Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Why be a man when you can be a success?

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Look before you leap.

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Men are superior to women.

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

I hate quotations.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Well begun is half done.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

There is no proverb that is not true.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Don't get mad, get even.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Men will fuck mud.

The best you get is an even break.

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Real wealth can only increase.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Out of sight is out of mind.

Language is a virus from another planet.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

We are what we pretend to be.

The man who runs may fight again.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

What one fool can do, another can.

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

What you don't know won't help you much either.