Thou hast seen nothing yet.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Beggars should be no choosers.

I will make you shorter by the head.

My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which all primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the powerful approach of spring, penetrating with joy all of nature, that those Dionysian stirrings arise, which in their int

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

"There is a God, but He drinks"

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of the past.

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Big book, big bore.

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

When in doubt, tell the truth.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ances

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

One big pile is better than two little piles.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Why be a man when you can be a success?

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Serfs up!

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

If God is One, what is bad?

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

Leave no stone unturned.

Better the prince of some inferior court, Than second, or less, in beatific light.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

"That's no answer," Job said, "And for someone who's supposed to be omnipotent, let me tell you 'tabernacle' has only one l."

There are no answers, only cross-references.

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.

NEW YORK

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Who's scruffy-looking?

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Events are not affected, they develop.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.