What!? Me worry?

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

God is Dead.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Knowledge is power.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

One good turn asketh another.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

To have died once is enough.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

All is well that ends well.

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

To add insult to injury.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Don't get mad, get even.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Another day, another dollar.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Look ere ye leap.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

I stick my neck out for nobody.

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

There is no fool to the old fool.

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its