God help those who do not help themselves.

I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black people and it was hard for me to come back to the bullshit white people put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any power to make things differen

"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."

Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.

Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

You never gain something but that you lose something.

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.

We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

Where you stand depends on where you sit.

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Never promise more than you can perform.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

... [after the announcement of Vanguard] ... Secretary of Defense Charles Wilson (the same "Engine Charlie" who once told the Senate, "[F]or years I've thought that what was good for our country was good for General Motors, and vice versa," probably

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

The perfect friend sees the best in you

per year.

All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

I'm never through with a girl until I've had her three ways.

Prizes are for children.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot. Mother and I will grieve, but we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

You know very well that whether you are on page one or page thirty depends on whether [the press] fear you. It is just as simple as that.

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

The farther you go, the less you know.

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.

History shows that the human mind, fed by constant accessions of knowledge, periodically grows too large for its theoretical coverings, and bursts them asunder to appear in new habiliments, as the feeding and growing grub, at intervals, casts its too

You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.

We are anthill men upon an anthill world.

Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

"I don't know whether God exists or not, but it makes no difference to me." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything."

Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on.

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their

The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

The worst is not so long as we can say "This is the worst."

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

One good turn asketh another.

Richard Nixon was the most dishonest individual I have ever met in my life. He lied to his wife, his family, his friends, his colleagues in the Congress, lifetime members of his own political party, the American people, and the world.

You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time.

Your wig steers the gig.

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.

All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.

My rackets are run on strictly American lines, and they're going to stay that way.

The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and

It is not the critic who counts, or how the strong man stumbled, or whether the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives vali

Men are superior to women.

Better the prince of some inferior court, Than second, or less, in beatific light.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

But you shall not escape my iambics.

It is better to have loved and lost

Man is a military animal, glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way?

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Justice is incidental to law and order.

If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

A witty saying proves nothing.

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

The coast was clear.

"Remember, if it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's ___not the U.S. Army doing it!"

Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

THE MX IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY. One important reason we have a Defense Department is that when we give it money, it spends it, which creates jobs, whereas if we left the money in the hands of civilians, we don't know what they'd do with it. Probabl

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

"Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware."

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should therefore be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated. If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to declare war and they are screened at onc

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Too much is just enough.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

To teach is to learn twice.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

The nearer to the church, the further from God.

The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use.

We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

Go ahead... make my day.

There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.

There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.

You'd better smile when they watch you, smile like you're in control.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. "Cabbages and potatoes are better for you and me."

You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.

A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Don't vote

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Don't overdo it.

I think the world is run by C students.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.

I go the way that Providence dictates.

I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat your own family with loving un

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends.

Who can take the demands of the SDS seriously?

I don't give a shit what happens. I want you all to stonewall it. Let them plead the Fifth Amendment, cover up, or anything else if it'll save the plan.

Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!

What good is it if you talk in flowers, and they think in pastry?

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down, and its salient virtuosi a gang of umitigated scoundrels? Then let us not forget its high capacity to soo

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Beggars should be no choosers.

Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent. When Lord Copper was right he said "Definitely, Lord Copper"; when he was wrong, "Up to a point." "Let me see, what's the name of the place I mean? Capital of Japan? Yokoh

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts."

You must know that a man can have only one invulnerable loyalty, loyalty to his own concept of the obligations of manhood. All other loyalties are merely deputies of that one.

You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.

Too much of everything is just enough.

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid.

Think sideways!

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Save the Whales

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

"Nuclear war would really set back cable."

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.

Forgive and forget.

You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions. ... The new style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely ins

The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

I have often looked at women and committed adultery in my heart.

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

No two persons ever read the same book.

The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.

Going into politics is as fatal to a gentleman as going into a bordello is fatal to a virgin.

Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.

Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

How should they answer?

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

Walk softly and carry a big stick.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

"Life is too important to take seriously."

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

No Marxist can deny that the interests of socialism are higher than the interests of the right of nations to self-determination.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbour notice it.

You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on coming back down.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

He who slings mud generally loses ground.

We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

No television performance takes as much preparation as an off-the-cuff talk.

Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

"Plaese porrf raed."

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

The broad mass of a nation... will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.

There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.