Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Haste makes waste.

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Mum's the word.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

The world wants to be deceived.

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Getting into trouble is easy.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

One good turn asketh another.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"