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If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

H.G. Wells

If you float on instinct alone, how can you calculate the buoyancy for the computed load?

Ha Nate

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Hagen Walter

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Hague Frank

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Hahn Tim

Tempt not a desperate man.

Haig Alexander

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

Haldeman H.R.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Half-Constru Racter

Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

Hallock Addison H.

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Halsey Admiral William

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Hamilton Alexander

Visits always give pleasure: if not on arrival, then on the departure.

Hamilton Alexander

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Hamilton Edith

Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Hamlet Dick

Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Hammarskjold Dag

How is the world ruled, and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists, and they believe what they read.

Hampton Christopher

We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.

Handley Jack

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p


The Least Successful Defrosting Device The all-time record here is held by Mr. Peter Rowlands of Lancaster whose lips became frozen to his lock in 1979 while blowing warm air on it. "I got down on my knees to breathe into the lock. Somehow my lips

Hardin Salvor

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Harding Warren G.

The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.

Harper Lucille S.

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

Harper Roy

I'll give you my opinion of the human race in a nutshell ... their heart's in the right place, but their head is a thoroughly inefficient organ.

Harris Sidney

"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate from a recent statement he made compar

Harris Sydney

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Harris Sydney J.

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Harris Sydney J.

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Harris Sydney J.

Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.

Harris Sydney J.

If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it.


It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Harrold Mark

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Harry Dirty

What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

Harry Dirty

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Hart Johnny

Don't take a nickel, just hand them your business card.


The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion.

Haskins Ernest

I always say beauty is only sin deep.

Hawes J.

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!


In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

Hawley Cameron

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Hayakawa S.I.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Hazlitt William

question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;

Heidi Hartmann

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th


The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.

Heinlein R.A.

When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass and splintered wood, like a house in a whirlwind, or else a boat crushed by the icebergs or swept over the

Heinlein Robert

If I'm over the hill, why is it I don't recall ever being on top?

Heinlein Robert

No evil can happen to a good man.

Heller Joseph

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Heller Robert

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Heller Joseph

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Heller Joseph

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Heller Joseph

Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid or DMT. "Consciousness Expansion" went out with LBJ and it is worth noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.

Heller Joseph

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."

Hellman Lillian

They also serve who only stand and wait.

Hemingway Ernest

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.

Hemingway Ernest

... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in charity we can only call "inhuman."

Hemingway Peter Applebome

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity.

Henrik Ibsen

The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

Henry Durant

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Henry James

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Henry Robert

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Herbert A.P.

We have no scorched earth policy. We have a policy of scorched Communists.

Herbert Frank

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Herbert Frank

When, in 1964, New Hampshire Republican Senator Norris Cotton announced his support of Bary Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was questioned as to whether this indicated a change of his hitherto "liberal" political views. "Well," expla

Herbert Hoover

The more the merrier.


Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.


That's always the way when you discover something new; everyone thinks you're crazy.


There are no great men, buster. There are only men.


Free Speech Is The Right To Shout 'Theater' In A Crowded Fire.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Heroi Stephen Pile

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Heroi Stephen Pile

One would like to stroke and caress human beings, but one dares not do so, because they bite.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Tip O'Neill is just like Congress; old, fat and out of control.

Heroi Stephen Pile

What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way?

Herold Don

Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

Heywood John

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Heywood John

I think the world is run by C students.

Heywood John

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.

Heywood John

The forest is safe because a lion lives therein and the lion is safe because it lives in a forest. Likewise the friendship of persons rests on mutual help.

Heywood John

We must remember that in time of war what is said on the enemy's side of the front is always propaganda and what is said on our side of the front is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace.

Heywood John

America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

Heywood John

Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.

Heywood John

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

Heywood John

"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it's just the opposite."

Heywood John

American cars are made shoddily... Cars made overseas are far superior.

Heywood John

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Heywood John

All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

Heywood John

A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you.

Heywood John

"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement."

Heywood John

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Heywood John

There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.

Hicks D.J.

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

Hickson W.E.

There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing.

Hightower Jim

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Hildebrand Joel

Language is a virus from another planet.

Hinckley John

His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum- stances being what they

Hindu Code

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Hinojosa Daniel

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."


I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Hitler Adolf

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

Hitler Adolf

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Hitler Adolf

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Hitler Adolf

Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

Hitler Adolf

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

Hitler Adolf

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Hitler Adolph

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.

Hitler Adolph

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Hitler Adolph

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Hobbs Calvin and

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

Hodder-Williams Christopher

I think we're in trouble.

Hoest Bill

It is enough to make one sympathize with a tyrant for the determination of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends...

Hoffer Eric

I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.

Hoffer Eric

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Hoffman A.

Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.

Hoffman Abbie

I am looking for a honest man.

Holla Xaviera

A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DESIRE IT, I GRANT YOU MADRAK'S BLESSING: Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires for

Holmes Sherlock

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Holmes Sherlock

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Holyoke Edward

Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

Holzer Jenny

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.


Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.


A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.

Honda. Harpoon a

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Hook Sidney

The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

Hoover Herbert

Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling to risk offending God's g

Hoover Herbert

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Hoover J. Edgar

I dote on his very absence.

Hoover J. Edgar

Use an accordion. Go to jail.

Hoover J. Edgar

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Hoover J. Edgar

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Hope A.

You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.

Hope Bob

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Hope Bob

If you cannot in the long run tell everyone what you have been doing, your doing was worthless.

Hoppe Art

To be great is to be misunderstood.

Hopper Grace Murray

The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.

Hopper Grace Murray

The major sin is the sin of being born.


I hate quotations.


So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist.


Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.

Horner M.

I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.

Horning Jim

I'll turn over a new leaf.

Houghton Blair

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.

Houseman A.E.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Howe E.W.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Howe Edgar W.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Howe Irving

Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.

Howe Nathaniel

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.

Hubbard Elbert

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

Hubbard Elbert

There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

Hubbard Elbert

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Hubbard Elbert

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Hubbard Elbert

Man is the measure of all things.

Hubbard Elbert

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Hubbard F.M.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Hubbard Frank

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Hubbard Frank

No two persons ever read the same book.

Hubbard Kim

Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'. We their sons are more worthless than they: so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.

Hubbard Kim

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

Hubbard Kim

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Hubbard Kin

You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

Hubbard Kin

Vote early and vote often.

Hubbard L. Ron

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Hubbard L. Ron

Forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names.

Hudson Henry

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Hugo Victor

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Hugo Victor

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Hugo Victor

Three things have been difficult to tame: The oceans, fools, and women. We may soon be able to tame the ocean. Fools and women will take a little longer.

Hugo Victor

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Humphrey Hubert

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Hunter S. Thompson

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Huntingd Collis P.

I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.

Hurley Jack

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Huron Port

Faith is under the left nipple.

Hutchins Robert M.

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

Huxley Aldous

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Huxley Aldous

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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Everybody has something to conceal.
Bogart Humphrey

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
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