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If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

Abigail Van Buren

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

About Edmond

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

About Edmond

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

About Edmond

Home is where the hurt is.

Abrams Gen. C.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Acheson Dean

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Acton Lord

Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.

Acton Lord

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Adams D.

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.

Adams Franklin

What I tell you three times is true.

Adams Franklin

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Adams Franklin

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is the reason that He makes so many of them.

Adams Henry

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

Adams Henry Brook

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Adams John

Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.

Adams John Quincy

What we do not understand we do not possess.

Adams Samuel

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Adams Douglas

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.


A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

Ade George

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Adenauer Dr. Konrad

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Adenauer Konrad

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

Adler Alfred

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Adler Alfred

You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Adler Renata

Any president should have the right to shoot at least two people a year without explanation.

Adler Bill

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Adler Bill

The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.

Adler Bill

You never gain something but that you lose something.

Adler Bill

There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Adolf Hitler

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Adolph Hitler

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Adolph Hitler

Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.

Advanced R. Bach

I ain't got no quarrel with them Viet Congs.

Adventurer The

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.


The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.


If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government!


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Afer Terentius

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Agnew Spiro

You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Agnew Spiro

Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

Aiken Howard

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Ajaye Franklyn

We should have a Vollyballocracy. We elect a six-pack of presidents. Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.

Ajaye Franklyn

We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.

Ajaye Franklyn

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Al Capone

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

Al Capone

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Aldo Leopold

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.


Rincewind looked down at him and grinned slowly. It was a wide, manic, and utterly humourless rictus. It was the sort of grin that is normally accompanied by small riverside birds wandering in and out, picking scraps out of the teeth.


Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Alexander Thea

The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions. ... The new style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely ins

Alexander. N.

Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race.

Alexandre Arnoux

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.


The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Ali Muhammad

My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

Alice Walker

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Alighieri Dante

I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

Alinsky Saul

There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Alinsky Saul

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Alinsky Saul

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Alito Noelie

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Allan Virginia

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Allen Fred

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Allen Fred

A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which was intended for her preservation.

Allen Fred

Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.

Allen Fred

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Allen Fred

Liberals are the first to dump you if you con them or get into trouble. Conservatives are better. They never run out on you.

Allen Henry

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Allen Hubert

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Allen Woody

It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which all primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the powerful approach of spring, penetrating with joy all of nature, that those Dionysian stirrings arise, which in their int

Allen Woody

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

Allen Woody

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Allen Woody

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

Allen Woody

Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.

Allen Woody

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Allen Woody

To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.

Allen Woody

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Allen Woody

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Allen Woody

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Allen Woody

Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.

Allen Woody

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Allen Woody

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Allen Woody

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Allen Smith

Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Allen Woody

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Allen Woody

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Allen Woody

"Go on, girl! You'll never get a better chance to buy Jif at this price. *Carpe diem*, babe!"

Alo Vincent

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Alphonse Karr

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Alsop Joseph

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Altgeld John

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Altman Robert

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Ambrose St.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Ambrose Bierce

Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.

Ambrose Bierce

Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

Ambrose Bierce

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Ambrose Bierce

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Ambrose Bierce

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Ambrose Bierce

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."


When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Anastasia Albert

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Anderson Laurie

You won't skid if you stay in a rut.

Anderson Laurie

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

Anderson Laurie

If you have seen one city slum you have seen them all.

Andre Maurois

We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.

Anne Frank

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Anouilh Jean

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Anouilh Jean

THE MX IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY. One important reason we have a Defense Department is that when we give it money, it spends it, which creates jobs, whereas if we left the money in the hands of civilians, we don't know what they'd do with it. Probabl

Anthony Piers

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Anthony Susan B.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Antoinette Marie

The man who runs may fight again.

Appleby Sir Humphrey

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.

Arendt Hannah

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"


Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.


The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s


If I had any humility I would be perfect.


The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.


Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.


Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.


She often gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it).


Every country has the government it deserves.


The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.


An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.


Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Arlen Michael

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Armour Richard

Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.

Armstrong Louis

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Arthur Naiman

You'd best be snoozin', 'cause you don't be gettin' no work done at 5 a.m. anyway.

Arthur Naiman

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Arthur Naiman

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Arthur Sullivan

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

Ashley-Pitt Alan

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Asimov Isaac

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Asimov Isaac

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Aspin Les D.

Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Asterix Adventures of

The most disagreeable thing that your worst enemy says to your face does not approach what your best friends say behind your back.

Attorney General William

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.

Atwood Margaret

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Auden W.H.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Augustine Norman

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

Augustine Norman

The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Augustine Norman

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Augustine Norman

You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.

Augustine Norman

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Augustine Norman

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

Augustine Norman

The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use.

Augustine Saint

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Augustine St.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Augustine St.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Augustine St.

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Augustine St.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Aurelius Marcus

You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.

Aurelius Sextus

We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say socialism?

Aurobindo Sri

I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies.

Aurobindo Sri

We're all in this alone.

Austen J.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC


There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Ayres C.E.

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The worst cliques are those which consist of one man.
Shaw G.B.

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