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I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

H.G. Wells

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Ha Nate

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Hagen Walter

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Hague Frank

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Hahn Tim

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Haig Alexander

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.

Haldeman H.R.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Half-Constru Racter

Honesty's the best policy.

Hallock Addison H.

Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Halsey Admiral William

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Hamilton Alexander

Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.

Hamilton Alexander

Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

Hamilton Edith

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...

Hamlet Dick

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Hammarskjold Dag

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Hampton Christopher

Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.

Handley Jack

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.


Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Hardin Salvor

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Harding Warren G.

There is a road to freedom. Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and love of the Fatherland.

Harper Lucille S.

Success is in the minds of Fools.

Harper Roy

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Harris Sidney

an idiot politically. But the designations may be good business for war veterans. Having bled for their country in 1861 and 1918, they have bled it all they could consequently. And why not?"

Harris Sydney

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Harris Sydney J.

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

Harris Sydney J.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Harris Sydney J.

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Harris Sydney J.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.


You get what you pay for.

Harrold Mark

"California is proud to be the home of the freeway."

Harry Dirty

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Harry Dirty

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Hart Johnny

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and


There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Haskins Ernest

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Hawes J.

When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.


When in doubt, do it. It's much easier to apologize than to get permission.

Hawley Cameron

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Hayakawa S.I.

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.

Hazlitt William

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Heidi Hartmann

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.


The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

Heinlein R.A.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Heinlein Robert

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

Heinlein Robert

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

Heller Joseph

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Heller Robert

To do two things at once is to do neither.

Heller Joseph

The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper thoughts about their neighbours.

Heller Joseph

The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.

Heller Joseph

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

Heller Joseph

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Hellman Lillian

Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Hemingway Ernest

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Hemingway Ernest

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.

Henrik Ibsen

Men use thought only to justify their wrong doings, and speech only to conceal their thoughts.

Henry Durant

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Henry James

The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...

Henry Robert

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to set a bad example.


People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Herbert A.P.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Herbert Frank

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Herbert Frank

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Herbert Hoover

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.


Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercio


There is a certain frame of mind to which a cemetery is, if not an antidote, at least an alleviation. If you are in a fit of the blues, go nowhere else.


Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.


The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.


Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Heroi Stephen Pile

Go slowly to the entertainments of thy friends, but quickly to their misfortunes.

Heroi Stephen Pile

"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people"

Heroi Stephen Pile


Heroi Stephen Pile

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

Heroi Stephen Pile

It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Herold Don

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Heywood John

Anything anybody can say about America is true.

Heywood John

The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.

Heywood John

We are upping our standards ... so up yours.

Heywood John

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Heywood John

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Heywood John

The perfect friend sees the best in you

Heywood John

... whether it is better to spend a life not knowing what you want or to spend a life knowing exactly what you want and that you will never have it.

Heywood John

The superfluous is very necessary.

Heywood John

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Heywood John

Nobody shot me.

Heywood John

A man is known by the company he organizes.

Heywood John

It took a while to surface, but it appears that a long-distance credit card may have saved a U.S. Army unit from heavy casualties during the Grenada military rescue/invasion. Major General David Nichols, Air Force ... said the Army unit was in a hous

Heywood John

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Heywood John

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Heywood John

Forgive and forget.

Heywood John

You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard. A justice of the peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill. In the municipal courts, he will cost you ten. In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen. The state appellate

Hicks D.J.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Hickson W.E.

I do desire we may be better strangers.

Hightower Jim

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

Hildebrand Joel

I have always noticed that whenever a radical takes to Imperialism, he catches it in a very acute form.

Hinckley John

Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.

Hindu Code

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Hinojosa Daniel

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.


I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Hitler Adolf

If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.

Hitler Adolf

The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

Hitler Adolf

We only acknowledge small faults in order to make it appear that we are free from great ones.

Hitler Adolf

Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

Hitler Adolf

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Hitler Adolf

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Hitler Adolph

The most recent attempt to revive the moribund campus left, a national conference held at Rutgers University February 5-7, ended when the participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national organization. The stated goal of the c

Hitler Adolph

Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.

Hitler Adolph

Let your conscience be your guide.

Hobbs Calvin and

The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.

Hodder-Williams Christopher

And what accomplished villains these old engineers were! What diabolical ways to sabotage they found! Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's Comissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the economic problems involved in

Hoest Bill

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Hoffer Eric

Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.

Hoffer Eric

"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."

Hoffman A.

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Hoffman Abbie

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Holla Xaviera

You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Holmes Oliver Wendell

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Holmes Sherlock

The major advances in civilization are processes that all but wreck the societies in which they occur.

Holmes Sherlock

We should be glad we're living in the time that we are. If any of us had been born into a more enlightened age, I'm sure we would have immediately been taken out and shot.

Holyoke Edward

They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

Holzer Jenny

It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.


One good turn asketh another.


It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Honda. Harpoon a

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Hook Sidney

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Hoover Herbert

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

Hoover Herbert

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Hoover J. Edgar

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Hoover J. Edgar

You'd best be snoozin', 'cause you don't be gettin' no work done at 5 a.m. anyway.

Hoover J. Edgar


Hoover J. Edgar

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Hope A.

I have never understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.

Hope Bob

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Hope Bob

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

Hoppe Art

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Hopper Grace Murray

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Hopper Grace Murray

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.


Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.


People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.


What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Horner M.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Horning Jim

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Houghton Blair

Diplomacy is to do and say, the nastiest thing in the nicest way.

Houseman A.E.

When in doubt, use brute force.

Howe E.W.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Howe Edgar W.

I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

Howe Irving

New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

Howe Nathaniel

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Hubbard Elbert

I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd listen to it!

Hubbard Elbert

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans usu

Hubbard Elbert

God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman... not enough to support a man and fiv

Hubbard Elbert

The problem with me is that I am fifty or one hundred years ahead of my time. My speed is very fast. Some ministers have had to drop out of my government because they could not keep up.

Hubbard Elbert

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

Hubbard Elbert

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

Hubbard F.M.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Hubbard Frank

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should therefore be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated. If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to declare war and they are screened at onc

Hubbard Frank

In good speaking, should not the mind of the speaker know the truth of the matter about which he is to speak?

Hubbard Kim

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.

Hubbard Kim

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Hubbard Kim

I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

Hubbard Kin

Save the Whales

Hubbard Kin

The first requisite for immortality is death.

Hubbard L. Ron

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Hubbard L. Ron

No good deed goes unpunished.

Hudson Henry

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Hugo Victor

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.

Hugo Victor

I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.

Hugo Victor

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

Hugo Victor

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Humphrey Hubert

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

Hunter S. Thompson

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

Huntingd Collis P.

Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

Hurley Jack

Sometimes when you look into his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

Huron Port

Many mental processes admit of being roughly measured. For instance, the degree to which people are bored, by counting the number of their fidgets. I not infrequently tried this method at the meetings of the Royal Geographical Society, for even ther

Hutchins Robert M.

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.

Huxley Aldous

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Huxley Aldous

In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be mud." And there was mud. And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what we have done." And God created every living creature that now moveth, and

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."
Ajaye Franklyn

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