You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Save the Whales

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Events are not affected, they develop.

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

There is no sin but ignorance.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

One good turn asketh another.

The world wants to be deceived.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Littering is dumb.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Necessity has no law.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Nothing recedes like success.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Too much of everything is just enough.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

A man's house is his castle.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

There is always something new out of Africa.

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

I owe the public nothing.

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Genius is pain.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

In the long run we are all dead.

Odets, where is thy sting?

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Nice guys finish last.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

The best you get is an even break.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

We are what we pretend to be.

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Turn the other cheek.

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

The superfluous is very necessary.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

The farther you go, the less you know.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Words have a longer life than deeds.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

What!? Me worry?

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Go away, I'm all right.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

There is no proverb that is not true.

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

So little time, so little to do.

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

All is well that ends well.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

per year.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Business will be either better or worse.

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Don't get mad, get even.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

I love treason but hate a traitor.

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

In my end is my beginning.

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

One good turn deserves another.

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

It is better to have loved and lost

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

A violent man will die a violent death.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

None love the bearer of bad news.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Leave no stone unturned.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

"Life is too important to take seriously."

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Let your conscience be your guide.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.