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He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Ca Mona


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Cadmus


How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Caen Herb


It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Caen Herb


About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Caesar Augustus


When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Caesar Augustus


Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Caesar Gaius Julius


Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Caesar Gaius Julius


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Caesar Gaius Julius


A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Caesar Julius


Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Caesar Sid


God help those who do not help themselves.

Cage John


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Cage John


If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Callimachus


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Cam Kurt Vonnegut


"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Cameron Simon


The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Cami Pat Calafia


Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Camp Henry N.


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Camus


Another day, another dollar.

Camus A.


Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Camus Albert


Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Camus Albert


It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Camus Albert


"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Camus Albert


There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Camus Albert


Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Capone Al


So little time, so little to do.

Capone Al


The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Capone Al


Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Capp Andy


All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Captain Ahab


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Cardozo Benjamin


"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Carlevale Edmund


We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

Carlin George


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Carlyle


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Carlyle Thomas


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Carlyle Thomas


The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Carlyle Thomas


Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Carlyle Thomas


Don't get mad, get even.

Carnegie Andrew


Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Carpenter Elizabeth


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Carroll Lewis


"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

Carroll Lewis


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Carroll Lewis


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Carroll Lewis


Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Carroll Lewis


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Carson Johnny


We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Carson Johnny


All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Carson Johnny


The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Carson Johnny


Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Carter Jimmy


We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Carus Titus Lucretius


Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Carus Titus Lucretius


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Carus Titus Lucretius


Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Carus Titus Lucretius


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Cassidy Butch


Think sideways!

Castro Fidel


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Catalog Whole Earth


Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Catflap Filthy Rich and


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Catlin Wynn


Turn the other cheek.

Cato


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Cato Marcus Procius


Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Catullus Gaius Valerius


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Catullus Gaius Valerius


The faster I go, the behinder I get.

Catullus Gaius Valerius


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Caussade De


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Cavour Camillo Di


When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Celine Louis-Ferdinand


A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Cervantes


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Cervantes


That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Cervantes


Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Cervantes


It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Cervantes Miguel de


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Cervantes Miguel de


I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Cervantes Miguel de


To teach is to learn twice.

Cervantes Miguel de


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Cervantes Miguel de


There is always something new out of Africa.

Cervantes Miguel de


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Cervantes Miguel de


An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Cervantes Miguel de


It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Cervantes Miguel de


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Cervantes Miguel de


I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Cervantes Miguel de


Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Ch St. John


Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Chadwick Hal


The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Chamfort Nicolas


"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Chandler Raymond


XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Chandler Raymond


"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Chandler Raymond


Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Chandler Raymond


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Channing William Ellery


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Chapelain Maurice


Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Chaplin Charlie


You can observe a lot just by watching.

Chapman George


The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

Charles Chincholles


The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Charles Darling


The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Charles Darling


Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Charles Dickens


I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Charles Dickens


One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Charles Dickens


The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Charles Ives


A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Charles Schulz


There's no such thing as an original sin.

Charlie Crazy


And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Charlot


It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Chateaubriand


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Chavez Cesar


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Chaykin Howard


You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Chazal


To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Cheever John


Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Chesterson Gilbert K.


Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Chesterton G. K.


Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Chesterton G.K.


You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Chesterton G.K.


Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

Chesterton G.K.


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Chesterton G.K.


Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Chesterton G.K.


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Chesterton G.K.


By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Chesterton G.K.


By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Chevalier Maurice


Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Chevins Anthony


We're all in this alone.

Chichester Reverend


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Chill The Big


If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Chilo


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Chris Robert


There are no answers, only cross-references.

Christ Jesus


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Chuang-tzu


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Chuang-tzu


Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Chuck Jones


It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Churchill


One good turn asketh another.

Churchill W.


Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Churchill Winston


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Churchill Winston


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Churchill Winston


Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Churchill Winston


A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Churchill Winston


Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Churchill Winston


Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Churchill Winston


Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Churchill Winston


Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Churchill Winston


Well begun is half done.

Churchill Winston


Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Churchill Winston


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Churchill Winston


"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Churchill Winston


As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Churchill Winston


The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Churchill Winston


Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Churchill W.


It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Churchill W.


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Churchill Winston


A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Churchill Winston


Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Churchill Winston


Men are superior to women.

Churchill Winston


HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Ciardi John


Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Ciardi John


Business will be either better or worse.

Ciardi John


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Claghorn Senator


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Clapton Eric


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Clarence Darrow to William


It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Clark Alex


Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Clark Blake


An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Clark Ramsey


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Clarke Arthur


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Clarke Arthur C.


I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Clarke Arthur C.


He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Cleaver Eldridge


Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Clemenceau


Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Clement Hal


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Cleyre Voltarine de


American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Clifton Fadiman


"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Clopton R.


There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Clough Arthur


Nothing succeeds like success.

Cocteau Jean


Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Cocteau Jean


What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Cohan George M.


Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Cohan George M.


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Cohen Mickey


The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Cohen Leonard


You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Cointment Joe


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Coke Sir Edward


If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Col Lew


One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Colby Frank Moore


Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Colby F.M.


Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Colton


Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Colton C.C.


If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Comics Green Lantern


The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Confucius


The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Confucius


He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Confucius


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Confucius


Necessity hath no law.

Confucius


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Confucius


Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Confucius


God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

Confucius


I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

Confucius


My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Conrad


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Conrad Joseph


If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Conrad Joseph


Coo Alistair


And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Cooke Alistair


CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Cooke Alistair


You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Coolidge Calvin


I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Coolidge Calvin


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Coolidge Calvin


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Coolidge Calvin


Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Coolidge Calvin


It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Coolidge Calvin


The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Coolidge Calvin


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Cooper A.


The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Cooper Jeff


A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Corwin Prince of


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Costello E.


A word to the wise is enough.

Costello Elvis


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Costello Elvis


In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Costello Elvis


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Coult Alan


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Couple The Odd


The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Cousins Norman


To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Cousins Norman


Coward Noel


Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Cowboy The


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Crane Dr. Frank


Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Crane Frank


Facts are the enemy of truth.

Crane Stephen


Forgive and forget.

Crane Stephen


The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Credo The Webb Wilder


Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Crisp Quentin


He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Crisp Quentin


God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Crisp Quentin


I'll turn over a new leaf.

Croll John


Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

Cromwell Oliver


When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

Crosby Norm


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Crowe Joe


Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Crumb R.


Mum's the word.

Cuomo Mario


Men will fuck mud.

Curtis Charles


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Cynic Diogenes the


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

caption Weber cartoon





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Something better... 13 (sympathetic): Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? 14 (complimentary): You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. 15 (scientific): Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
Martin Steve

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