Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

I dote on his very absence.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.

Character is what you are in the dark!

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend than be one.

Haste makes waste.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

The difference between a misfortune and a calamity? If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, it would be a calamity.

The Crown is full of it!

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.

Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free.

Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?"

They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

War is like love, it always finds a way.

They also serve who only stand and wait.

It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... se

In the misfortune of our friends we find something that is not displeasing to us.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

WE'RE GOING TO THROW THE MX AWAY AFTER WE BUILD IT. The MX is really [Don't tell anybody!] just a "bargaining chip" in the nuclear-arms- reduction talks with the Russians. See, we have a problem with the Russians. They look at our leaders and they

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.