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"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."

Abigail Van Buren

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

About Edmond

Men use thought only to justify their wrong doings, and speech only to conceal their thoughts.

About Edmond

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

About Edmond

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Abrams Gen. C.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Acheson Dean

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.

Acton Lord

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Acton Lord

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on.

Adams D.

Something better... 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? 2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow. 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something l

Adams Franklin

I stick my neck out for nobody.

Adams Franklin

Three things have been difficult to tame: The oceans, fools, and women. We may soon be able to tame the ocean. Fools and women will take a little longer.

Adams Franklin

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Adams Henry

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Adams Henry Brook

Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

Adams John

We ... make the modern error of dignifying the Individual. We do everything we can to butter him up. We give him a name, assure him that he has certain inalienable rights, educate him, let him pass on his name to his brats and when he dies we give

Adams John Quincy

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

Adams Samuel

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Adams Douglas

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.


We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels of destructiveness upon old ones. We have done this helplessly, almost involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream, like lemmings heading

Ade George

I am a deeply superficial person.

Adenauer Dr. Konrad

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Adenauer Konrad

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Adler Alfred

I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

Adler Alfred

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is the reason that He makes so many of them.

Adler Renata

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Adler Bill

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Adler Bill

What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

Adler Bill

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Adler Bill

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Adolf Hitler

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Adolph Hitler

You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.

Adolph Hitler

Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

Advanced R. Bach

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Adventurer The

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.


They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.


Go out and tell a lie that will make the whole family proud of you.


The scum also rises.

Afer Terentius

Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.

Agnew Spiro

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

Agnew Spiro

It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.

Aiken Howard

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Ajaye Franklyn

The language of politics is poetry, not prose. Jackson is poetry. Cuomo is poetry. Dukakis is a word processor.

Ajaye Franklyn

How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?

Ajaye Franklyn

Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Al Capone

You can't have your cake and let your neighbor eat it too.

Al Capone

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Aldo Leopold

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.


Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)


We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Alexander Thea

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

Alexander. N.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Alexandre Arnoux

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.


I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.

Ali Muhammad

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Alice Walker

Who's scruffy-looking?

Alighieri Dante

The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.

Alinsky Saul

The human instinct to censor thrives, as it always will, living in irrepressible conflict with the human instinct to speak. Outrage, self-righteousness, and paranoia feed the maw of censorship. Squelching speech, however, never reduces society's net

Alinsky Saul

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Alinsky Saul

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Alito Noelie

Sin boldly.

Allan Virginia

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Allen Fred

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Allen Fred

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

Allen Fred

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Allen Fred

Long ago I proposed that unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum. The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young.

Allen Fred

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Allen Henry

Honesty's the best policy.

Allen Hubert

As long as there are entrenched social and political distinctions between sexes, races or classes, there will be forms of science whose main function is to rationalize and legitimize these distinctions.

Allen Woody

Harp not on that string.

Allen Woody

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Allen Woody

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty, and the children are above-average.

Allen Woody

That government is best which governs least.

Allen Woody

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Allen Woody

Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

Allen Woody

Events are not affected, they develop.

Allen Woody

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Allen Woody

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

Allen Woody

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Allen Woody

Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon.

Allen Woody

Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.

Allen Woody

There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.

Allen Woody

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Allen Smith

I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and you don't.

Allen Woody

Don't guess

Allen Woody

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Allen Woody

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Alo Vincent

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.

Alphonse Karr

His mind is like a steel trap: full of mice.

Alsop Joseph

Rule the Empire through force.

Altgeld John

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Altman Robert

Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Ambrose St.

were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear signifi

Ambrose Bierce

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Ambrose Bierce

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Ambrose Bierce

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Ambrose Bierce

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Ambrose Bierce

We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.

Ambrose Bierce

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.


As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Anastasia Albert

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Anderson Laurie

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Anderson Laurie

Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all.

Anderson Laurie

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Andre Maurois

Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.

Anne Frank

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Anouilh Jean

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Anouilh Jean

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Anthony Piers

There is always something new out of Africa.

Anthony Susan B.

The more I see of men the more I admire dogs.

Antoinette Marie

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Appleby Sir Humphrey

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Arendt Hannah

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.


A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.


"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."


Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.


All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.


Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.


What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.


If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.


We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.


Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.


The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.


General notions are generally wrong.

Arlen Michael

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Armour Richard

I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.

Armstrong Louis

BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

Arthur Naiman

It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.

Arthur Naiman

We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.

Arthur Naiman

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

Arthur Sullivan

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Asimov Isaac

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Asimov Isaac

"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people"

Aspin Les D.

Talkers are no good doers.

Asterix Adventures of

[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Attorney General William

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Atwood Margaret

Imagine what we can imagine!

Auden W.H.

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.


Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Augustine Norman

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Augustine Norman

I knew one thing: as soon as anyone said you didn't need a gun, you'd better take one along that worked.

Augustine Norman

"Plaese porrf raed."

Augustine Norman

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

Augustine Norman

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Augustine Norman

I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.

Augustine Norman

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Augustine Saint

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.

Augustine St.

The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat,

Augustine St.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Augustine St.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Augustine St.

The man who runs may fight again.

Aurelius Marcus

Hope not, lest ye be disappointed.

Aurelius Sextus

Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.

Aurobindo Sri

Don't say "yes" until I finish talking.

Aurobindo Sri

If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.

Austen J.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.


Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Ayres C.E.

Random Quote

There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.
Joan Didion

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