I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Charity begins at home.

How apt the poor are to be proud.

If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last car he ever lays down in front of.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

No television performance takes as much preparation as an off-the-cuff talk.

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Catholicism has changed tremendously in the recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.

No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Every why hath a wherefore.

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

I will make you shorter by the head.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Monterey... is decidedly the pleasantest and most civilized-looking place in California ... [it] is also a great place for cock-fighting, gambling of all sorts, fandangos, and various kinds of amusements and knavery.

She often gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it).

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

The first requisite for immortality is death.

The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.

It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

It is better to have loved and lost

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

The more I see of men the more I admire dogs.

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!

If it takes a bloodbath, lets get it over with. No more appeasement.

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Don't buy a landslide. I don't want to have to pay for one more vote than I have to.

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

The most disagreeable thing that your worst enemy says to your face does not approach what your best friends say behind your back.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.

"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies."

To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts."

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Nice guys finish last.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated, the formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd, the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole, the horizon would not wear so wide a grin.

You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.

Tom Hayden is the kind of politician who gives opportunism a bad name.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Too much of everything is just enough.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

I knew her before she was a virgin.

The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East. They treat the Arabs like postmen.

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

English literature's performing flea.