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Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

H.G. Wells

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Ha Nate

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Hagen Walter

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Hague Frank

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Hahn Tim

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Haig Alexander

Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Haldeman H.R.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Half-Constru Racter

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Hallock Addison H.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Halsey Admiral William

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Hamilton Alexander

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Hamilton Alexander

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Hamilton Edith

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Hamlet Dick

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Hammarskjold Dag

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Hampton Christopher

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Handley Jack

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.


American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Hardin Salvor

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Harding Warren G.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Harper Lucille S.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Harper Roy


Harris Sidney

Another day, another dollar.

Harris Sydney

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Harris Sydney J.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Harris Sydney J.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Harris Sydney J.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Harris Sydney J.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.


I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Harrold Mark

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Harry Dirty

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Harry Dirty

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Hart Johnny

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.


"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Haskins Ernest

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Hawes J.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.


"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Hawley Cameron

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Hayakawa S.I.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

Hazlitt William

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Heidi Hartmann

Haste makes waste.


Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Heinlein R.A.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Heinlein Robert

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Heinlein Robert

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Heller Joseph

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Heller Robert

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Heller Joseph

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Heller Joseph

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Heller Joseph

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Heller Joseph

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Hellman Lillian

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Hemingway Ernest

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Hemingway Ernest

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Henrik Ibsen

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Henry Durant

Anything is possible on paper.

Henry James

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Henry Robert

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

In my end is my beginning.


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Herbert A.P.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Herbert Frank

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Herbert Frank

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Herbert Hoover

Nothing succeeds like success.


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.


Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Heroi Stephen Pile

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Heroi Stephen Pile

While there's life, there's hope.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Home is where the hurt is.

Heroi Stephen Pile

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Heroi Stephen Pile

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Heroi Stephen Pile

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Herold Don

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Heywood John

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Heywood John

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Heywood John

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Heywood John

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Heywood John

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

Heywood John

I love treason but hate a traitor.

Heywood John

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Heywood John

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Heywood John

General notions are generally wrong.

Heywood John

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Heywood John

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Heywood John

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Heywood John

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Heywood John

God help those who do not help themselves.

Heywood John

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Heywood John

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Hicks D.J.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Hickson W.E.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

Hightower Jim

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Hildebrand Joel

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Hinckley John

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Hindu Code

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Hinojosa Daniel

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.


Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Hitler Adolf

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Hitler Adolf

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Hitler Adolf

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Hitler Adolf

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Hitler Adolf

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Hitler Adolf

Men are superior to women.

Hitler Adolph

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Hitler Adolph

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

Hitler Adolph

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Hobbs Calvin and

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Hodder-Williams Christopher

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Hoest Bill

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Hoffer Eric

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Hoffer Eric

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Hoffman A.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Hoffman Abbie

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Holla Xaviera

Imagine what we can imagine!

Holmes Oliver Wendell

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

There is no fool to the old fool.

Holmes Sherlock

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Holmes Sherlock

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Holyoke Edward

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Holzer Jenny

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.


For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Honda. Harpoon a

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Hook Sidney

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Hoover Herbert

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Hoover Herbert

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Hoover J. Edgar

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Hoover J. Edgar

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Hoover J. Edgar

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Hoover J. Edgar

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Hope A.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Hope Bob

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

Hope Bob

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Hoppe Art

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Hopper Grace Murray

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Hopper Grace Murray

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."


Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.


The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Horner M.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Horning Jim

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Houghton Blair

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Houseman A.E.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Howe E.W.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Howe Edgar W.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Howe Irving

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Howe Nathaniel

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Hubbard Elbert

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Hubbard Elbert

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Hubbard Elbert

Why be a man when you can be a success?

Hubbard Elbert

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Hubbard Elbert

All is well that ends well.

Hubbard Elbert

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Hubbard F.M.

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Hubbard Frank

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Hubbard Frank

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Hubbard Kim

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Hubbard Kim

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Hubbard Kim

Men will fuck mud.

Hubbard Kin

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Hubbard Kin

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Hubbard L. Ron

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Hubbard L. Ron

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Hudson Henry

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Hugo Victor

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

Hugo Victor

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Hugo Victor

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Hugo Victor

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Humphrey Hubert

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Hunter S. Thompson

Necessity hath no law.

Huntingd Collis P.

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Hurley Jack

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Huron Port

One good turn asketh another.

Hutchins Robert M.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Huxley Aldous

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Huxley Aldous

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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