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One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Fadiman Clifton


The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Fadiman Clifton


There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Fadiman Clifton


There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

Fadiman Clifton


When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

Far Kilgore Trout


A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.

Faulkner William


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Faulkner William


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Fawcett-Majors Farrah


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Fee Elizabeth


Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Feibleman James


I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

Feiffer J.


In Pierre Trudeau, Canada has finally produced a Prime Minister worthy of assassination.

Feiffer J.


The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th

Feirstein Bruce


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Fenelon Francois


Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

Feodor Dostoevsky


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Ferdinand Marechal Foch


Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Fiebig Jim


Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Fields W.C.


[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

Fields W.C.


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Fields W.C.


Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Fields W.C.


Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

Finley J.H.


You're never too old to become younger.

Finley Peter Dunne


"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Fisher John


A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Fishhawk Prof. Cosmo


If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Fitch G.


If I made peace with Russia today, I'd only attack her again tomorrow. I just couldn't help myself.

Fitzgera F. Scott


Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Fitzgera F. Scott


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Fitzgerald F. Scott


Confucius say too much.

Flagg Reuben


Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Flaubert


I dote on his very absence.

Florio John


The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.

Floyd Mengot


Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Flynn Errol


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Foote Samuel


Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.

Ford Henry


I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black people and it was hard for me to come back to the bullshit white people put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any power to make things differen

Foreman John


You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.

Forster E.M.


Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Forward R.L.


People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.

Fosdick Harry Emerson


Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Fowler Gene


We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Foxx Redd


If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Frampton Peter


Forgive and forget.

Fran Lebowitz


The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

Fran Lebowitz


America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Fran Lebowitz


Imagine what we can imagine!

France Anatole


The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.

France Anatole


In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

France Anatole


A violent man will die a violent death.

France Anatole


I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.

France Anatole


The more the merrier.

France Anatole


Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

France Anatole


The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

France Anatole


God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman... not enough to support a man and fiv

Franci KFOG San


God help those who do not help themselves.

Francis Brendan


The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Francis


Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Francis


I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Francisc Colin Bowles San


"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

Frank Ann


Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

Frank Costello


Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Frank Costello


Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Frank Herbert


Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Frank Herbert


I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Frank Herbert


What we see depends on mainly what we look for.

Frank Herbert


Walk softly and carry a big stick.

Franklin B.


Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.

Franklin B.


The man who runs may fight again.

Franklin B.


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Franklin B.


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Franklin B.


Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.

Franklin B.


Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Franklin Ben


The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Franklin Ben


Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

Franklin Ben


Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Franklin Benjamin


Satire is tragedy plus time.

Franklin Benjamin


If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Franklin Benjamin


Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.

Franklin Benjamin


When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Franklin Benjamin


He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."

Franklin Benjamin


The optimum committee has no members.

Franklin Benjamin


Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make

Franklin Benjamin


They also serve who only stand and wait.

Franklin Benjamin


Every country has the government it deserves.

Franklin Benjamin


My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

Fratianno


Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Fratianno


Art is anything you can get away with.

Fratianno


Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

Fred Allen


When the President does it, that means it is not illegal.

Freud Sigmund


The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Freud Sigmund


Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Friedman Milton


Even God cannot change the past.

Friendman Milton


"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them."

Friendman Milton


He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Fright Nero Wolfe


A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

Fringe Beyond the


Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Fringe Beyond the


Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween.

Fritzlar Herbert von


Pilfering Treasury property is paticularly dangerous: big thieves are ruthless in punishing little thieves.

Frog Kermit the


Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Fromme Squeaky


A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.

Frost Robert


In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.

Frost Robert


If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

Frost Robert


"You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but only for a limited period of time. Why should we think that collectively, as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?"

Frost Robert


Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Frost Robert


Events are not affected, they develop.

Frost Robert


Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the mid-fork of the Feather River

Frost Robert


Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Fry Christopher


The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.

Fuldheim Dorothy


VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Fuller Buckminster


We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.

Fuller Buckminster


How should they answer?

Fuller R. Buckminster


The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Fuller R. Buckminster


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Fylstra Dan





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I am a deeply superficial person.
Warhol Andy

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