The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

We are what we pretend to be.

In my end is my beginning.

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

I owe the public nothing.

Nothing succeeds like excess.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Necessity has no law.

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.