Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we".

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.

per year.

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."

One would like to stroke and caress human beings, but one dares not do so, because they bite.

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

My advice to the women's clubs of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias.

When in doubt, use brute force.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!