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A full belly makes a dull brain.

Levant Oscar


The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Levant Oscar


The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Oscar Wilde


The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Oscar Wilde


We are what we pretend to be.

Wilde Oscar


I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Wilde Oscar


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Wilde Oscar


I hate dying.

Wilde Oscar


Facts are the enemy of truth.

Wilde Oscar


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Wilde Oscar


Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Wilde Oscar


The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Wilde Oscar


Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Wilde Oscar


No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Wilde Oscar


Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Wilde Oscar


A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

Wilde Oscar


"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Wilde Oscar


If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Wilde Oscar


Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Wilde Oscar


A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Wilde Oscar


My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas

Wilde Oscar


Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Wilde Oscar


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Wilde Oscar


Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Wilde Oscar


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Wilde Oscar


I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Wilde Oscar


One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Wilde Oscar


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Wilde Oscar


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Wilde Oscar


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Wilde Oscar


Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Wilde Oscar


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Wilde Oscar


Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Wilde Oscar


If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Wilde Oscar


God help those who do not help themselves.

Wilde Oscar


Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Wilde Oscar


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Wilde Oscar


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Wilde Oscar


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Wilde Oscar


A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Wilde Oscar


It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Wilde Oscar


Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

o Oscar Levant





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Oh this age! How tasteless and ill-bred it is.
Catullus Gaius Valerius

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
o Oscar Levant
 
 
 
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