"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Piece of cake!

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

To use violence is to already be defeated.

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia, I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."

If we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage it, and involve others in our doom.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigo

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

The ripest fruit falls first.

I will make you shorter by the head.