The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

When you're in command, command.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Our swords shall play the orators for us.

Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I'm the only person standing between Nixon and the White House.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.

Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat,

Visits always give pleasure: if not on arrival, then on the departure.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last car he ever lays down in front of.

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

Last guys don't finish nice.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass.

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist.

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to catching instructions on the wing.

Another day, another dollar.

If it takes a bloodbath, lets get it over with. No more appeasement.

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

If the Nazis had television with satellite technology, we'd all be goose-stepping. Americans are just as suggestible.

I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.

The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...

Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call this their point of view.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Naturally the common people don't want war... but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.

The adjuration to be "normal" seems shockingly repellent to me; I see neither hope nor comfort in sinking to that low level. I think it is ignorance that makes people think of abnormality only with horror and allows them to remain undismayed at the