"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

It is better to have loved and lost

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

If you catch a man, throw him back.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

We're all in this alone.

I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Art is anything you can get away with.

Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Leave no stone unturned.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

I do desire we may be better strangers.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

The coast was clear.

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Men will fuck mud.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

There's no justice in this world.

No evil can happen to a good man.

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

God is Dead.

One good turn deserves another.

Better late than never.

Nothing succeeds like success.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Texas is Hell on woman and horses.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Words have a longer life than deeds.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

The white race is the cancer of history.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Housework can kill you if done right.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

Littering is dumb.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Things past redress and now with me past care.

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

Tempt not a desperate man.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Don't get mad, get even.

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

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He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Use an accordion. Go to jail.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

I dote on his very absence.

That's no moon...

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

What one fool can do, another can.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

A violent man will die a violent death.

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

Well begun is half done.

If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

The farther you go, the less you know.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.