A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Look before you leap.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

We are all so much together and yet we are all dying of loneliness.

"Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware."

You know it's going to be a long day when you get up, shave and shower, start to get dressed and your shoes are still warm.

I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending t

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

"... all the modern inconveniences ..."

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven; The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change. These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.

You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference: "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious, isn't

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

There is always something new out of Africa.

I needed the good will of the legislature of four states. I formed the legislative bodies with my own money. I found that it was cheaper that way.

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

Haste makes waste.

Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

You won't skid if you stay in a rut.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

What we see depends on mainly what we look for.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

There is no sin but ignorance.

Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.

The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.

A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

We prefer to believe that the absence of inverted commas guarantees the originality of a thought, whereas it may be merely that the utterer has forgotten its source.

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Youth is a disease from which we all recover.

The fact that people are poor or discriminated against doesn't necessarily endow them with any special qualities of justice, nobility, charity or compassion.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

You must know that a man can have only one invulnerable loyalty, loyalty to his own concept of the obligations of manhood. All other loyalties are merely deputies of that one.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Who's scruffy-looking?

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Housework can kill you if done right.

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity. Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.

One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

I hate quotations.

No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good intentions. He had money as well.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, fo

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies."

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

What luck for the rulers that men do not think.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.

Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

per year.