"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Talkers are no good doers.

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Small things make base men proud.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.