All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Never buy from a rich salesman.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Turn the other cheek.

A dead man cannot bite.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

The world wants to be deceived.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

There is no proverb that is not true.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Mum's the word.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

I hate quotations.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

A man is known by the company he organizes.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

There must be more to life than having everything.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

No evil can happen to a good man.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Nice guys finish last.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

In my end is my beginning.

Charity begins at home.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

One good turn deserves another.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Look ere ye leap.

When in doubt, use brute force.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Haste makes waste.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Forgive and forget.

A violent man will die a violent death.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

In the long run we are all dead.

It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Small is beautiful.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Why be a man when you can be a success?

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

Two heads are better than one.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

The fact that it works is immaterial.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Men are superior to women.

Practice yourself what you preach.

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

A word to the wise is enough.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

To have died once is enough.

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

All is well that ends well.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Necessity hath no law.

Look before you leap.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

The best you get is an even break.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

The farther you go, the less you know.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Man is the measure of all things.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Faith is under the left nipple.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

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Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

If God is One, what is bad?

Never promise more than you can perform.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

What one fool can do, another can.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

A snake lurks in the grass.

Odets, where is thy sting?

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment