The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern. I realize that the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile so we can be free to concern ourselves wi

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

Lansdale seized on the idea of using Nixon to build support for the [Vietnamese] elections ... really honest elections, this time. "Oh, sure, honest, yes, that's right," Nixon said, "so long as you win!" With that he winked, drove his elbow into La

I don't think they are going to give a shit about the Republican Committee trying to bug the Democratic Committee's headquarters.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

The perfect friend sees the best in you

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

To be is to be related.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

One good turn deserves another.

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.

"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.

What I tell you three times is true.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

I was in accord with the system so long as it permitted me to function effectively.

REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system? SENATOR: Bob, the MX missile system reminds me of an old saying that the country folk in my state like to say. It goes like this: "You can carry a pig for six miles, but if you set i

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

There is only one word for aid that is genuinely without strings, and that word is blackmail.

The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

A full belly makes a dull brain.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Walk softly and carry a big stick.

"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

If I had any humility I would be perfect.

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

When you jump for joy, beware that no-one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

We're all in this alone.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

Use an accordion. Go to jail.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

If a man slept by day, he had little time to work. That was a satisfying notion to Escargot.

The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.

Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that politics is almost always the choice of the lesser evil. "Tweedledum and Tweedledee," they say. "I will not vote." Having abstained, they are presented with a President who appoints t

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Better late than never.

You can't underestimate the power of fear.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

There is always something new out of Africa.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.

May you live in uninteresting times.

Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come.

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

One is often kept in the right road by a rut.

Therefore it is necessary to learn how not to be good, and to use this knowledge and not use it, according to the necessity of the cause.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

When the sun shineth, make hay.

The goys have proven the following theorem...

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

The fact that it works is immaterial.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

I'm not a lovable man.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

I used to be a rebel in my youth. This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL! But I learned. Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own problems. So I lost interest in politics. Now when I feel aroused by

God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman... not enough to support a man and fiv

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim, 'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and a

However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or wha

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his.

... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of the past.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

... whether it is better to spend a life not knowing what you want or to spend a life knowing exactly what you want and that you will never have it.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Thinking you know something is a sure way to blind yourself.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

We are upping our standards ... so up yours.

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

The most recent attempt to revive the moribund campus left, a national conference held at Rutgers University February 5-7, ended when the participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national organization. The stated goal of the c

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Rincewind looked down at him and grinned slowly. It was a wide, manic, and utterly humourless rictus. It was the sort of grin that is normally accompanied by small riverside birds wandering in and out, picking scraps out of the teeth.

With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS ag

The superfluous is very necessary.

He who renders warfare fatal to all engaged in it will be the greatest benefactor the world has yet known.

Personifiers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.