The worst is not so long as we can say "This is the worst."

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

It's our fault. We should have given him better parts.

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

"One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not there should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los Angeles to San Diego. We passed several state beaches, some crowded and some virtually empty. They had the

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

Man is the measure of all things.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies.

Everyone is in the best seat.

The more the merrier.

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

My advice to the women's clubs of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias.

Young men are fitter to invent than to judge; fitter for execution than for counsel; and fitter for new projects than for settled business. For the experience of age, in things that fall within the compass of it, directeth them; but in new things, a

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.

If Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

We're all in this alone.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

The hatred of relatives is the most violent.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Would it help if I got out and pushed?

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

I would have made a good pope.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

One good turn asketh another.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Men will fuck mud.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.

The white race is the cancer of history.

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.