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Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

H.G. Wells

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Ha Nate

To know Edina is to reject it.

Hagen Walter

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Hague Frank

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Hahn Tim

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Haig Alexander

If you want divine justice, die.

Haldeman H.R.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Half-Constru Racter

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Hallock Addison H.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Halsey Admiral William

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Hamilton Alexander

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Hamilton Alexander

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Hamilton Edith

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Hamlet Dick

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Hammarskjold Dag

They're giving bank robbing a bad name.

Hampton Christopher

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Handley Jack

What fools these mortals be.


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Hardin Salvor

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Harding Warren G.

We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

Harper Lucille S.

I'll never get off this planet.

Harper Roy

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Harris Sidney

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Harris Sydney

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Harris Sydney J.

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Harris Sydney J.

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Harris Sydney J.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Harris Sydney J.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Harrold Mark

There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Harry Dirty

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Harry Dirty

Set the cart before the horse.

Hart Johnny

I have a very strange feeling about this...


Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Haskins Ernest

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Hawes J.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.


Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Hawley Cameron

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Hayakawa S.I.

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Hazlitt William

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Heidi Hartmann

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions


Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Heinlein R.A.

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Heinlein Robert

He hath eaten me out of house and home.

Heinlein Robert

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Heller Joseph

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Heller Robert

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Heller Joseph

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Heller Joseph

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Heller Joseph

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Heller Joseph

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Hellman Lillian

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Hemingway Ernest

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Hemingway Ernest

Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

Haste makes waste.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Henrik Ibsen

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Henry Durant

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Henry James

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Henry Robert

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

I'm glad I was not born before tea.


Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Herbert A.P.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Herbert Frank

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Herbert Frank

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Herbert Hoover

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.


Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.


The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.


Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.


Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Heroi Stephen Pile

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Heroi Stephen Pile

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Heroi Stephen Pile

"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

Heroi Stephen Pile

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Heroi Stephen Pile

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

Herold Don

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Heywood John

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Heywood John

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Heywood John

Nothing recedes like success.

Heywood John

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Heywood John

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Heywood John

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Heywood John

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Heywood John

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Heywood John

She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.

Heywood John

The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.

Heywood John

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Heywood John

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Heywood John

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Heywood John

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Heywood John

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Heywood John

Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Hicks D.J.

Save the Whales

Hickson W.E.

Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better than he does. As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about it. I am told that he appears to be strong and

Hightower Jim

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Hildebrand Joel

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Hinckley John

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

Hindu Code

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Hinojosa Daniel

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as


Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Hitler Adolf

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Hitler Adolf


Hitler Adolf

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Hitler Adolf

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Hitler Adolf

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Hitler Adolf

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Hitler Adolph

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Hitler Adolph

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Hitler Adolph

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Hobbs Calvin and

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Hodder-Williams Christopher

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Hoest Bill

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Hoffer Eric

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Hoffer Eric

A man's house is his castle.

Hoffman A.

I owe the public nothing.

Hoffman Abbie

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Holla Xaviera

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Holmes Oliver Wendell

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

Go ahead... make my day.

Holmes Sherlock

Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.

Holmes Sherlock

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Holyoke Edward

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Holzer Jenny

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.


General notions are generally wrong.


A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Honda. Harpoon a

It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Hook Sidney

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Hoover Herbert

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Hoover Herbert

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Hoover J. Edgar

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Hoover J. Edgar

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

Hoover J. Edgar

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Hoover J. Edgar

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Hope A.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Hope Bob

If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Hope Bob

Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape and one of the reels is missing?

Hoppe Art

True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be.

Hopper Grace Murray

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Hopper Grace Murray

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.


Better late than never.


War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

Horner M.

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Horning Jim

Small is beautiful.

Houghton Blair

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Houseman A.E.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Howe E.W.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Howe Edgar W.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Howe Irving

Practice is the best of all instructors.

Howe Nathaniel


Hubbard Elbert

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Hubbard Elbert

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

Hubbard Elbert

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Hubbard Elbert

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Hubbard Elbert

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Hubbard Elbert

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Hubbard F.M.

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Hubbard Frank

To say you got a vote of confidence would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.

Hubbard Frank

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Hubbard Kim

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Hubbard Kim

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Hubbard Kim

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Hubbard Kin

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

Hubbard Kin

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Hubbard L. Ron

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.

Hubbard L. Ron

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Hudson Henry

Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Hugo Victor

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Hugo Victor

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

Hugo Victor

"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal

Hugo Victor

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Humphrey Hubert

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Hunter S. Thompson

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Huntingd Collis P.

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

Hurley Jack

To add insult to injury.

Huron Port

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Hutchins Robert M.

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Huxley Aldous

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Huxley Aldous

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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