Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.

"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels of destructiveness upon old ones. We have done this helplessly, almost involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream, like lemmings heading

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

"You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't."

The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.

Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

"God gives burdens; also shoulders" Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the end of the 1980 election. At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I can't find it anywhere. I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why wo

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

The nearer to the church, the further from God.

I don't think they are going to give a shit about the Republican Committee trying to bug the Democratic Committee's headquarters.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

The most recent attempt to revive the moribund campus left, a national conference held at Rutgers University February 5-7, ended when the participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national organization. The stated goal of the c

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. "Cabbages and potatoes are better for you and me."

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Tip O'Neill is just like Congress; old, fat and out of control.

You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on coming back down.

He jests at scars who never felt a wound.

A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS ag

In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends.

A people living under the perpetual menace of war and invasion is very easy to govern. It demands no social reforms. It does not haggle over expenditures on armaments and military equipment. It pays without discussion, it ruins itself, and that is

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a personality.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

My rackets are run on strictly American lines, and they're going to stay that way.

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

I acted to show my love for Jodie Foster.

There's no such thing as an original sin.

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.

We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all.

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]