per year.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Better late than never.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

We're all in this alone.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Well begun is half done.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Imagine what we can imagine!

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

To teach is to learn twice.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Anything is possible on paper.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

The farther you go, the less you know.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Who's scruffy-looking?

We're only in it for the volume.

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

It is better to have loved and lost

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

There's no justice in this world.

Out of sight is out of mind.

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

If you want divine justice, die.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Naked children have never played in _o_u_r fountains, and I.M. Pei will never be happy on Route 66.

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

That's no moon...

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Nothing endures but change.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Necessity has no law.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

I hate quotations.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

One good turn deserves another.

What!? Me worry?

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

A man is known by the company he organizes.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

A violent man will die a violent death.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Look before you leap.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Men will fuck mud.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Knowledge is power.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

If there is no wind, row.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Don't get mad, get even.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.