If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum- stances being what they

In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

What one fool can do, another can.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

Language is a virus from another planet.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Cautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are totally in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately

The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.

The Crown is full of it!

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Nothing succeeds like success.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Sometimes, at the end of the day, when I'm smiling and shaking their hands, I want to kick them.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

"... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

No two persons ever read the same book.

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

I dote on his very absence.

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Littering is dumb.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government, to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

You tread upon my patience.

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.