The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

All is well that ends well.

The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.

A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Another day, another dollar.

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Who's scruffy-looking?

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not, when a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and apparently incoherent songs. I was myself within the circle, so that I neither saw nor heard as those without might

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

The white race is the cancer of history.

It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

The best you get is an even break.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

It follows that any commander in chief who undertakes to carry out a plan which he considers defective is at fault; he must put forth his reasons, insist of the plan being changed, and finally tender his resignation rather than be the instrument of h

Events are not affected, they develop.

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

We are what we pretend to be.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.

If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream and never be our destiny.

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.

Never promise more than you can perform.

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away."

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

They're giving bank robbing a bad name.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

God is Dead.

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

While there's life, there's hope.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

To say you got a vote of confidence would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto

Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.