An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto

I will make you shorter by the head.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

I steal.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

That's where the money was.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

A snake lurks in the grass.

The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid.

I do desire we may be better strangers.