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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Ca Mona


Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Cadmus


"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

Caen Herb


There's no justice in this world.

Caen Herb


We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Caesar Augustus


Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Caesar Augustus


"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Caesar Gaius Julius


If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Caesar Gaius Julius


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Caesar Gaius Julius


Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Caesar Julius


No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Caesar Sid


Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Cage John


You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

Cage John


Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Callimachus


An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Cam Kurt Vonnegut


BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

Cameron Simon


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Cami Pat Calafia


Imagine what we can imagine!

Camp Henry N.


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Camus


I hate quotations.

Camus A.


Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Camus Albert


That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Camus Albert


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Camus Albert


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Camus Albert


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Camus Albert


Fear is the greatest salesman.

Capone Al


Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Capone Al


It is better to have loved and lost

Capone Al


The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

Capp Andy


You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

Captain Ahab


Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

Cardozo Benjamin


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Carlevale Edmund


Talkers are no good doers.

Carlin George


A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Carlyle


One good turn deserves another.

Carlyle Thomas


I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, fo

Carlyle Thomas


It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only short

Carlyle Thomas


The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Carlyle Thomas


Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Carnegie Andrew


Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Carpenter Elizabeth


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Carroll Lewis


Sometimes, too long is too long.

Carroll Lewis


The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Carroll Lewis


Never buy from a rich salesman.

Carroll Lewis


What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Carroll Lewis


Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Carson Johnny


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Carson Johnny


I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Carson Johnny


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Carson Johnny


If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Carter Jimmy


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Carus Titus Lucretius


The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Carus Titus Lucretius


If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Carus Titus Lucretius


There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Carus Titus Lucretius


The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Cassidy Butch


To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Castro Fidel


No two persons ever read the same book.

Catalog Whole Earth


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Catflap Filthy Rich and


You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.

Catlin Wynn


Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Cato


It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Cato Marcus Procius


A violent man will die a violent death.

Catullus Gaius Valerius


"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."

Catullus Gaius Valerius


Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

Catullus Gaius Valerius


Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Caussade De


Let sleeping dogs lie.

Cavour Camillo Di


We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Celine Louis-Ferdinand


VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Cervantes


The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Cervantes


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Cervantes


The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Cervantes


There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Cervantes Miguel de


If I had any humility I would be perfect.

Cervantes Miguel de


Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Cervantes Miguel de


... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Cervantes Miguel de


There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Cervantes Miguel de


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Cervantes Miguel de


Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Cervantes Miguel de


Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Cervantes Miguel de


The better part of valor is discretion.

Cervantes Miguel de


British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Cervantes Miguel de


It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Cervantes Miguel de


Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Ch St. John


I have a very strange feeling about this...

Chadwick Hal


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Chamfort Nicolas


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Chandler Raymond


The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Chandler Raymond


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Chandler Raymond


In charity there is no excess.

Chandler Raymond


Facts are the enemy of truth.

Channing William Ellery


God helps them that help themselves.

Chapelain Maurice


I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

Chaplin Charlie


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Chapman George


"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Charles Chincholles


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Charles Darling


An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Charles Darling


Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Charles Dickens


From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Charles Dickens


Don't everyone thank me at once!

Charles Dickens


In my end is my beginning.

Charles Ives


Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Charles Schulz


Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Charlie Crazy


The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East. They treat the Arabs like postmen.

Charlot


All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Chateaubriand


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Chavez Cesar


Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Chaykin Howard


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Chazal


Words have a longer life than deeds.

Cheever John


There's no justice in this world.

Chesterson Gilbert K.


Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

Chesterton G. K.


I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Chesterton G.K.


The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Chesterton G.K.


In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Chesterton G.K.


The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Chesterton G.K.


Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

Chesterton G.K.


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Chesterton G.K.


Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Chesterton G.K.


[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Chevalier Maurice


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Chevins Anthony


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Chichester Reverend


I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Chill The Big


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Chilo


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Chris Robert


A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Christ Jesus


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Chuang-tzu


Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Chuang-tzu


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Chuck Jones


He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Churchill


Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Churchill W.


Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

Churchill Winston


With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Churchill Winston


"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Churchill Winston


Most general statements are false, including this one.

Churchill Winston


America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

Churchill Winston


In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

Churchill Winston


Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Churchill Winston


There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Churchill Winston


The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Churchill Winston


Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Churchill Winston


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Churchill Winston


You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Churchill Winston


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Churchill Winston


Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Churchill Winston


Look before you leap.

Churchill Winston


Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

Churchill W.


Home is where the hurt is.

Churchill W.


There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Churchill Winston


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Churchill Winston


What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

Churchill Winston


Anything anybody can say about America is true.

Churchill Winston


There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Ciardi John


Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Ciardi John


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Ciardi John


An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Claghorn Senator


Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Clapton Eric


You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Clarence Darrow to William


If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Clark Alex


Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Clark Blake


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Clark Ramsey


Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Clarke Arthur


Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Clarke Arthur C.


In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Clarke Arthur C.


The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Cleaver Eldridge


Don't guess

Clemenceau


To be or not to be.

Clement Hal


Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Cleyre Voltarine de


An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Clifton Fadiman


The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Clopton R.


If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

Clough Arthur


There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Cocteau Jean


I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

Cocteau Jean


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Cohan George M.


If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Cohan George M.


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Cohen Mickey


One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Cohen Leonard


"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Cointment Joe


Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Coke Sir Edward


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Col Lew


Nothing succeeds like success.

Colby Frank Moore


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Colby F.M.


I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Colton


"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Colton C.C.


Forgive and forget.

Comics Green Lantern


Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Confucius


The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c

Confucius


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Confucius


Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Confucius


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Confucius


My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Confucius


The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

Confucius


Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Confucius


Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Confucius


When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Conrad


Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Conrad Joseph


It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.

Conrad Joseph


I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Coo Alistair


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Cooke Alistair


Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Cooke Alistair


The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.

Coolidge Calvin


Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Coolidge Calvin


If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Coolidge Calvin


Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Coolidge Calvin


Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Coolidge Calvin


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Coolidge Calvin


Mum's the word.

Coolidge Calvin


Honesty's the best policy.

Cooper A.


The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Cooper Jeff


I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

Corwin Prince of


It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Costello E.


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Costello Elvis


I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Costello Elvis


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Costello Elvis


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Coult Alan


Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Couple The Odd


A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Cousins Norman


How should they answer?

Cousins Norman


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Coward Noel


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Cowboy The


Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Crane Dr. Frank


It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Crane Frank


A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Crane Stephen


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Crane Stephen


How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Credo The Webb Wilder


By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Crisp Quentin


The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Crisp Quentin


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Crisp Quentin


Man is the measure of all things.

Croll John


When in doubt, tell the truth.

Cromwell Oliver


Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Crosby Norm


The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Crowe Joe


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Crumb R.


A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Cuomo Mario


Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Curtis Charles


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Cynic Diogenes the


Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

caption Weber cartoon





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Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that politics is almost always the choice of the lesser evil. "Tweedledum and Tweedledee," they say. "I will not vote." Having abstained, they are presented with a President who appoints t
Russel Baker

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