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No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

B Marion Zimmer

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Ba Dave

The world wants to be deceived.

Baber R.E.

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Babson Roger

Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference: "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious, isn't

Bacall Lauren

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

Bach J.S.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Bach Richard

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Bacharach Burt

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Bacon Francis

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Bacon Francis

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Bacon Francis

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Bacon Francis

Many hands make light work.

Bacon Francis

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Bacon Francis

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Bacon Francis

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Bacon Francis

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Bailey P.J.

General notions are generally wrong.

Baja Dan Jenkins

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

Baker Russell

Confucius say too much.

Baker Russell

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Baker Russell

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Baker Russell

The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

Baldwin James

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Baldwin Stanley

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.


Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Balfour Arthur

Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Balliett Whitney

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Ballou Hosea

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.


It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

Balzac Honor'e de

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Bandits Time

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Bankhead Tallulah

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Banks Russell

It's not easy, being green.

Banzai Buckaroo

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Barber Milt

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.


Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

Barf Biff

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

Barker Clive

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

Barrie J.M.

What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Barris Chuck

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Barry Dave

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Barry Dave

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Barry Dave

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Barry Dave

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Barry Dave

Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Barry Dave

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Barry Dave

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Barry Dave

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Barry Dave

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Barry Dave

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Barry Dave

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Barry Dave

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Barry Dave

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

Barry Dave

France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Barry Dave

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Barry Dave

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Barry Dave

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Barry Dave

With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Barry Dave

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Barry Dave

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Barry Dave

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Barry Dave

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Barry Dave

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Barry Dave

Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Barry Dave

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Barry Dave

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Barry Dave

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

Barry Dave

Charity begins at home.

Barry Dave

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Barry Dave

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Barry Dave

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Barry Dave

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Barry Dave

Beggars should be no choosers.

Barry Dave

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Barry Dave

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Barry Dave

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Barry Dave

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Barry Dave

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Barry Dave

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Barry Dave

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Barry Dave

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.

Barry Dave

You get what you pay for.

Barry Dave

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Barry Dave

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Barry Dave

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Barry Dave

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

Barry Dave

Events are not affected, they develop.

Barry Dave

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Barry Dave

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Baruch B.

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Battie Bill

Set the cart before the horse.

Baudelaire Charles

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Beal Louise

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

Bear Greg


Beard Charles A.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Beard Peter

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Beaton Cecil

Home is where the hurt is.

Beatty Paul

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Beauvoir Simone de

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace

Beck Bob

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Becke Samuel

If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.


"... all the modern inconveniences ..."

Beckett Samuel

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Beckett Samuel

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Beckett Samuel

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Beckman Roman

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Beeblebrox Zaphod

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

Beecher Rev. Henry Ward

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Beer Stafford

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Behan Brendan

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Behan Brendan

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Behan Brendan

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Behan Brendan

The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

Belloc Hilaire

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Bellow Saul

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

Ben Franklin

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Benares Camden

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Benares Camden

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Benchley Robert

"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."

Benchley Robert

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Benchley Robert

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Benchley Robert

Acting is not very hard. The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.


There's no such thing as an original sin.

Benjamin A.

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Bennett Alan

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Bennett Arnold

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

Bennett D.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Bennett James Gordon

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Bennett W.C.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Bennett W.C.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Bergen Candice

My dear People. My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks, and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good Sackville Bagginses that I w

Berle Milton

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Berlioz Hector

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Berman Edgar

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Bernanos Georges

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Berner Jeff

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Berquier Edouard

I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.

Berra Yogi

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Berra Yogi

The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food. The wo

Berryman John

Well begun is half done.

Biel Gabriel

That's no moon...

Bierce Ambrose

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Bierce Ambrose

It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are.

Bierce Ambrose

After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Bierce Ambrose

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Bierce Ambrose

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Bierce Ambrose

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Bierce Ambrose

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Bierce Ambrose

Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

Bierce Ambrose

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Bierce Ambrose

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Bilbo Baggins

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... se

Bill Adler

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Bill Cain

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Bill Cain

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Billings Josh

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

Billings Josh

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Billings Josh

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

Billings Josh

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Billings Josh

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Billings Josh

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Billings Josh

There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.

