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If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it.

Englan Mark Twain on New


The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Li Mark Twain


If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

Mark Twain


His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum- stances being what they

Mark Twain


In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.

Mark Twain


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Mark Twain


All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

Mark Twain


I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

Mark Twain


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Mark Twain


Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Mark Twain


Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

Mark Twain


Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Mark Twain


The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Twain Mark


What one fool can do, another can.

Twain Mark


Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Twain Mark


The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.

Twain Mark


When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Twain Mark


The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.

Twain Mark


They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

Twain Mark


Language is a virus from another planet.

Twain Mark


Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Twain Mark


We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Twain Mark


When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property.

Twain Mark


Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Twain Mark


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Twain Mark


Cautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are totally in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately

Twain Mark


The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.

Twain Mark


The Crown is full of it!

Twain Mark


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Twain Mark


I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

Twain Mark


Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Twain Mark


Nothing succeeds like success.

Twain Mark


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Twain Mark


Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

Twain Mark


Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Twain Mark


Sometimes, at the end of the day, when I'm smiling and shaking their hands, I want to kick them.

Twain Mark


A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Twain Mark


Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Twain Mark


Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

Twain Mark


I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Twain Mark


A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.

Twain Mark


It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Twain Mark


There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Twain Mark


Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Twain Mark


Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Twain Mark


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Twain Mark


Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Twain Mark


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Twain Mark


"... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."

Twain Mark


They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

Twain Mark


Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Twain Mark


Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Twain Mark


Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Twain Mark


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Twain Mark


No two persons ever read the same book.

Twain Mark


A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Twain Mark


The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Twain Mark


There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Twain Mark


Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

Twain Mark


I dote on his very absence.

Twain Mark


Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.

Twain Mark


The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Twain Mark


Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Twain Mark


Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Twain Mark


Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

Twain Mark


I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Twain Mark


Littering is dumb.

Twain Mark


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Twain Mark


Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Twain Mark


Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.

Twain Mark


Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Twain Mark


What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Twain Mark


It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Twain Mark


Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Twain Mark


You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Twain Mark


Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.

Twain Mark


Must I hold a candle to my shames?

Twain Mark


Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Twain Mark


Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Twain Mark


Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Twain Mark


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Twain Mark


If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

Twain Mark


Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government, to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.

Twain Mark


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Twain Mark


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Twain Mark


If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Twain Mark


Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Twain Mark


My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

Twain Mark


Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

Twain Mark


There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Twain Mark


You tread upon my patience.

Twain Mark


A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.

Twain Mark


In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Twain Mark


Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Twain Mark


If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Twain Mark





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A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
Tsu Lao

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Twain Mark
 
 
 
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