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Patch griefs with proverbs.

Abigail Van Buren

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

About Edmond

You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.

About Edmond

Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.

About Edmond

The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum.

Abrams Gen. C.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Acheson Dean

I have often looked at women and committed adultery in my heart.

Acton Lord

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Acton Lord

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Adams D.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

Adams Franklin

To add insult to injury.

Adams Franklin

Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.

Adams Franklin

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Adams Henry

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Adams Henry Brook

Such evil deeds could religion prompt.

Adams John

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Adams John Quincy

Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.

Adams Samuel

A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbour notice it.

Adams Douglas

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.


Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Ade George

Two heads are better than one.

Adenauer Dr. Konrad

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Adenauer Konrad

I'm not the person your mother warned you about... her imagination isn't that good.

Adler Alfred

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Adler Alfred

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Adler Renata

Let's do it.

Adler Bill

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

Adler Bill

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Adler Bill

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

Adler Bill

The better part of valor is discretion.

Adolf Hitler

O, it is excellent To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous To use it like a giant.

Adolph Hitler

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Adolph Hitler

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Advanced R. Bach

What's a cult? It just means not enough people to make a minority.

Adventurer The

It is the business of little minds to shrink.


A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.


The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free.


Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.


"I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but don't let appearances fool you. I'm approaching old age ... at the speed of light."

Afer Terentius

A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

Agnew Spiro

If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.

Agnew Spiro

Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity. Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.

Aiken Howard

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Ajaye Franklyn

You can't have your cake and let your neighbor eat it too.

Ajaye Franklyn

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Ajaye Franklyn

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Al Capone

There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Al Capone

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Aldo Leopold

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.


The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

Alexander Thea

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Alexander. N.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Alexandre Arnoux

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.


With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Ali Muhammad

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Alice Walker

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Alighieri Dante

You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on coming back down.

Alinsky Saul

There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.

Alinsky Saul

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Alinsky Saul

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Alito Noelie

You've always made the mistake of being yourself.

Allan Virginia

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Allen Fred

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

Allen Fred

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Allen Fred

We are all born mad. Some remain so.

Allen Fred

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Allen Fred

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Allen Henry

Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a personality.

Allen Hubert

"I don't understand," said the scientist, "why you lemmings all rush down to the sea and drown yourselves." "How curious," said the lemming. "The one thing I don't understand is why you human beings don't."

Allen Woody

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Allen Woody

[The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful for impotency.

Allen Woody

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Allen Woody

Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.

Allen Woody

You get what you pay for.

Allen Woody

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Allen Woody

It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.

Allen Woody

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Allen Woody

The streets were dark with something more than night.

Allen Woody

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Allen Woody

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Allen Woody

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Allen Woody

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Allen Woody

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Allen Smith

Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner. Conscience makes egotists of us all.

Allen Woody

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Allen Woody

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Allen Woody

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Alo Vincent

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Alphonse Karr

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Alsop Joseph

Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

Altgeld John

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just terrible.

Altman Robert

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.

Ambrose St.

Politicians speak for their parties, and parties never are, never have been, and never will be wrong.

Ambrose Bierce

Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.

Ambrose Bierce

Don't buy a landslide. I don't want to have to pay for one more vote than I have to.

Ambrose Bierce

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

Ambrose Bierce

That's where the money was.

Ambrose Bierce

Who can take the demands of the SDS seriously?

Ambrose Bierce

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.


And what accomplished villains these old engineers were! What diabolical ways to sabotage they found! Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's Comissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the economic problems involved in

Anastasia Albert

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

Anderson Laurie

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Anderson Laurie

As long as I am mayor of this city [Jersey City, New Jersey] the great industries are secure. We hear about constitutional rights, free speech and the free press. Every time I hear these words I say to myself, "That man is a Red, that man is a Comm

Anderson Laurie

Everlasting peace will come to the world when the last man has slain the last but one.

Andre Maurois

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

Anne Frank

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

Anouilh Jean

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

Anouilh Jean

We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.

Anthony Piers

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

Anthony Susan B.

The reason we need the MX missile system is that the missiles we currently have in the ground are the Minuteman model, which is very old. The Defense Department can't even remember where half of them are. Insects have built nests in them. People hav

Antoinette Marie

"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

Appleby Sir Humphrey

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Arendt Hannah

What an artist dies with me!


If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.


Black people have never rioted. A riot is what white people think blacks are involved in when they burn stores.


"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."


Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She


They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.


There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.


Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.


Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time.


Russia has abolished God, but so far God has been more tolerant.


Just weigh your own hurt against the hurt of all the others, and then do what's best.


I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

Arlen Michael

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Armour Richard

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Armstrong Louis

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Arthur Naiman

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Arthur Naiman

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

Arthur Naiman

"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)

Arthur Sullivan

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

Asimov Isaac

Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

Asimov Isaac

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

Aspin Les D.

None love the bearer of bad news.

Asterix Adventures of

I needed the good will of the legislature of four states. I formed the legislative bodies with my own money. I found that it was cheaper that way.

Attorney General William

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Atwood Margaret

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

Auden W.H.

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.


I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Augustine Norman

Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

Augustine Norman

A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.

Augustine Norman

A rich man told me recently that a liberal is a man who tells other people what to do with their money.

Augustine Norman

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

Augustine Norman

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

Augustine Norman

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

Augustine Norman

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

Augustine Saint

Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke. Hartke is a governor or mayor or something from one of the flatter states, and the reason you'll be reading about him is tha

Augustine St.

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Augustine St.

I was in accord with the system so long as it permitted me to function effectively.

Augustine St.

A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

Augustine St.

I owe the public nothing.

Aurelius Marcus

"Any news from the President on a successor?" he asked hopefully. "None," Anita replied. "She's having great difficulty finding someone qualified who is willing to accept the post." "Then I stay," said Dr. Fresh. "I'm not good for much, but I c

Aurelius Sextus

If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in James Watt's office.

Aurobindo Sri

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

Aurobindo Sri

I have a very strange feeling about this...

Austen J.

We must remember that in time of war what is said on the enemy's side of the front is always propaganda and what is said on our side of the front is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace.


Littering is dumb.

Ayres C.E.

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One would like to stroke and caress human beings, but one dares not do so, because they bite.
Lenin Vladimir Il'ich

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