Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

In my end is my beginning.

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

A man is known by the company he organizes.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Look before you leap.

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

The man who runs may fight again.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

The fact that it works is immaterial.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Nothing endures but change.

What fools these mortals be.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

"What was the worst thing you've ever done?" "I won't tell you that, but I'll tell you the worst thing that ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Business will be either better or worse.

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Don't guess

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Nothing succeeds like excess.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

If there is no wind, row.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

A word to the wise is enough.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

So little time, so little to do.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

What!? Me worry?

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Leave no stone unturned.

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

A man's house is his castle.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

There's no such thing as an original sin.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

What an artist dies with me!

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

Turn the other cheek.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

You get what you pay for.

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Well begun is half done.

There is no sin but ignorance.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Nothing succeeds like success.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

What one fool can do, another can.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

The coast was clear.

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

I will make you shorter by the head.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.