"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.

Harp not on that string.

"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.

Nice guys finish last.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

"Taxes should hurt. I just mailed my own tax return last night and I am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone."

Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.

To think contrary to one's era is heroism. But to speak against it is madness.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

A political man can have as his aim the realization of freedom, but he has no means to realize it other than through violence.

Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Man is the measure of all things.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim, 'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and a

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

NEW YORK

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

There's no justice in this world.

There's no justice in this world.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

"One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not there should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los Angeles to San Diego. We passed several state beaches, some crowded and some virtually empty. They had the

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and

"Lemme show ya the odds, Sparky... In yer country, ya got 14 million black people, and 3 million white people. Now, does the name `Custer' mean anything to you?"

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

"The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual curiosity."

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

We're all in this alone.

It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. "Cabbages and potatoes are better for you and me."

To lead people, you must follow behind.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.

Robert Kennedy's 1964 Senatorial campaign planners told him that their intention was to present him to the television viewers as a sincere, generous person. "You going to use a double?" asked Kennedy. Thumbing through a promotional pamphlet prep

Well begun is half done.

If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not far to seek. ... The

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.

If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

The goys have proven the following theorem...

It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which all primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the powerful approach of spring, penetrating with joy all of nature, that those Dionysian stirrings arise, which in their int

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity. Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away.

How should they answer?

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.

The hater of property and of government takes care to have his warranty deed recorded, and the book written against fame and learning has the author's name on the title page.

Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

[The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful for impotency.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Go ahead... make my day.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me that I may s

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

United Nations, New York, December 25. The peace and joy of the Christmas season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of all the military forces of the world. Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of every persuasion. Meanwhil

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

To say you got a vote of confidence would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Men are superior to women.

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all th

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

The superfluous is very necessary.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia, I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."

However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or wha

The dirty work at political conventions is almost always done in the grim hours between midnight and dawn. Hangmen and politicians work best when the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.

Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

If God is One, what is bad?

I stick my neck out for nobody.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

I'll never get off this planet.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

I do desire we may be better strangers.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

There is a limit to the admiration we may hold for a man who spends his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

The fact that Hitler was a political genius unmasks the nature of politics in general as no other can.

Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

We should be glad we're living in the time that we are. If any of us had been born into a more enlightened age, I'm sure we would have immediately been taken out and shot.

I think the world is run by C students.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Best Mistakes In Films In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all possible. In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a st

He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

All Gods were immortal.

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love. The poor know that it is money.

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish betwe

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

It's our fault. We should have given him better parts.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

I will make you shorter by the head.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! AWAKE!

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

The human instinct to censor thrives, as it always will, living in irrepressible conflict with the human instinct to speak. Outrage, self-righteousness, and paranoia feed the maw of censorship. Squelching speech, however, never reduces society's net

Don't get mad, get even.

It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only short

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling.

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

"I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and 25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be true."