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Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

D Vine

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

D'Hericault Charles

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Dada Idi Amin

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Dada Idi Amin

Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

Dagny Taggart

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Daley Mayor

She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.

Daley Mayor

There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Daley Richard

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Dali Salvador

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

Dam Andries van

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Dane Franklin K.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Dangerfield Rodney

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Danton G.J.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Darling Charles

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

Darrow Clarence

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Darrow Clarence

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Darrow Clarence

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Darrow Clarence

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Darrow Clarence

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Darrow Clarence

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Darwin Charles

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Darwin Porter

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Dass Baba Ram

When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.

Dass Baba Ram

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Dave Barry

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

David Bodanis

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

David Niven

What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

Davis Evan

Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

Davis Evan

"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

Davis Miles

"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts."

Davisson Richard

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Day Clarence

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

DeBalzac Honore

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

DeGaulle Charles

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Dead The Grateful

I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.

Dean James

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Dekker Thomas

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.


I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Dennett Daniel

The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum.

Derek Bok

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.


I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Descartes Rene

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

Dewar Lord Thomas

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

Dewar Lord Thomas

Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organisation of hatreds.

Dewar Lord Thomas Rober

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Dewey John

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

Dick Philip K.

America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

Dickens Charles

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Dickens Charles

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.

Dickens Charles

... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.

Dickey James

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Dickson Paul

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Dictionary Webster's Unafraid

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

Dictum Schumacher's

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Diefenbaker John

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Dillinger John

People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Disney Walt

Piece of cake!

Disney Walt

No matter whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme court follows th' iliction returns.

Disra Benjamin

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Disrael Benjamin

VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Disraeli Benjamin

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Disraeli Benjamin

This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

Disraeli Benjamin

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Disraeli Benjamin

We are what we pretend to be.

Disraeli Benjamin

What we wish, that we readily believe.

Disraeli Benjamin

It is enough to make one sympathize with a tyrant for the determination of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends...

Dobbs Waldo D.R.

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

Dobson Austin

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Doctor The

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

Dogtender The Mad

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Dolph Sharp

When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.

Dolph Sharp

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Donald N. Smith president

Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

Donatus Aelius

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Donleavy J.P.

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

Dooley Mr.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Dooley Mr.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Dostoyevski F.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Doug Larson

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Douglas Lord Alfred

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Douglas Norman

The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East. They treat the Arabs like postmen.

Douglas Adams

That's where the money was.

Douglass Frederick

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Douglass Frederick

The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Dr. Laurence J. Peter

If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.

Dreshfield Jerry

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Droz Gustave

That government is best which governs least.

Drucker Peter

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Dudley Riggs

"I don't know whether God exists or not, but it makes no difference to me." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything."

Duggan B.

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Duke Raoul

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.


If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Dumas Alexander

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Dumas Alexandre

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Dunne Finley Peter

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Durant Will

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Durocher Leo

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Dwight Walter

The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.

Dwight Van de Vate

What's a cult? It just means not enough people to make a minority.

Dye W.H. Auden

Persistence in one opinion has never been considered a merit in political leaders.


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Dyke Henry Van

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.


When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Dylan Bob

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Dylan Bob

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Dylan Bob

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Dyson Freeman

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

de Dave Johnson on

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

distinctly and quite

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America ... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesman with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
Hunter S. Thompson

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