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Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

H.G. Wells

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Ha Nate

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Hagen Walter

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

Hague Frank

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Hahn Tim

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

Haig Alexander

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Haldeman H.R.

We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

Half-Constru Racter

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Hallock Addison H.

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

Halsey Admiral William

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Hamilton Alexander

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Hamilton Alexander

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Hamilton Edith

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

Hamlet Dick

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Hammarskjold Dag

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

Hampton Christopher

Rome was not built in one day.

Handley Jack

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.


Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Hardin Salvor

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Harding Warren G.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Harper Lucille S.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Harper Roy

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Harris Sidney

BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

Harris Sydney

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Harris Sydney J.

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Harris Sydney J.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Harris Sydney J.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Harris Sydney J.

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin


A man's house is his castle.

Harrold Mark

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Harry Dirty

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Harry Dirty

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Hart Johnny

Go ahead... make my day.


What we wish, that we readily believe.

Haskins Ernest

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

Hawes J.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."


"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Hawley Cameron

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Hayakawa S.I.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Hazlitt William

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

Heidi Hartmann

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Heinlein R.A.

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Heinlein Robert

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Heinlein Robert

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Heller Joseph

The fact that it works is immaterial.

Heller Robert

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Heller Joseph

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Heller Joseph

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Heller Joseph

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

Heller Joseph

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Hellman Lillian

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Hemingway Ernest

Hemingway Ernest

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Hemingway Peter Applebome

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Henrik Ibsen

The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

Henry Durant

Getting into trouble is easy.

Henry James

If there is no wind, row.

Henry Robert

Practice yourself what you preach.

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Herbert A.P.

Your wig steers the gig.

Herbert Frank

There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Herbert Frank

Turn the other cheek.

Herbert Hoover

Yawd [noun, Bostonese]: the campus of Have Id.


If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.


A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.


The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Save the Whales

Heroi Stephen Pile

America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

Heroi Stephen Pile

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Heroi Stephen Pile

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Heroi Stephen Pile

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

Herold Don

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Heywood John

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Heywood John

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

Heywood John

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Heywood John

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Heywood John

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Heywood John

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Heywood John

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Heywood John

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Heywood John

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Heywood John

Naked children have never played in _o_u_r fountains, and I.M. Pei will never be happy on Route 66.

Heywood John

Genius is pain.

Heywood John

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Heywood John

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Heywood John

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

Heywood John

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Heywood John

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Hicks D.J.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Hickson W.E.

No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.

Hightower Jim

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Hildebrand Joel

I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.

Hinckley John

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Hindu Code

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Hinojosa Daniel

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."


The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Hitler Adolf

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Hitler Adolf

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Hitler Adolf

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

Hitler Adolf

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Hitler Adolf

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Hitler Adolf

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Hitler Adolph

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

Hitler Adolph

One good turn asketh another.

Hitler Adolph

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Hobbs Calvin and

If I had any humility I would be perfect.

Hodder-Williams Christopher

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Hoest Bill

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Hoffer Eric

My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

Hoffer Eric

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Hoffman A.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Hoffman Abbie

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Holla Xaviera

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Holmes Sherlock

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Holmes Sherlock

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

Holyoke Edward

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Holzer Jenny

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.


Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.


The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Honda. Harpoon a

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Hook Sidney

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Hoover Herbert

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Hoover Herbert

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Hoover J. Edgar

Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

Hoover J. Edgar

In my end is my beginning.

Hoover J. Edgar

A man is known by the company he organizes.

Hoover J. Edgar

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Hope A.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Hope Bob

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Hope Bob

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Hoppe Art

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Hopper Grace Murray

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Hopper Grace Murray

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo


There is always something new out of Africa.


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Horner M.

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

Horning Jim

God help those who do not help themselves.

Houghton Blair

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

Houseman A.E.

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Howe E.W.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Howe Edgar W.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Howe Irving

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Howe Nathaniel

Small is beautiful.

Hubbard Elbert

No two persons ever read the same book.

Hubbard Elbert

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Hubbard Elbert

The better part of valor is discretion.

Hubbard Elbert

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Hubbard Elbert

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Hubbard Elbert

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Hubbard F.M.

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Hubbard Frank

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Hubbard Frank

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Hubbard Kim

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Hubbard Kim

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Hubbard Kim

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Hubbard Kin

Nothing succeeds like success.

Hubbard Kin

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Hubbard L. Ron

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Hubbard L. Ron

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Hudson Henry

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Hugo Victor

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Hugo Victor

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Hugo Victor

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Hugo Victor

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Humphrey Hubert

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Hunter S. Thompson

There's no such thing as an original sin.

Huntingd Collis P.

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Hurley Jack

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Huron Port

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Hutchins Robert M.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Huxley Aldous

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Huxley Aldous

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.
Parker Dorothy

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