People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.

If you want divine justice, die.

There appears to be irrefutable evidence that the mere fact of overcrowding induces violence.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties.

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

There is no proverb that is not true.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Every cloud engenders not a storm.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Innovation is hard to schedule.

NEW YORK

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Big book, big bore.

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Carol's head ached as she trailed behind the unsmiling Calibrees along the block of booths. She chirruped at Kennicott, "Let's be wild! Let's ride on the merry-go-round and grab a gold ring!" Kennicott considered it, and mumbled to Calibree, "Thin

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

Housework can kill you if done right.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

"It says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side."

A word to the wise is enough.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO" represents the secondary theme: Law Enforcement Officials The overall theme of SoupCon shall be: Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

There must be more to life than having everything.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Small things make base men proud.

Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

While there's life, there's hope.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

The streets were dark with something more than night.

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions. ... The new style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely ins

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour.

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

To know Edina is to reject it.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

That government is best which governs least.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

None love the bearer of bad news.

My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

The nearer to the church, the further from God.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Prizes are for children.

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

The ripest fruit falls first.

The Crown is full of it!

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Most general statements are false, including this one.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

This was the most unkindest cut of all.

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Go ahead... make my day.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

... difference of opinion is advantagious in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor morum over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity,

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice.

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Look ere ye leap.

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Acting is not very hard. The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.

What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

So little time, so little to do.

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Many of the characters are fools and they are always playing tricks on me and treating me badly.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

God helps them that help themselves.

Art is a jealous mistress.

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument.

The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Confucius say too much.

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

The dirty work at political conventions is almost always done in the grim hours between midnight and dawn. Hangmen and politicians work best when the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.

"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."

But you shall not escape my iambics.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.

Don't guess

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.

Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.