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It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Ca Mona


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Cadmus


If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Caen Herb


Let sleeping dogs lie.

Caen Herb


Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Caesar Augustus


A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Caesar Augustus


Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Caesar Gaius Julius


Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

Caesar Gaius Julius


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Caesar Gaius Julius


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Caesar Julius


Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Caesar Sid


It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Cage John


Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Cage John


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Callimachus


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Cam Kurt Vonnegut


Language is a virus from another planet.

Cameron Simon


Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Cami Pat Calafia


In my end is my beginning.

Camp Henry N.


Your wig steers the gig.

Camus


He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Camus A.


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Camus Albert


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Camus Albert


There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Camus Albert


The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Camus Albert


He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Camus Albert


We are what we pretend to be.

Capone Al


Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Capone Al


I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Capone Al


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Capp Andy


The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Captain Ahab


Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Cardozo Benjamin


... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Carlevale Edmund


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Carlin George


An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Carlyle


Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Carlyle Thomas


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Carlyle Thomas


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Carlyle Thomas


If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Carlyle Thomas


Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Carnegie Andrew


Men will fuck mud.

Carpenter Elizabeth


He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Carroll Lewis


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Carroll Lewis


Forgive and forget.

Carroll Lewis


If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

Carroll Lewis


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Carroll Lewis


I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Carson Johnny


By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Carson Johnny


Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Carson Johnny


Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Carson Johnny


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Carter Jimmy


Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Carus Titus Lucretius


Facts are the enemy of truth.

Carus Titus Lucretius


The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Carus Titus Lucretius


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Carus Titus Lucretius


Things are not always what they seem.

Cassidy Butch


The superfluous is very necessary.

Castro Fidel


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Catalog Whole Earth


No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Catflap Filthy Rich and


The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Catlin Wynn


We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Cato


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Cato Marcus Procius


If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Catullus Gaius Valerius


Necessity has no law.

Catullus Gaius Valerius


If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Catullus Gaius Valerius


When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Caussade De


Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Cavour Camillo Di


Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Celine Louis-Ferdinand


Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Cervantes


The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Cervantes


The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Cervantes


Nothing recedes like success.

Cervantes


Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Cervantes Miguel de


It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Cervantes Miguel de


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Cervantes Miguel de


The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Cervantes Miguel de


A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Cervantes Miguel de


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Cervantes Miguel de


Nice guys finish last.

Cervantes Miguel de


Leave no stone unturned.

Cervantes Miguel de


A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Cervantes Miguel de


Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Cervantes Miguel de


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Cervantes Miguel de


"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Ch St. John


A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Chadwick Hal


The farther you go, the less you know.

Chamfort Nicolas


It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Chandler Raymond


Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Chandler Raymond


I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Chandler Raymond


My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Chandler Raymond


Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Channing William Ellery


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Chapelain Maurice


Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Chaplin Charlie


A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Chapman George


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Charles Chincholles


From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Charles Darling


Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Charles Darling


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Charles Dickens


It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Charles Dickens


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Charles Dickens


It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Charles Ives


Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Charles Schulz


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Charlie Crazy


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Charlot


Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Chateaubriand


A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Chavez Cesar


And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Chaykin Howard


What!? Me worry?

Chazal


Faith is under the left nipple.

Cheever John


Imagine what we can imagine!

Chesterson Gilbert K.


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Chesterton G. K.


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Chesterton G.K.


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Chesterton G.K.


L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Chesterton G.K.


Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Chesterton G.K.


The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Chesterton G.K.


Men are superior to women.

Chesterton G.K.


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Chesterton G.K.


Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Chevalier Maurice


Two heads are better than one.

Chevins Anthony


Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Chichester Reverend


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Chill The Big


Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Chilo


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Chris Robert


The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Christ Jesus


Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Chuang-tzu


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Chuang-tzu


HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Chuck Jones


To do two things at once is to do neither.

Churchill


"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Churchill W.


Charity begins at home.

Churchill Winston


If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Churchill Winston


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Churchill Winston


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Churchill Winston


Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Churchill Winston


Look before you leap.

Churchill Winston


I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Churchill Winston


To lead people, you must follow behind.

Churchill Winston


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Churchill Winston


"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Churchill Winston


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Churchill Winston


Piece of cake!

Churchill Winston


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Churchill Winston


Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Churchill Winston


In the long run we are all dead.

Churchill Winston


We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Churchill W.


So little time, so little to do.

Churchill W.


Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Churchill Winston


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Churchill Winston


A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Churchill Winston


"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Churchill Winston


Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Ciardi John


Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Ciardi John


If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Ciardi John


If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Cicero Marcus Tullius


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


If you want divine justice, die.

Claghorn Senator


Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Clapton Eric


There is no proverb that is not true.

Clarence Darrow to William


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Clark Alex


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Clark Blake


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Clark Ramsey


Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Clarke Arthur


Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Clarke Arthur C.


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Clarke Arthur C.


With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Cleaver Eldridge


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Clemenceau


It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Clement Hal


In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Cleyre Voltarine de


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Clifton Fadiman


Flame on!

Clopton R.


A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Clough Arthur


The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Cocteau Jean


I love treason but hate a traitor.

Cocteau Jean


Don't guess

Cohan George M.


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Cohan George M.


Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Cohen Mickey


Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Cohen Leonard


All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Cointment Joe


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Coke Sir Edward


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Col Lew


Confucius say too much.

Colby Frank Moore


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Colby F.M.


There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Colton


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Colton C.C.


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Comics Green Lantern


If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Confucius


He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Confucius


Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Confucius


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Confucius


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Confucius


If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Confucius


A man is known by the company he organizes.

Confucius


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Confucius


The best you get is an even break.

Confucius


A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Conrad


Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Conrad Joseph


A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Conrad Joseph


I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Coo Alistair


... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Cooke Alistair


I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Cooke Alistair


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Coolidge Calvin


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Coolidge Calvin


We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Coolidge Calvin


Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Coolidge Calvin


The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Coolidge Calvin


To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Coolidge Calvin


I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Coolidge Calvin


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Cooper A.


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Cooper Jeff


Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Corwin Prince of


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Costello E.


... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

Costello Elvis


Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Costello Elvis


If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

Costello Elvis


Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Coult Alan


When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Couple The Odd


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Cousins Norman


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Cousins Norman


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Coward Noel


To generalize is to be an idiot.

Cowboy The


Events are not affected, they develop.

Crane Dr. Frank


Another day, another dollar.

Crane Frank


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Crane Stephen


It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Crane Stephen


The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Credo The Webb Wilder


Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Crisp Quentin


Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Crisp Quentin


Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Crisp Quentin


The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Croll John


He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Cromwell Oliver


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Crosby Norm


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Crowe Joe


Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Crumb R.


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Cuomo Mario


It is better to have loved and lost

Curtis Charles


Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Cynic Diogenes the


(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

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Williams Tennessee

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