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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Eban Abba

There appears to be irrefutable evidence that the mere fact of overcrowding induces violence.

Eddie Cochran

To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.

Edison Thomas Alva

Patch griefs with proverbs.

Edman Irwin

In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes.

Edward A. Murphy

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Edwards-Duff Ann

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Edwin Meese

Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."

Efrain Rios Montt

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Einstein Albert

Well begun is half done.

Einstein Albert

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Einstein Albert

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Einstein Albert

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

Einstein Albert

Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.

Einstein Albert

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Einstein Albert

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Einstein Albert

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Einstein Albert

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author

Einstein. A.

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Eisenhower Dwight

"Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war."

Eisenhower Dwight D.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Eisenhower Dwight D.

The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

Eisenhower Dwight D.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Eisenhower Dwight D.

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Eisenhower Dwight

That government is best which governs least.

Elaine Stewart

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Elder Pliny the

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Eliot George

"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement."

Eliot George

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Eliot T.S.

"It says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side."

Eliot T.S.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Eliot T.S.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Eliot T.Sessay

I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

Elizabeth I

I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life. I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a robber.

Elizabeth John Greenway

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.


You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Ellis Havelock

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Ellis Havelock

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Ellis Nancy

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Ellison Harlan

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Ellison Harlan

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Elman Jeff

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Emers Ralph Waldo

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Emers Ralph Waldo

I knew her before she was a virgin.


You can't underestimate the power of fear.


Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.

Emerson Ralph Waldo

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Emerson Ralph Waldo

What is involved in such [close] relationships is a form of emotional chemistry, so far unexplained by any school of psychiatry I am aware of, that conditions nothing so simple as a choice between the poles of attraction and repulsion. You can meet

Emerson Ralph Waldo

A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to catching instructions on the wing.

Emerson Ralph Waldo

"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate from a recent statement he made compar

Emerson Ralph Waldo

All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.

Emerson Ralph Waldo

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Emerson Ralph Waldo

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his

Emerson Ralph Waldo

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

Emerson Ralph Waldo

The language of politics is poetry, not prose. Jackson is poetry. Cuomo is poetry. Dukakis is a word processor.

Emerson Ralph Waldo

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Emerson Ralph Waldo

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Emerson Ralph Waldo

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Emmons Marguerite

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Englan Mark Twain on New

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.

Ennius Quintus

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Ennius Quintus

Every country has the government it deserves.

Enou R.A. Heinlein

I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

Enoug Lazarus Long

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Ephron Nora

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...


Leave no stone unturned.

Epstein M.D.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Erasmus Desiderius

Carol's head ached as she trailed behind the unsmiling Calibrees along the block of booths. She chirruped at Kennicott, "Let's be wild! Let's ride on the merry-go-round and grab a gold ring!" Kennicott considered it, and mumbled to Calibree, "Thin

Erica Jong

You never gain something but that you lose something.

Erlich Paul

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

Errol Flynn

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Ertz Susan

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.


WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something.

Escher M.C.

C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre! [It is magnificent, but it is not war]

Esquire Jun

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Estard Townsperson in

"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot. Mother and I will grieve, but we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."

Estes James

You shouldn't wallow in self-pity. But it's OK to put your feet in it and swish them around a little.

Estienne Henri

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?


Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.


Don't guess


Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.


A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Evans Bergan

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Examiner Watchman

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"Remember, if it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's ___not the U.S. Army doing it!"
VietNam Good Morning

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