"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Another day, another dollar.

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

That's no moon...

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Every why hath a wherefore.

America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

The more the merrier.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

"What was the worst thing you've ever done?" "I won't tell you that, but I'll tell you the worst thing that ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

There is always something new out of Africa.

The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.

Go ahead... make my day.

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East. They treat the Arabs like postmen.

The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food. The wo

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;

When in doubt, tell the truth.

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Necessity hath no law.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Look ere ye leap.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

There's no justice in this world.

AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! AWAKE!

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

What we wish, that we readily believe.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum- stances being what they

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

We're all in this alone.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

All phone calls are obscene.

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

While there's life, there's hope.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

There is no fool to the old fool.

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

If you lose a son you can always get another, but there's only one Maltese Falcon.

Littering is dumb.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Tempt not a desperate man.

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Let your conscience be your guide.

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

The nearer to the church, the further from God.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Flame on!

The goys have proven the following theorem...

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

One good turn deserves another.

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

It looks like it's up to me to save our skins. Get into that garbage chute, flyboy!

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

A word to the wise is enough.

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

A yawn is a silent shout.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

"There is a God, but He drinks"

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

My dear People. My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks, and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good Sackville Bagginses that I w

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

Getting into trouble is easy.

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

No good deed goes unpunished.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

"... all the modern inconveniences ..."

Look before you leap.

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

If there is no wind, row.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

When in doubt, use brute force.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."

There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!

Men are superior to women.

God help those who do not help themselves.

No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

Small is beautiful.

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind- bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument follows:

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

Why be a man when you can be a success?

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!