A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital, had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.

The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life. I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a robber.

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

Men will fuck mud.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Go ahead... make my day.

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.