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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Abigail Van Buren

"The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual curiosity."

About Edmond

I am examining you on your fool ideas that no intelligent Christian on earth believes.

About Edmond

If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in James Watt's office.

About Edmond

Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency.

Abrams Gen. C.

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Acheson Dean

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Acton Lord

When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.

Acton Lord

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Adams D.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Adams Franklin

Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.

Adams Franklin

If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last car he ever lays down in front of.

Adams Franklin

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

Adams Henry

Nobody shot me.

Adams Henry Brook

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Adams John

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

Adams John Quincy

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Adams Samuel

Then there's the story of the man who avoided reality for 70 years with drugs, sex, alcohol, fantasy, TV, movies, records, a hobby, lots of sleep... And on his 80th birthday died without ever having faced any of his real problems. The man's young

Adams Douglas

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.


Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Ade George

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Adenauer Dr. Konrad

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Adenauer Konrad

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Adler Alfred

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Adler Alfred

Haste makes waste.

Adler Renata

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Adler Bill

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Adler Bill

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

Adler Bill

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Adler Bill

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Adolf Hitler

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

Adolph Hitler

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Adolph Hitler

Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining his government.

Advanced R. Bach

For courage mounteth with occasion.

Adventurer The

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.


Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.


I've got Hubert's pecker in my pocket.


The health of a democratic society may be measured by the quality of functions performed by private citizens.


The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Afer Terentius

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Agnew Spiro

Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.

Agnew Spiro

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Aiken Howard

Justice is incidental to law and order.

Ajaye Franklyn

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

Ajaye Franklyn

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Ajaye Franklyn

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Al Capone

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

Al Capone

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Aldo Leopold

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!


What luck for the rulers that men do not think.


For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

Alexander Thea

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Alexander. N.

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Alexandre Arnoux

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.


It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Ali Muhammad

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Alice Walker

If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible.

Alighieri Dante

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Alinsky Saul

You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

Alinsky Saul

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Alinsky Saul

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

Alito Noelie

The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism, call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.

Allan Virginia

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Allen Fred

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Allen Fred

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Allen Fred

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

Allen Fred

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Allen Fred

Imagine me going around with a pot belly. It would mean political ruin.

Allen Henry

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Allen Hubert

If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

Allen Woody

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Allen Woody

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Allen Woody

If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not far to seek. ... The

Allen Woody

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Allen Woody

Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters.

Allen Woody

Why, every one as they like; as the good woman said when she kissed her cow.

Allen Woody

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

Allen Woody

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

Allen Woody

Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training. And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress I can. Why doesn't anyone

Allen Woody

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Allen Woody

Walk softly and carry a big stick.

Allen Woody

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Allen Woody

It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

Allen Woody

To know Edina is to reject it.

Allen Smith

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

Allen Woody

The Least Successful Police Dogs America has a very strong candidate in "La Dur", a fearsome looking schnauzer hound, who was retired from the Orlando police force in Florida in 1978. He consistently refused to do anything which might ruffle or of

Allen Woody

Sometimes I get the feeling that I went to a party on Perry Lane in 1962, and the party spilled out of the house, and came down the street, and covered the world.

Allen Woody

Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Alo Vincent

It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Alphonse Karr

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Alsop Joseph

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

Altgeld John

Small things make base men proud.

Altman Robert

What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way?

Ambrose St.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Ambrose Bierce

Don't be humble ... you're not that great.

Ambrose Bierce

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

Ambrose Bierce

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Ambrose Bierce

If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.

Ambrose Bierce

Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.

Ambrose Bierce

There seems no plan because it is all plan.


Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Anastasia Albert

In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.

Anderson Laurie

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Anderson Laurie

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Anderson Laurie

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Andre Maurois

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Anne Frank

The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

Anouilh Jean

The major sin is the sin of being born.

Anouilh Jean

Carol's head ached as she trailed behind the unsmiling Calibrees along the block of booths. She chirruped at Kennicott, "Let's be wild! Let's ride on the merry-go-round and grab a gold ring!" Kennicott considered it, and mumbled to Calibree, "Thin

Anthony Piers

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Anthony Susan B.

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Antoinette Marie

Man is the measure of all things.

Appleby Sir Humphrey

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Arendt Hannah

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.


Old age is always fifteen years old than I am.


It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.


The problem with me is that I am fifty or one hundred years ahead of my time. My speed is very fast. Some ministers have had to drop out of my government because they could not keep up.


In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag


According to my best recollection, I don't remember.


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin


were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear signifi


A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.


Men ought to know that from the brain and from the brain only arise our pleasures, joys, laughter, and jests as well as our sorrows, pains, griefs and tears. ... It is the same thing which makes us mad or delirious, inspires us with dread and fear,


Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Arlen Michael

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Armour Richard

We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

Armstrong Louis

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Arthur Naiman

To teach is to learn twice.

Arthur Naiman

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Arthur Naiman

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

Arthur Sullivan

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."

Asimov Isaac

The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment. To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.

Asimov Isaac

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Aspin Les D.

People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.

Asterix Adventures of

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Attorney General William

The scum also rises.

Atwood Margaret

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Auden W.H.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.


My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Augustine Norman

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Augustine Norman

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

Augustine Norman

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Augustine Norman

Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.

Augustine Norman

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Augustine Norman

I am not now and never have been a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.

Augustine Norman

All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.

Augustine Saint

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.

Augustine St.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Augustine St.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Augustine St.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Augustine St.

The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.

Aurelius Marcus

You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on coming back down.

Aurelius Sextus

Many mental processes admit of being roughly measured. For instance, the degree to which people are bored, by counting the number of their fidgets. I not infrequently tried this method at the meetings of the Royal Geographical Society, for even ther

Aurobindo Sri

Practice is the best of all instructors.

Aurobindo Sri

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Austen J.

A dead man cannot bite.


For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.

Ayres C.E.

Random Quote

Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."
Adler Bill

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