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... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

H.G. Wells

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Ha Nate

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Hagen Walter

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Hague Frank

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Hahn Tim

The man who runs may fight again.

Haig Alexander

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Haldeman H.R.

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

Half-Constru Racter

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Hallock Addison H.

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Halsey Admiral William

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Hamilton Alexander

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Hamilton Alexander

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Hamilton Edith

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Hamlet Dick

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Hammarskjold Dag

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Hampton Christopher

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Handley Jack

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.


Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

Hardin Salvor

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Harding Warren G.

Too much of everything is just enough.

Harper Lucille S.

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Harper Roy

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Harris Sidney

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

Harris Sydney

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

Harris Sydney J.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Harris Sydney J.

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Harris Sydney J.

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Harris Sydney J.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.


L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Harrold Mark

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Harry Dirty

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Harry Dirty

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Hart Johnny

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.


The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Haskins Ernest

Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.

Hawes J.

Look before you leap.


I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Hawley Cameron

Never laugh at live dragons.

Hayakawa S.I.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Hazlitt William

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Heidi Hartmann

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.


To generalize is to be an idiot.

Heinlein R.A.

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Heinlein Robert

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Heinlein Robert

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

Heller Joseph

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Heller Robert

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Heller Joseph

Man is the measure of all things.

Heller Joseph

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Heller Joseph

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Heller Joseph

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Hellman Lillian

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Hemingway Ernest

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Hemingway Ernest

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Henrik Ibsen

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Henry Durant

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Henry James

Another day, another dollar.

Henry Robert

Real wealth can only increase.

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author


The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Herbert A.P.

One good turn deserves another.

Herbert Frank

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Herbert Frank

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Herbert Hoover

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?


He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.


Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.


Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.


Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.


If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Heroi Stephen Pile

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Heroi Stephen Pile

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

Heroi Stephen Pile

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Heroi Stephen Pile

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their

Heroi Stephen Pile

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Herold Don

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Heywood John

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Heywood John

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Heywood John

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Heywood John

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Heywood John

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Heywood John

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Heywood John

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Heywood John

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Heywood John

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Heywood John

Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come.

Heywood John

The coast was clear.

Heywood John

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

Heywood John

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Heywood John

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Heywood John

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Heywood John

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Hicks D.J.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Hickson W.E.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Hightower Jim

Men will fuck mud.

Hildebrand Joel

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Hinckley John

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Hindu Code

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Hinojosa Daniel

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.


Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Hitler Adolf

Necessity hath no law.

Hitler Adolf

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Hitler Adolf

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Hitler Adolf

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.

Hitler Adolf

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Hitler Adolf

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Hitler Adolph

Flame on!

Hitler Adolph

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Hitler Adolph

Think sideways!

Hobbs Calvin and

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Hodder-Williams Christopher

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Hoest Bill

I'll never get off this planet.

Hoffer Eric

Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".

Hoffer Eric

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Hoffman A.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

Hoffman Abbie

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Holla Xaviera

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Holmes Sherlock

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Holmes Sherlock

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Holyoke Edward

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Holzer Jenny

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.


The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.


A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Honda. Harpoon a

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Hook Sidney

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Hoover Herbert

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Hoover Herbert

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Hoover J. Edgar

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

Hoover J. Edgar

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Hoover J. Edgar

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Hoover J. Edgar

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Hope A.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Hope Bob

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Hope Bob

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Hoppe Art

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Hopper Grace Murray

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Hopper Grace Murray

"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."


Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.


"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to


No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so fo

Horner M.

The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

Horning Jim

In charity there is no excess.

Houghton Blair

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Houseman A.E.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Howe E.W.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Howe Edgar W.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Howe Irving

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Howe Nathaniel

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Hubbard Elbert

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.

Hubbard Elbert

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Hubbard Elbert

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Hubbard Elbert

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Hubbard Elbert

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Hubbard Elbert

We're all in this alone.

Hubbard F.M.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Hubbard Frank

Knowledge is power.

Hubbard Frank

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Hubbard Kim

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Hubbard Kim

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Hubbard Kim

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Hubbard Kin

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Hubbard Kin

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Hubbard L. Ron

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Hubbard L. Ron

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

Hudson Henry

There is always something new out of Africa.

Hugo Victor

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Hugo Victor

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Hugo Victor

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Hugo Victor

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Humphrey Hubert

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Hunter S. Thompson

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Huntingd Collis P.

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Hurley Jack

Another day, another dollar.

Huron Port

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Hutchins Robert M.

This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

Huxley Aldous

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Huxley Aldous

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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