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"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God." "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid Go

Fadiman Clifton


The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Fadiman Clifton


The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Fadiman Clifton


America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Fadiman Clifton


The better part of valor is discretion.

Far Kilgore Trout


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Faulkner William


I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Faulkner William


Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Fawcett-Majors Farrah


One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Fee Elizabeth


But you shall not escape my iambics.

Feibleman James


France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Feiffer J.


We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Feiffer J.


Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Feirstein Bruce


All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

Fenelon Francois


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Feodor Dostoevsky


Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

Ferdinand Marechal Foch


A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Fiebig Jim


Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Fields W.C.


He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Fields W.C.


The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Fields W.C.


Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

Fields W.C.


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Finley J.H.


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Finley Peter Dunne


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Fisher John


One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Fishhawk Prof. Cosmo


I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Fitch G.


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Fitzgera F. Scott


Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

Fitzgera F. Scott


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Fitzgerald F. Scott


"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

Flagg Reuben


Naked children have never played in _o_u_r fountains, and I.M. Pei will never be happy on Route 66.

Flaubert


A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Florio John


I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Floyd Mengot


"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Flynn Errol


When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Foote Samuel


I love treason but hate a traitor.

Ford Henry


Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Foreman John


Events are not affected, they develop.

Forster E.M.


When in doubt, use brute force.

Forward R.L.


You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Fosdick Harry Emerson


The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

Fowler Gene


If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Foxx Redd


To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

Frampton Peter


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Fran Lebowitz


Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.

Fran Lebowitz


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Fran Lebowitz


Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

France Anatole


The course of true anything never does run smooth.

France Anatole


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

France Anatole


Knowledge is power.

France Anatole


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

France Anatole


There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

France Anatole


Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

France Anatole


Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

France Anatole


Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Franci KFOG San


If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour.

Francis Brendan


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Francis


Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Francis


Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Francisc Colin Bowles San


I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Frank Ann


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Frank Costello


Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Frank Costello


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Frank Herbert


It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Frank Herbert


"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."

Frank Herbert


There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.

Frank Herbert


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Franklin B.


The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Franklin B.


You tread upon my patience.

Franklin B.


When the sun shineth, make hay.

Franklin B.


Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Franklin B.


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Franklin B.


Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Franklin Ben


Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Franklin Ben


Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Franklin Ben


This was the most unkindest cut of all.

Franklin Benjamin


Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Franklin Benjamin


Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Franklin Benjamin


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Franklin Benjamin


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Franklin Benjamin


Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Franklin Benjamin


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Franklin Benjamin


All Gods were immortal.

Franklin Benjamin


I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Franklin Benjamin


What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

Franklin Benjamin


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Fratianno


All phone calls are obscene.

Fratianno


You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Fratianno


NEW YORK

Fred Allen


There is no sin but ignorance.

Freud Sigmund


Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.

Freud Sigmund


Set the cart before the horse.

Friedman Milton


We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.

Friendman Milton


Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Friendman Milton


Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Fright Nero Wolfe


A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Fringe Beyond the


XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Fringe Beyond the


I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Fritzlar Herbert von


A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Frog Kermit the


If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Fromme Squeaky


If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Frost Robert


God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Frost Robert


We should be glad we're living in the time that we are. If any of us had been born into a more enlightened age, I'm sure we would have immediately been taken out and shot.

Frost Robert


If you want divine justice, die.

Frost Robert


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Frost Robert


If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible.

Frost Robert


Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

Frost Robert


Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Fry Christopher


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Fuldheim Dorothy


Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Fuller Buckminster


The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Fuller Buckminster


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Fuller R. Buckminster


"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Fuller R. Buckminster


You get what you pay for.

Fylstra Dan





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Calling you stupid is an insult to stupid people!
Wanda

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