Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

The world wants to be deceived.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

A dead man cannot bite.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

All is well that ends well.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

You can never do just one thing.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Anything is possible on paper.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Leave no stone unturned.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

To do two things at once is to do neither.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

None love the bearer of bad news.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

In charity there is no excess.

Two heads are better than one.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

I hate dying.

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

What one fool can do, another can.

Piece of cake!

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

The more the merrier.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Words have a longer life than deeds.

There's no such thing as an original sin.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

When in doubt, use brute force.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Rome was not built in one day.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Man is the measure of all things.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Haste makes waste.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

A word to the wise is enough.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Things are not always what they seem.

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Language is a virus from another planet.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

A man's house is his castle.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.