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To have died once is enough.

Englan Mark Twain on New


Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Li Mark Twain


You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Mark Twain


The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Mark Twain


The faster I go, the behinder I get.

Mark Twain


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Mark Twain


The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Mark Twain


Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Mark Twain


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Mark Twain


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Mark Twain


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Mark Twain


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Mark Twain


Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Twain Mark


Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Twain Mark


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Twain Mark


(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Twain Mark


The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Twain Mark


A full belly makes a dull brain.

Twain Mark


If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Twain Mark


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Twain Mark


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Twain Mark


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Twain Mark


When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Twain Mark


How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Twain Mark


Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Twain Mark


The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Twain Mark


I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Twain Mark


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Twain Mark


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Twain Mark


What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Twain Mark


Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

Twain Mark


Don't get mad, get even.

Twain Mark


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Twain Mark


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Twain Mark


If you want divine justice, die.

Twain Mark


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Twain Mark


If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Twain Mark


If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Twain Mark


Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Twain Mark


"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Twain Mark


A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Twain Mark


Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Twain Mark


Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Twain Mark


Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Twain Mark


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Twain Mark


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Twain Mark


Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Twain Mark


Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Twain Mark


Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Twain Mark


"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Twain Mark


Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Twain Mark


You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Twain Mark


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Twain Mark


It is better to have loved and lost

Twain Mark


Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Twain Mark


A man is known by the company he organizes.

Twain Mark


The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Twain Mark


Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Twain Mark


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Twain Mark


The more the merrier.

Twain Mark


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Twain Mark


Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Twain Mark


Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Twain Mark


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Twain Mark


The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Twain Mark


Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Twain Mark


A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Twain Mark


I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Twain Mark


There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Twain Mark


You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Twain Mark


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Twain Mark


Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Twain Mark


Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Twain Mark


How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Twain Mark


Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Twain Mark


"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Twain Mark


It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Twain Mark


The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Twain Mark


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Twain Mark


A violent man will die a violent death.

Twain Mark


Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Twain Mark


Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Twain Mark


Flame on!

Twain Mark


Nothing succeeds like success.

Twain Mark


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Twain Mark


There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Twain Mark


When the sun shineth, make hay.

Twain Mark


If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Twain Mark


Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Twain Mark


Facts are the enemy of truth.

Twain Mark


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Twain Mark


All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Twain Mark


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Twain Mark


"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Twain Mark


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Twain Mark





Random Quote


The full potentialities of human fury cannot be reached until a friend of both parties tactfully interferes.
Chesterton G.K.

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Twain Mark
 
 
 
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