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The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Abigail Van Buren


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

About Edmond


Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

About Edmond


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

About Edmond


The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

Abrams Gen. C.


A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Acheson Dean


There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Acton Lord


It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Acton Lord


It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Adams D.


Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Adams Franklin


Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Adams Franklin


A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Adams Franklin


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Adams Henry


Don't get mad, get even.

Adams Henry Brook


Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

Adams John


In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Adams John Quincy


If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Adams Samuel


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Adams Douglas


Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

AdamsHenry


Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Ade George


It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Adenauer Dr. Konrad


A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Adenauer Konrad


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Adler Alfred


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Adler Alfred


In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Adler Renata


If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

Adler Bill


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Adler Bill


Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Adler Bill


Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Adler Bill


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Adolf Hitler


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Adolph Hitler


Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

Adolph Hitler


Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Advanced R. Bach


Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Adventurer The


The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

Aeschylus


Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Aeschylus


In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Aeschylus


Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

Aesop


Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Afer Terentius


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Agnew Spiro


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Agnew Spiro


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Aiken Howard


It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Ajaye Franklyn


Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training. And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress I can. Why doesn't anyone

Ajaye Franklyn


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Ajaye Franklyn


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Al Capone


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Al Capone


I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Aldo Leopold


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Alexand


I will make you shorter by the head.

Alexand


XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Alexander Thea


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Alexander. N.


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Alexandre Arnoux


God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

Alfieri


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Ali Muhammad


If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Alice Walker


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Alighieri Dante


Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Alinsky Saul


Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Alinsky Saul


A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Alinsky Saul


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Alito Noelie


In charity there is no excess.

Allan Virginia


A man is known by the company he organizes.

Allen Fred


IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Allen Fred


So little time, so little to do.

Allen Fred


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Allen Fred


After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Allen Fred


You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

Allen Henry


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Allen Hubert


Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Allen Woody


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Allen Woody


British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Allen Woody


If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Allen Woody


They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Allen Woody


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Allen Woody


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Allen Woody


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Allen Woody


With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Allen Woody


An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Allen Woody


Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Allen Woody


The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Allen Woody


Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Allen Woody


Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Allen Woody


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Allen Smith


Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Allen Woody


Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Allen Woody


It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Allen Woody


There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Alo Vincent


An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Alphonse Karr


At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Alsop Joseph


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Altgeld John


What fools these mortals be.

Altman Robert


He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Ambrose St.


It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Ambrose Bierce


"What was the worst thing you've ever done?" "I won't tell you that, but I'll tell you the worst thing that ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."

Ambrose Bierce


It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Ambrose Bierce


There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Ambrose Bierce


As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Ambrose Bierce


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Ambrose Bierce


Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Anacreon


Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Anastasia Albert


Your wig steers the gig.

Anderson Laurie


Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Anderson Laurie


It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Anderson Laurie


Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Andre Maurois


If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Anne Frank


Let your conscience be your guide.

Anouilh Jean


Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Anouilh Jean


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Anthony Piers


Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Anthony Susan B.


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Antoinette Marie


"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Appleby Sir Humphrey


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Arendt Hannah


Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Aristophanes


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Aristophanes


'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Aristophanes


If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Aristotle


Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Aristotle


We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Aristotle


If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Aristotle


The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Aristotle


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Aristotle


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Aristotle


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Aristotle


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Arlen Michael


The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

Armour Richard


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Armstrong Louis


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Arthur Naiman


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Arthur Naiman


Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Arthur Naiman


Knowledge is power.

Arthur Sullivan


None love the bearer of bad news.

Ashley-Pitt Alan


(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Ashley-Pitt Alan


One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Asimov Isaac


It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Asimov Isaac


I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Aspin Les D.


Necessity has no law.

Asterix Adventures of


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Attorney General William


Atwood Margaret


God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Auden W.H.


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Augustine


Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Augustine Norman


Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Augustine Norman


If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Augustine Norman


One big pile is better than two little piles.

Augustine Norman


It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Augustine Norman


Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Augustine Norman


HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Augustine Norman


Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Augustine Saint


The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Augustine St.


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Augustine St.


"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Augustine St.


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Augustine St.


Business will be either better or worse.

Aurelius Marcus


You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Aurelius Sextus


There are no answers, only cross-references.

Aurobindo Sri


Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Aurobindo Sri


If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Austen J.


It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Avery


Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Ayres C.E.





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I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude. I'm a very technical
William Gibson

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