AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! AWAKE!

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

Nice guys finish last.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

To teach is to learn twice.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

I stick my neck out for nobody.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Art is a jealous mistress.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Look before you leap.

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of one's life and then come round.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigo

Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Such evil deeds could religion prompt.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered].

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.

What an artist dies with me!

It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

My dear People. My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks, and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good Sackville Bagginses that I w

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us.

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Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point."

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.