Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

We should have a Vollyballocracy. We elect a six-pack of presidents. Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Nobody shot me.

Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

My father was a saint, I'm not.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be mud." And there was mud. And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what we have done." And God created every living creature that now moveth, and

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

"Life is too important to take seriously."

Every why hath a wherefore.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

It's not easy, being green.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Language is a virus from another planet.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Rule the Empire through force.

Practice is the best of all instructors.

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Out of sight is out of mind.

Acting is not very hard. The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

God is Dead.

Knowledge is power.

The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid.

Don't everyone thank me at once!

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

But you shall not escape my iambics.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.