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If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

H.G. Wells


I steal.

Ha Nate


Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Hagen Walter


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Hague Frank


The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.

Hahn Tim


An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Haig Alexander


Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Haldeman H.R.


If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Half-Constru Racter


No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Hallock Addison H.


It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Halsey Admiral William


All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Hamilton Alexander


Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Hamilton Alexander


The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

Hamilton Edith


The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Hamlet Dick


My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

Hammarskjold Dag


In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Hampton Christopher


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Handley Jack


A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Hardin


When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Hardin Salvor


Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Harding Warren G.


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Harper Lucille S.


Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

Harper Roy


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Harris Sidney


Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

Harris Sydney


"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Harris Sydney J.


God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

Harris Sydney J.


To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

Harris Sydney J.


Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

Harris Sydney J.


Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Harrison


There is a limit to the admiration we may hold for a man who spends his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.

Harrold Mark


If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Harry Dirty


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Harry Dirty


Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Hart Johnny


Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.

Hartm


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Haskins Ernest


"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

Hawes J.


[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Hawkwind


We're all in this alone.

Hawley Cameron


Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Hayakawa S.I.


Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Hazlitt William


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Heidi Hartmann


Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

Heine


The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Heinlein R.A.


Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Heinlein Robert


It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.

Heinlein Robert


A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Heller Joseph


If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream and never be our destiny.

Heller Robert


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Heller Joseph


There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Heller Joseph


[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

Heller Joseph


"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Heller Joseph


Law stands mute in the midst of arms.

Hellman Lillian


A man is known by the company he organizes.

Hemingway Ernest


The only excuse for God is that he doesn't exist.

Hemingway Ernest


What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Hemingway Peter Applebome


Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall


Home is where the hurt is.

Henrik Ibsen


If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Henry Durant


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Henry James


Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Henry Robert


Hepbur Dorothy Parker


The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Heraclitus


When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Herbert A.P.


A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Herbert Frank


Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Herbert Frank


Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Herbert Hoover


It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Herodotus


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Herodotus


I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Herodotus


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Herodotus


I have a very strange feeling about this...

Herodotus


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Heroi Stephen Pile


In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Heroi Stephen Pile


They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Heroi Stephen Pile


There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Heroi Stephen Pile


A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Heroi Stephen Pile


Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Heroi Stephen Pile


However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or wha

Heroi Stephen Pile


It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

Herold Don


It is better to have loved and lost

Heywood John


After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Heywood John


Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Heywood John


I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Heywood John


When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

Heywood John


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Heywood John


I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Heywood John


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Heywood John


It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Heywood John


Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Heywood John


Go ahead... make my day.

Heywood John


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Heywood John


British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Heywood John


Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Heywood John


No two persons ever read the same book.

Heywood John


Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Heywood John


My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Hicks D.J.


In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Hickson W.E.


I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

Hightower Jim


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Hildebrand Joel


You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.

Hinckley John


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Hindu Code


If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

Hinojosa Daniel


All art is but imitation of nature.

Hippocrates


Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.

Hitler Adolf


Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

Hitler Adolf


I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Hitler Adolf


"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies."

Hitler Adolf


Yawd [noun, Bostonese]: the campus of Have Id.

Hitler Adolf


Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Hitler Adolf


It looks like it's up to me to save our skins. Get into that garbage chute, flyboy!

Hitler Adolph


Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Hitler Adolph


Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Hitler Adolph


Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.

Hobbs Calvin and


A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

Hodder-Williams Christopher


The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Hoest Bill


Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Hoffer Eric


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Hoffer Eric


"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

Hoffman A.


The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Hoffman Abbie


Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Holla Xaviera


As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Holmes Oliver Wendell


Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Holmes Oliver Wendell


Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Holmes Sherlock


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Holmes Sherlock


A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Holyoke Edward


Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

Holzer Jenny


The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.

Homer


To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Homer


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Honda. Harpoon a


People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.

Hook Sidney


Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Hoover Herbert


In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

Hoover Herbert


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Hoover J. Edgar


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Hoover J. Edgar


With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Hoover J. Edgar


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Hoover J. Edgar


Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters.

Hope A.


Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Hope Bob


I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Hope Bob


I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Hoppe Art


An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.

Hopper Grace Murray


There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Hopper Grace Murray


What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Horace


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Horace


If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Horace


No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Horner M.


Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Horning Jim


Another day, another dollar.

Houghton Blair


America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

Houseman A.E.


I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any Church that I know of. My own mind is my own Church.

Howe E.W.


Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

Howe Edgar W.


"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

Howe Irving


"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

Howe Nathaniel


"There is a God, but He drinks"

Hubbard Elbert


Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Hubbard Elbert


The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Hubbard Elbert


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Hubbard Elbert


I owe the public nothing.

Hubbard Elbert


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Hubbard Elbert


To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Hubbard F.M.


Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Hubbard Frank


Why be a man when you can be a success?

Hubbard Frank


Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Hubbard Kim


"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike."

Hubbard Kim


The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Hubbard Kim


To lead people, you must follow behind.

Hubbard Kin


The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Hubbard Kin


I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Hubbard L. Ron


If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Hubbard L. Ron


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Hudson Henry


Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Hugo Victor


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Hugo Victor


When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

Hugo Victor


There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Hugo Victor


If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

Humphrey Hubert


The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Hunter S. Thompson


Where you stand depends on where you sit.

Huntingd Collis P.


"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Hurley Jack


Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

Huron Port


The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

Hutchins Robert M.


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Huxley Aldous


The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Huxley Aldous


Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

hy it wasn't a hype. If you





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Her days were spent in a kind of slow bustle; always busy without getting on, always behind hand and lamenting it, without altering her ways; wishing to be an economist, without contrivance or regularity; dissatisfied with her servants, without skill
Austen J.

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