One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

It is better to have loved and lost

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Never promise more than you can perform.

Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

There must be more to life than having everything.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

I hate dying.

One good turn deserves another.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Set the cart before the horse.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Knowledge is power.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Honesty's the best policy.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

To do two things at once is to do neither.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

The best you get is an even break.

The superfluous is very necessary.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

If there is no wind, row.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Your wig steers the gig.