When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard. A justice of the peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill. In the municipal courts, he will cost you ten. In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen. The state appellate

It looks like it's up to me to save our skins. Get into that garbage chute, flyboy!

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

A dead man cannot bite.

If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

This was the most unkindest cut of all.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

There's no such thing as an original sin.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.

He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

All bad precedents began as justifiable measures.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

It is now 10 p.m. Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the House Un-American Activities Committee]. We will determine what rights you have and what rights you have not got.

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

"Life is too important to take seriously."

He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

I would like the government to do all it can to mitigate, then, in understanding, in mutuality of interest, in concern for the common good, our tasks will be solved.

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Necessity has no law.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try.

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.