Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Men are superior to women.

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Why be a man when you can be a success?

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.