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No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good intentions. He had money as well.

H.G. Wells

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Ha Nate

If Jesus Christ came to this town, people would say, great guy; terrible carpenter.

Hagen Walter

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Hague Frank

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Hahn Tim

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

Haig Alexander

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Haldeman H.R.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Half-Constru Racter

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Hallock Addison H.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Halsey Admiral William

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science."

Hamilton Alexander

Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

Hamilton Alexander

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Hamilton Edith

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Hamlet Dick

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Hammarskjold Dag

The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.

Hampton Christopher

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Handley Jack

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.


You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on coming back down.

Hardin Salvor

"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."

Harding Warren G.

The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"

Harper Lucille S.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Harper Roy

The great nations have always acted like gangsters and the small nations like prostitutes.

Harris Sidney

Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

Harris Sydney

If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport.

Harris Sydney J.

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.

Harris Sydney J.

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was ... an arctic wilderness.

Harris Sydney J.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his.

Harris Sydney J.

For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Harrold Mark

The scum also rises.

Harry Dirty

When, in 1964, New Hampshire Republican Senator Norris Cotton announced his support of Bary Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was questioned as to whether this indicated a change of his hitherto "liberal" political views. "Well," expla

Harry Dirty

Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.

Hart Johnny

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.


It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Haskins Ernest

"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate from a recent statement he made compar

Hawes J.

Even God cannot change the past.


Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.

Hawley Cameron

I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

Hayakawa S.I.

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

Hazlitt William

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

Heidi Hartmann

You won't skid if you stay in a rut.


Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

Heinlein R.A.

The Crown is full of it!

Heinlein Robert

Four fifths of the perjury in the world is expended on tombstones, women and competitors.

Heinlein Robert

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Heller Joseph

He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey.

Heller Robert

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Heller Joseph

The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.

Heller Joseph

If Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country.

Heller Joseph

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

Heller Joseph

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Hellman Lillian

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Hemingway Ernest

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

Hemingway Ernest

I always choose my friends for their good looks and my enemies for their good intellects. Man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Henrik Ibsen

We are all born mad. Some remain so.

Henry Durant

We have no scorched earth policy. We have a policy of scorched Communists.

Henry James

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Henry Robert

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had


Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.

Herbert A.P.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

Herbert Frank

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Herbert Frank

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Herbert Hoover

"I don't understand," said the scientist, "why you lemmings all rush down to the sea and drown yourselves." "How curious," said the lemming. "The one thing I don't understand is why you human beings don't."


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.


In the long run we are all dead.


No one so thoroughly appreciates the value of constructive criticism as the one who's giving it.


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.


Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do.

Heroi Stephen Pile

If you have seen one city slum you have seen them all.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Heroi Stephen Pile

"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike."

Heroi Stephen Pile

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Heroi Stephen Pile

It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Herold Don

Don't get mad, get even.

Heywood John

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Heywood John

If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.

Heywood John

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Heywood John

The streets were dark with something more than night.

Heywood John

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Heywood John

It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

Heywood John

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Heywood John

I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.

Heywood John

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Heywood John

The great secret in life ... [is] not to open your letters for a fortnight. At the expiration of that period you will find that nearly all of them have answered themselves.

Heywood John

Every why hath a wherefore.

Heywood John

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Heywood John

Look before you leap.

Heywood John

Every man is apt to form his notions of things difficult to be apprehended, or less familiar, from their analogy to things which are more familiar. Thus, if a man bred to the seafaring life, and accustomed to think and talk only of matters relating t

Heywood John

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Heywood John

The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use.

Hicks D.J.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Hickson W.E.

We are upping our standards ... so up yours.

Hightower Jim

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Hildebrand Joel

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Hinckley John

Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US invasion of Grenada. Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme a quart

Hindu Code

To use violence is to already be defeated.

Hinojosa Daniel

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.


What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Hitler Adolf

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Hitler Adolf

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

Hitler Adolf

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Hitler Adolf

"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

Hitler Adolf

I go the way that Providence dictates.

Hitler Adolf

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Hitler Adolph

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Hitler Adolph

Confidence is simply that quiet, assured feeling you have before you fall flat on your face.

Hitler Adolph

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

Hobbs Calvin and

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Hodder-Williams Christopher

Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?

Hoest Bill

If atheism is to be used to express the state of mind in which God is identified with the unknowable, and theology is pronounced to be a collection of meaningless words about unintelligible chimeras, then I have no doubt, and I think few people doubt

Hoffer Eric

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Hoffer Eric

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we".

Hoffman A.

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Hoffman Abbie

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Holla Xaviera

Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

The health of a democratic society may be measured by the quality of functions performed by private citizens.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbour notice it.

Holmes Sherlock

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Holmes Sherlock

One of the pleasures of reading old letters is the knowledge that they need no answer.

Holyoke Edward

If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.

Holzer Jenny

Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.


Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.


The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.

Honda. Harpoon a

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Hook Sidney

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Hoover Herbert

Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

Hoover Herbert

People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.

Hoover J. Edgar

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Hoover J. Edgar

Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

Hoover J. Edgar

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Hoover J. Edgar

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Hope A.

The world wants to be deceived.

Hope Bob

When there are two conflicting versions of the story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.

Hope Bob

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Hoppe Art

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Hopper Grace Murray

"Quite frankly, I don't like you humans. After what you all have done, I find being 'inhuman' a compliment."

Hopper Grace Murray

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"


Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.


It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.


Sometimes I get the feeling that I went to a party on Perry Lane in 1962, and the party spilled out of the house, and came down the street, and covered the world.

Horner M.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Horning Jim

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Houghton Blair

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Houseman A.E.

I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.

Howe E.W.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Howe Edgar W.

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

Howe Irving

You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.

Howe Nathaniel

You must know that a man can have only one invulnerable loyalty, loyalty to his own concept of the obligations of manhood. All other loyalties are merely deputies of that one.

Hubbard Elbert

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Hubbard Elbert

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

Hubbard Elbert

Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent. When Lord Copper was right he said "Definitely, Lord Copper"; when he was wrong, "Up to a point." "Let me see, what's the name of the place I mean? Capital of Japan? Yokoh

Hubbard Elbert

There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.

Hubbard Elbert

If you float on instinct alone, how can you calculate the buoyancy for the computed load?

Hubbard Elbert

Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living.

Hubbard F.M.

Charity begins at home.

Hubbard Frank

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

Hubbard Frank

We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.

Hubbard Kim

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Hubbard Kim

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Hubbard Kim

A decade after Vietnam, we still cannot understand why "their" Salvadorans fight better than "our" Salvadorans. It is not a matter of their training or their equipment. It has to do with the quality of the society we are asking them to risk death d

Hubbard Kin

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Hubbard Kin

All kings is mostly rapscallions.

Hubbard L. Ron

The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

Hubbard L. Ron

Turn the other cheek.

Hudson Henry

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Hugo Victor

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Hugo Victor

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Hugo Victor

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Hugo Victor

Real wealth can only increase.

Humphrey Hubert

I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.

Hunter S. Thompson

People say I live in my own little fantasy world... well, at least they *know* me there!

Huntingd Collis P.

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Hurley Jack

Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape and one of the reels is missing?

Huron Port

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Hutchins Robert M.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Huxley Aldous

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Huxley Aldous

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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