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A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

G Gen.


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

G. Gordon Liddy's


Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke. Hartke is a governor or mayor or something from one of the flatter states, and the reason you'll be reading about him is tha

G. Roy


Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

G. Roy


All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Galbraith J.K.


"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case. It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober."

Galbraith J.K.


Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Galbraith John Kenneth


Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

Galbraith John Kenneth


Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Galbraith John Kenneth


Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind- bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument follows:

Galilei Galileo


I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

Gallagher


Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Gallagher Eugene P.


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Gallaher M.


Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Gallaher M.


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Galsworthy John


Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."

Game


When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

Gandhi


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Gandhi Indira


But you shall not escape my iambics.

Gandhi Indira


Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Gandhi Mahatma


Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Gandhi Mahatma


The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food. The wo

Gandhi Mahatma


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Gandhi Mahatma


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Garbers J.


The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Garfield


The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.

Garrison William Lloyd


The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Garrison Keillor


I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Gary Gilmore


"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Gary Trudeau


A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Gasset Jos'e Ortega Y


The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is marxism.

Gauguin Paul


In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.

Gauguin Paul


Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.

Gaulle Charles de


The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Gaulle Charles de


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Gaultier Jules de


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Gauss


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Gauvreay Emile Henry


Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.

Gavin General James


With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Geis R.


The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum.

Geis R.


Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Geis R.


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Gene Kirkwood


... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Genter Quentin


With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

George


A political man can have as his aim the realization of freedom, but he has no means to realize it other than through violence.

George F. Baer railroad


"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal

George Kennan


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

George Saunder


An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

George Seldes


Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Gerald Weinberg


The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Gerould Katharine Fullerton


I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend than be one.

Gerrold David


Getting into trouble is easy.

Gerrold David


Look before you leap.

Gess Bene


Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Getty J. Paul


You'd better smile when they watch you, smile like you're in control.

Getty J.P.


Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Giancana Sam


We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.

Giancana Sam e


Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

Gibbon Edward


The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Gibbon Edward


All phone calls are obscene.

Gibbons Edward


The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

Gibran Kahlil


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Gibran Kahlil


Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

Gibran Kahlil


We have art that we do not die of the truth.

Gibson J.J.


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Giddens Gary


The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

Gilbert W.S.


Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Gillette George Francis


Beggars should be no choosers.

Gilliam E.A.


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Ginsberg Allen


Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Ginsberg Allen


We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Giraudoux Jean


Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try.

Giraudoux Jean


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Glymour. C.


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Gnaeus Pompeius


Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Gobeil Madeleine


"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

Godwin Gail


All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.

Goebbels Josef


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Goering Hermann


If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

Goering Hermann


Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Goethe


There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Goethe


Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Goethe


"I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and 25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be true."

Goethe


Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Goethe


The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.

Goethe


Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

Goethe


When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Goethe Johann Wolfgang von


What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

Goethe Johann van


October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

Gold Vic


[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.

Gold Barry


Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Goldenstern


If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it.

Goldfinger Auric


United Nations, New York, December 25. The peace and joy of the Christmas season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of all the military forces of the world. Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of every persuasion. Meanwhil

Goldthwait Bobcat


Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Goldwater Barry


It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Goldwater Barry


Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Goldwater Sen. Barry


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Goldwater Senator Barry


It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Goldwater Barry


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Goldwater Senator Barry


Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Goldwyn Samuel


If the Nazis had television with satellite technology, we'd all be goose-stepping. Americans are just as suggestible.

Goldwyn Samuel


It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Goldwyn Samuel


A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Gondorf Henry


I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Good Glynda the


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Goodman Saul


For a light heart lives long.

Gordon Karen Elizabeth


After the ground war began, captured Iraqi soldiers said any of them caught by superiors wearing a white T-shirt would be executed because of the ease with which the shirts could be used as surrender flags. Some Iraqi soldiers carried bleach with th

Gordon George


Another day, another dollar.

Gorin Amy


Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

Gorin Amy


He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Gould Jay


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Gould Jay


According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their

Goulden Joseph C.


Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Goulden Joseph C.


What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Goulden Joseph C.


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Grant Cary


Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Grant Cary


Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending t

Gravy Wavy


It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Gregory Dick


Confucius say too much.

Greville Fulke


The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Grogan Emmett


If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last car he ever lays down in front of.

Groucho Marx


I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as the greatest of dangers to be feared. To preserve our independence, we must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. If we run into such debts, we must be taxed i

Grover


You can't play your friends like marks, kid.

Guaspari David


Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Guido Mark


Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Guindon


Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Guindon


I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Guiness


The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Guiness


A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

Gusenberg Frank


It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat your own family with loving un

Guthrie Arlo


You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

Guzik Jake


And what accomplished villains these old engineers were! What diabolical ways to sabotage they found! Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's Comissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the economic problems involved in

Guzman Adolfo


Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.

Gween Actor Edmond


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Gyles Brandreth





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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
Twain Mark

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