You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.