Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

A snake lurks in the grass.

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Faith is under the left nipple.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

I owe the public nothing.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

In my end is my beginning.

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

The world wants to be deceived.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Save the Whales

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Praise the sea; on shore remain.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

If God is One, what is bad?

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Practice is the best of all instructors.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

There is no fool to the old fool.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.