Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

In charity there is no excess.

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Most general statements are false, including this one.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.

Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not, when a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and apparently incoherent songs. I was myself within the circle, so that I neither saw nor heard as those without might

"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Necessity has no law.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Practice is the best of all instructors.

As to Jesus of Nazareth... I think the system of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present Dissent

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

If you catch a man, throw him back.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love. The poor know that it is money.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

"They make a desert and call it peace."

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties.

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

The fact that it works is immaterial.

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

Yawd [noun, Bostonese]: the campus of Have Id.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

If we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage it, and involve others in our doom.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

per year.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

We're all in this alone.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

If you want divine justice, die.

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions. ... The new style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely ins

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.

Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.

It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts."

Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven; The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change. These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of the past.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't find anyone. Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three captains, two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge. Never in the history of war have s

Big book, big bore.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

There's no justice in this world.

The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Small is beautiful.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Let sleeping dogs lie.

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"