Mark





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There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not.
Benchley Robert

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Twain Mark
 
 
 
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