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The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Ca Mona

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Caen Herb

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Caen Herb

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Caesar Augustus

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Caesar Augustus

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Caesar Gaius Julius

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Caesar Gaius Julius

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Caesar Gaius Julius

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Caesar Julius

Faith is under the left nipple.

Caesar Sid

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Cage John

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Cage John

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Cam Kurt Vonnegut

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Cameron Simon

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Cami Pat Calafia

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Camp Henry N.

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.


Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Camus A.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Camus Albert

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Camus Albert

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Camus Albert

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Camus Albert

Business will be either better or worse.

Camus Albert

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Capone Al

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Capone Al

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Capone Al

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Capp Andy

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Captain Ahab

Confucius say too much.

Cardozo Benjamin

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Carlevale Edmund

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Carlin George

God is Dead.


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Carlyle Thomas

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Carlyle Thomas

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Carlyle Thomas

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Carlyle Thomas

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Carnegie Andrew

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Carpenter Elizabeth

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Carroll Lewis

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Carroll Lewis

To add insult to injury.

Carroll Lewis

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Carroll Lewis

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Carroll Lewis

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Carson Johnny

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Carson Johnny

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Carson Johnny

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Carson Johnny

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Carter Jimmy

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Carus Titus Lucretius

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Carus Titus Lucretius

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Carus Titus Lucretius

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Carus Titus Lucretius

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

Cassidy Butch

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Castro Fidel

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Catalog Whole Earth

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Catflap Filthy Rich and

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Catlin Wynn

The chief cause of problems is solutions.


Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Cato Marcus Procius

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Catullus Gaius Valerius

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Caussade De

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Cavour Camillo Di

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Celine Louis-Ferdinand

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.


The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.


There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Cervantes Miguel de

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Cervantes Miguel de

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Cervantes Miguel de

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Cervantes Miguel de

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Cervantes Miguel de

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Cervantes Miguel de

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Cervantes Miguel de

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Cervantes Miguel de

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Cervantes Miguel de

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Cervantes Miguel de

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Cervantes Miguel de

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Ch St. John

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Chadwick Hal

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Chamfort Nicolas

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Chandler Raymond

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Chandler Raymond

I owe the public nothing.

Chandler Raymond

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Chandler Raymond

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Channing William Ellery

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

Chapelain Maurice

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Chaplin Charlie

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Chapman George

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Charles Chincholles

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Charles Darling

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Charles Darling

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Charles Dickens

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Charles Dickens

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Charles Dickens

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Charles Ives

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Charles Schulz

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Charlie Crazy

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.


For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.


I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Chavez Cesar

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Chaykin Howard

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.


Forgive and forget.

Cheever John

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Chesterson Gilbert K.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Chesterton G. K.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Chesterton G.K.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Chesterton G.K.

Go away, I'm all right.

Chesterton G.K.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Chesterton G.K.

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Chesterton G.K.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Chesterton G.K.

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Chesterton G.K.

There is no fool to the old fool.

Chevalier Maurice

Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Chevins Anthony

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Chichester Reverend

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Chill The Big

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Chris Robert

Honesty's the best policy.

Christ Jesus

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.


Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.


"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Chuck Jones

General notions are generally wrong.


Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Churchill W.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Churchill Winston

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Churchill Winston

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Churchill Winston

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

Churchill Winston

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Churchill Winston

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Churchill Winston

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Churchill Winston

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Churchill Winston

Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Churchill Winston

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Churchill Winston

Love the sea? I dote upon it

Churchill Winston

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Churchill Winston

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Churchill Winston

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Churchill Winston

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Churchill Winston

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Churchill W.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Churchill W.

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Churchill Winston

Rome was not built in one day.

Churchill Winston

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Churchill Winston

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Churchill Winston

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Ciardi John

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

Ciardi John

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Ciardi John

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Claghorn Senator

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Clapton Eric

While there's life, there's hope.

Clarence Darrow to William

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

Clark Alex

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Clark Blake

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Clark Ramsey

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Clarke Arthur

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Clarke Arthur C.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Clarke Arthur C.

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Cleaver Eldridge

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.


Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Clement Hal

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Cleyre Voltarine de

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Clifton Fadiman

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Clopton R.

Too much of everything is just enough.

Clough Arthur

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Cocteau Jean

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Cocteau Jean

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Cohan George M.

There's no such thing as an original sin.

Cohan George M.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Cohen Mickey

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Cohen Leonard

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Cointment Joe

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Coke Sir Edward

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Col Lew

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Colby Frank Moore

Flame on!

Colby F.M.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.


To have died once is enough.

Colton C.C.

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Comics Green Lantern

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm




... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great


The farther you go, the less you know.


It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.


He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Conrad Joseph

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Conrad Joseph

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Coo Alistair

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Cooke Alistair

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Cooke Alistair

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Coolidge Calvin

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Coolidge Calvin

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Coolidge Calvin

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Coolidge Calvin

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Coolidge Calvin

Nothing recedes like success.

Coolidge Calvin

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Coolidge Calvin

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Cooper A.

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Cooper Jeff

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Corwin Prince of

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Costello E.

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Costello Elvis

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Costello Elvis

All phone calls are obscene.

Costello Elvis

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Coult Alan

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Couple The Odd

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Cousins Norman

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Cousins Norman

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Coward Noel

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Cowboy The

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Crane Dr. Frank

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Crane Frank

Leave no stone unturned.

Crane Stephen

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Crane Stephen

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Credo The Webb Wilder

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Crisp Quentin

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Crisp Quentin

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Crisp Quentin

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Croll John

The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Cromwell Oliver

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Crosby Norm

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Crowe Joe

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Crumb R.

Genius is pain.

Cuomo Mario

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Curtis Charles

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Cynic Diogenes the

So little time, so little to do.

caption Weber cartoon

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Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.
Caesar Augustus

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