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Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Allen Woody


The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Allen Woody


Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Allen Woody


There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Allen Woody


Men are superior to women.

Allen Woody


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Allen Woody


Love the sea? I dote upon it

Allen Woody


The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Allen Woody


One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Allen Woody


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Allen Woody


Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Allen Woody


Why be a man when you can be a success?

Allen Woody


It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Allen Woody


The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Allen Woody


A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

Allen Woody


Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Allen Woody


The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Allen Woody


We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Woody Allen


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Woody Allen


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Woody Allen





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A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.
Hawes J.

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Woody Allen
 
 
 
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