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Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Ca Mona

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.


Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Caen Herb

A man's house is his castle.

Caen Herb

Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

Caesar Augustus

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Caesar Augustus

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Caesar Gaius Julius

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Caesar Gaius Julius

Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government, to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.

Caesar Gaius Julius

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

Caesar Julius

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

Caesar Sid

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Cage John

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Cage John

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Cam Kurt Vonnegut

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Cameron Simon

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

Cami Pat Calafia

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Camp Henry N.

All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Camus A.

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Camus Albert

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

Camus Albert

To think contrary to one's era is heroism. But to speak against it is madness.

Camus Albert

I will make you shorter by the head.

Camus Albert

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Camus Albert

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Capone Al

There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.

Capone Al

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Capone Al

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Capp Andy

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author

Captain Ahab

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Cardozo Benjamin

Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD. I fought like hell for them. But another group came along and exposed the word of my group as shallow and degenerate. They had a better word. So I quit the first group and lost all the friends

Carlevale Edmund

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Carlin George

Texas is Hell on woman and horses.


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Carlyle Thomas

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Carlyle Thomas

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Carlyle Thomas

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

Carlyle Thomas

General notions are generally wrong.

Carnegie Andrew

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Carpenter Elizabeth

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Carroll Lewis

Don't get mad, get even.

Carroll Lewis

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Carroll Lewis

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Carroll Lewis

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Carroll Lewis

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Carson Johnny

It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Carson Johnny

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Carson Johnny

The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.

Carson Johnny

Mum's the word.

Carter Jimmy

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Carus Titus Lucretius

Look before you leap.

Carus Titus Lucretius

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Carus Titus Lucretius

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Carus Titus Lucretius

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

Cassidy Butch

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

Castro Fidel

So little time, so little to do.

Catalog Whole Earth

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Catflap Filthy Rich and

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Catlin Wynn

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'


If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Cato Marcus Procius

"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God." "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid Go

Catullus Gaius Valerius

I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Caussade De

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

Cavour Camillo Di

Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."

Celine Louis-Ferdinand

No good deed goes unpunished.


With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.


A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.


[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.


Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Cervantes Miguel de

To say you got a vote of confidence would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.

Cervantes Miguel de

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Cervantes Miguel de

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Cervantes Miguel de

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Cervantes Miguel de

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

Cervantes Miguel de

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Cervantes Miguel de

Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.

Cervantes Miguel de

My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

Cervantes Miguel de

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Cervantes Miguel de

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Cervantes Miguel de

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Ch St. John

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Chadwick Hal

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Chamfort Nicolas

Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.

Chandler Raymond

Another day, another dollar.

Chandler Raymond

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

Chandler Raymond

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Chandler Raymond

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Channing William Ellery

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Chapelain Maurice

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Chaplin Charlie

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Chapman George

The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

Charles Chincholles

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

Charles Darling

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Charles Darling

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

Charles Dickens

"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."

Charles Dickens

Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

Charles Dickens

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Charles Ives

Talkers are no good doers.

Charles Schulz

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Charlie Crazy

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."


"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.


In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Chavez Cesar

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

Chaykin Howard

People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.


I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Cheever John

Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

Chesterson Gilbert K.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Chesterton G. K.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Chesterton G.K.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Chesterton G.K.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Chesterton G.K.

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Chesterton G.K.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Chesterton G.K.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Chesterton G.K.

That's no moon...

Chesterton G.K.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Chevalier Maurice

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Chevins Anthony

Men will fuck mud.

Chichester Reverend

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Chill The Big

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.


We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Chris Robert

"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

Christ Jesus

The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,


It is bad luck to be superstitious.


Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

Chuck Jones

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.


"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Churchill W.

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

Churchill Winston

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Churchill Winston

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Churchill Winston

A light wife doth make a heavy husband.

Churchill Winston

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Churchill Winston

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.

Churchill Winston

The more the merrier.

Churchill Winston

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Churchill Winston

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Churchill Winston

France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Churchill Winston

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Churchill Winston

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

Churchill Winston

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Churchill Winston

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Churchill Winston

You get what you pay for.

Churchill Winston

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Churchill W.

Cold is God's way of teling us to burn more Catholics.

Churchill W.

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

Churchill Winston

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Churchill Winston

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Churchill Winston

What I tell you three times is true.

Churchill Winston

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Ciardi John

Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

Ciardi John

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Ciardi John

Too much is just enough.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Claghorn Senator

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Clapton Eric

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Clarence Darrow to William

"It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble."

Clark Alex

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Clark Blake

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Clark Ramsey

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Clarke Arthur

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Clarke Arthur C.

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Clarke Arthur C.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Cleaver Eldridge

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.


Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Clement Hal

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Cleyre Voltarine de

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

Clifton Fadiman

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Clopton R.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Clough Arthur

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Cocteau Jean

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Cocteau Jean

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Cohan George M.

The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Cohan George M.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Cohen Mickey

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Cohen Leonard

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Cointment Joe

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Coke Sir Edward

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.

Col Lew

The ripest fruit falls first.

Colby Frank Moore

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Colby F.M.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.


He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Colton C.C.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Comics Green Lantern

The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.


One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.


When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.


"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."


One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his


'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.


Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.


The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".


Optimism is the content of small men in high places.


To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.


The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Conrad Joseph

We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

Conrad Joseph

Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

Coo Alistair

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Cooke Alistair

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Cooke Alistair

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Coolidge Calvin

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

Coolidge Calvin

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Coolidge Calvin

The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

Coolidge Calvin

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Coolidge Calvin

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Coolidge Calvin

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Coolidge Calvin

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Cooper A.

In my end is my beginning.

Cooper Jeff

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Corwin Prince of

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Costello E.

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

Costello Elvis

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Costello Elvis

You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

Costello Elvis

What fools these mortals be.

Coult Alan

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Couple The Odd

I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, fo

Cousins Norman

Too much of everything is just enough.

Cousins Norman

Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love. The poor know that it is money.

Coward Noel

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Cowboy The

Turn the other cheek.

Crane Dr. Frank

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

Crane Frank

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Crane Stephen

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Crane Stephen

Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organisation of hatreds.

Credo The Webb Wilder

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

Crisp Quentin

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Crisp Quentin

Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to teach children.

Crisp Quentin

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Croll John

The human instinct to censor thrives, as it always will, living in irrepressible conflict with the human instinct to speak. Outrage, self-righteousness, and paranoia feed the maw of censorship. Squelching speech, however, never reduces society's net

Cromwell Oliver

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Crosby Norm

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

Crowe Joe

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Crumb R.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Cuomo Mario

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Curtis Charles

There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

Cynic Diogenes the

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

caption Weber cartoon

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He who renders warfare fatal to all engaged in it will be the greatest benefactor the world has yet known.
Burton Sir Richard

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