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He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Ca Mona

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.


How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Caen Herb

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Caen Herb

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Caesar Augustus

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Caesar Augustus

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Caesar Gaius Julius

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Caesar Gaius Julius

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Caesar Gaius Julius

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Caesar Julius

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Caesar Sid

God help those who do not help themselves.

Cage John

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Cage John

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Cam Kurt Vonnegut

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Cameron Simon

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Cami Pat Calafia

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Camp Henry N.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.


Another day, another dollar.

Camus A.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Camus Albert

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Camus Albert

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Camus Albert

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Camus Albert

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Camus Albert

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Capone Al

So little time, so little to do.

Capone Al

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Capone Al

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Capp Andy

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Captain Ahab

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Cardozo Benjamin

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Carlevale Edmund

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

Carlin George

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Carlyle Thomas

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Carlyle Thomas

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Carlyle Thomas

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Carlyle Thomas

Don't get mad, get even.

Carnegie Andrew

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Carpenter Elizabeth

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Carroll Lewis

"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

Carroll Lewis

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Carroll Lewis

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Carroll Lewis

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Carroll Lewis

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Carson Johnny

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Carson Johnny

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Carson Johnny

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Carson Johnny

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Carter Jimmy

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Carus Titus Lucretius

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Carus Titus Lucretius

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Carus Titus Lucretius

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Carus Titus Lucretius

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Cassidy Butch

Think sideways!

Castro Fidel

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Catalog Whole Earth

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Catflap Filthy Rich and

If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Catlin Wynn

Turn the other cheek.


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Cato Marcus Procius

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Caussade De

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Cavour Camillo Di

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Celine Louis-Ferdinand

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"


That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.


Solipsists of the World... you are already united.


It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Cervantes Miguel de

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Cervantes Miguel de

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Cervantes Miguel de

To teach is to learn twice.

Cervantes Miguel de

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Cervantes Miguel de

There is always something new out of Africa.

Cervantes Miguel de

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Cervantes Miguel de

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Cervantes Miguel de

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Cervantes Miguel de

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Cervantes Miguel de

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Cervantes Miguel de

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Ch St. John

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Chadwick Hal

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Chamfort Nicolas

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Chandler Raymond

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Chandler Raymond

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Chandler Raymond

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Chandler Raymond

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Channing William Ellery

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Chapelain Maurice

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Chaplin Charlie

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Chapman George

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

Charles Chincholles

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Charles Darling

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Charles Darling

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Charles Dickens

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Charles Dickens

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Charles Dickens

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Charles Ives

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Charles Schulz

There's no such thing as an original sin.

Charlie Crazy

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.


It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Chavez Cesar

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Chaykin Howard

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.


To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Cheever John

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Chesterson Gilbert K.

Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Chesterton G. K.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Chesterton G.K.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Chesterton G.K.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

Chesterton G.K.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Chesterton G.K.

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Chesterton G.K.

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Chesterton G.K.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Chesterton G.K.

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Chevalier Maurice

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Chevins Anthony

We're all in this alone.

Chichester Reverend

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Chill The Big

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Chris Robert

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Christ Jesus

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.


Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Chuck Jones

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.


One good turn asketh another.

Churchill W.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Churchill Winston

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Churchill Winston

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Churchill Winston

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Churchill Winston

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Churchill Winston

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Churchill Winston

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Churchill Winston

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Churchill Winston

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Churchill Winston

Well begun is half done.

Churchill Winston

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Churchill Winston

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Churchill Winston

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Churchill Winston

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Churchill Winston

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Churchill Winston

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Churchill W.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Churchill W.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Churchill Winston

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Churchill Winston

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Churchill Winston

Men are superior to women.

Churchill Winston

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Ciardi John

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Ciardi John

Business will be either better or worse.

Ciardi John

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Claghorn Senator

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Clapton Eric

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Clarence Darrow to William

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Clark Alex

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Clark Blake

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Clark Ramsey

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Clarke Arthur

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Clarke Arthur C.

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Clarke Arthur C.

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Cleaver Eldridge

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.


Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Clement Hal

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Cleyre Voltarine de

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Clifton Fadiman

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Clopton R.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Clough Arthur

Nothing succeeds like success.

Cocteau Jean

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Cocteau Jean

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Cohan George M.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Cohan George M.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Cohen Mickey

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Cohen Leonard

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Cointment Joe

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Coke Sir Edward

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Col Lew

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Colby Frank Moore

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Colby F.M.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.


Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Colton C.C.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Comics Green Lantern

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.


The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.


He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.


Necessity hath no law.


The road to Hades is easy to travel.


Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.


God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.


I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.


My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Conrad Joseph

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Conrad Joseph

Coo Alistair

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Cooke Alistair

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Cooke Alistair

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Coolidge Calvin

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Coolidge Calvin

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Coolidge Calvin

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Coolidge Calvin

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Coolidge Calvin

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Coolidge Calvin

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Coolidge Calvin

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Cooper A.

The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Cooper Jeff

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Corwin Prince of

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Costello E.

A word to the wise is enough.

Costello Elvis

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Costello Elvis

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Costello Elvis

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Coult Alan

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Couple The Odd

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Cousins Norman

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Cousins Norman

Coward Noel

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Cowboy The

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Crane Dr. Frank

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Crane Frank

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Crane Stephen

Forgive and forget.

Crane Stephen

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Credo The Webb Wilder

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Crisp Quentin

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Crisp Quentin

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Crisp Quentin

I'll turn over a new leaf.

Croll John

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

Cromwell Oliver

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

Crosby Norm

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Crowe Joe

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Crumb R.

Mum's the word.

Cuomo Mario

Men will fuck mud.

Curtis Charles

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Cynic Diogenes the

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

caption Weber cartoon

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