Binder Dr. L.

Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"

Binstead Arthur

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.


She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.


It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.


How apt the poor are to be proud.

Bir Fred Nietzsche The

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

Bismarck Otto Von

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

Bismarck Otto Von

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Bismarck Otto von

No two persons ever read the same book.

Bismarck Otto von

If God is One, what is bad?

Bismarck Otto von

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

Bismark Otto von

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal


You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.


The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Blake William

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Blake William

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Blake William

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Blake William

You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

Blake William

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Blaylock James P.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Blaylock James P.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Blaylock James P.

They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Blaylock James P.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Blish James

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.


Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.

Bo Napoleon

I'll turn over a new leaf.

Bo Napoleon

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Bob Cary Grant

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

Bob Dylan

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Boffo Mister

A witty saying proves nothing.

Bogart Humphrey

None love the bearer of bad news.

Bogart Humphrey

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Bohr Niels

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Boleyn Anne

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Bombeck Erma

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Bombeck Erma

If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.

Bon John Dillinger on

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Bono Ed De

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Bonzai Buckaroo

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Boorstin Daniel J.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Boren James H.

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

Borge Victor

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Bosky Bernadette

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Bosquet Pierre

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Bossert W.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Boswell James

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Bowie David

We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

Bowles Colin

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Bowles Colin

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Bradbury Ray

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Bradley F.H.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Bradley General Omar N.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Bramah Ernest

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Brandeis Justice Louis D.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Brando Marlon

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Brando Marlon

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Brant Sebastian

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Braun Wernher von

We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto

Brecher K.

An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.

Brecheux J.

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Brecht Bertold

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Brecht Bertolt

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Brecht Bertolt

If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not far to seek. ... The

Brecht Bertolt

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Brecht Bertolt

The goys have proven the following theorem...

Brecht Bertolt

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Brecht Bertolt

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Brecht Bertolt

For a light heart lives long.

Brenan Gerald

I love treason but hate a traitor.

Brescia Albertano of

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

Brian Herbert

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Briggs Austen

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Brilliant Ashleigh

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Brilliant Ashleigh

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Brilliant Ashleigh

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Brilliant Ashleigh

If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Brilliant Ashleigh

Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

Broder David

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Brodsky Joseph

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Brogan Colm

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Brooks Mel

"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."

Brooks Atkinson

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Brooks Mel

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Brooks Mel

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Brothers The Blues

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Brothers The Blues

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Broughton Philip

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Brow John Mason

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

Brow John Mason

Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

Brown Governor Jerry

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Brown Rita Mae

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Browning Robert

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Bruce Lenny

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Bruce Lenny

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Bruce Lenny

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Bruce Lenny

Small is beautiful.

Bruce Lenny

All phone calls are obscene.

Bruce Lenny

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Bruce Lenny

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Bruce Lenny

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Bruce Lenny

Words have a longer life than deeds.

Bruce Lenny

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Bruce Lenny

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Brunner John

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Bruyere Jean de la

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Bry Yul

What I tell you three times is true.

Bryson Lyman

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Buckley Lord

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Buckley William F.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Buckley William F.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Buddha Gotama

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

Bullwinkle Rocky and

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Bullwinkle J. Moose

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Bulwer-Ly Grand Panjandrum

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of


In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.


Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.


Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Bumstead Dagwood

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Bungei Shunju

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Buren Abigail Van

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Buren Abigail Van

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Burgess Anthony

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Burgess Philip Larkin on Anthony

A is for Apple.

Burke James

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Burnham Daniel Hudson

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Burns George

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Burns George

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Burroughs William

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Burroughs William S.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Burt Lanier Safford III

I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

Burton Robert

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Burton Sir Richard

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

Burton Sir Richard

Language is a virus from another planet.

Business Risky

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Butler Dave

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Butler Samuel

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Butler Samuel

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Butler Samuel

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Butler Samuel

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.

Butler Samuel

Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Butler Samuel

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Butler Samuel

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Bux Bastian B.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Byrnes James F.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Bywater T.

Haste makes waste.

beach. from the

better. much

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Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!
Organa Princess Leia

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