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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

H.G. Wells

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Ha Nate

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

Hagen Walter

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Hague Frank

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Hahn Tim

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

Haig Alexander

To lead people, you must follow behind.

Haldeman H.R.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Half-Constru Racter

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Hallock Addison H.

What fools these mortals be.

Halsey Admiral William

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Hamilton Alexander

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Hamilton Alexander

Another day, another dollar.

Hamilton Edith

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

Hamlet Dick

If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Hammarskjold Dag

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Hampton Christopher

There is always something new out of Africa.

Handley Jack

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.


There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Hardin Salvor

There is no proverb that is not true.

Harding Warren G.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Harper Lucille S.

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Harper Roy

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Harris Sidney

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Harris Sydney

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

Harris Sydney J.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Harris Sydney J.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Harris Sydney J.

Harris Sydney J.

Words have a longer life than deeds.


I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Harrold Mark

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Harry Dirty

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Harry Dirty

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Hart Johnny

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.


Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Haskins Ernest

None love the bearer of bad news.

Hawes J.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv


Odets, where is thy sting?

Hawley Cameron

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Hayakawa S.I.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Hazlitt William

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Heidi Hartmann

The fact that it works is immaterial.


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Heinlein R.A.

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Heinlein Robert

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Heinlein Robert

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Heller Joseph

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Heller Robert

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Heller Joseph

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Heller Joseph

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Heller Joseph

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Heller Joseph

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Hellman Lillian

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Hemingway Ernest

Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

Hemingway Ernest

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Henrik Ibsen

Flame on!

Henry Durant

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Henry James

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Henry Robert

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.


Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Herbert A.P.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Herbert Frank

To teach is to learn twice.

Herbert Frank

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Herbert Hoover

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.


Faith is under the left nipple.


Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.


There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Heroi Stephen Pile

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Heroi Stephen Pile

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

Heroi Stephen Pile

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Heroi Stephen Pile

We're all in this alone.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Herold Don

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

Heywood John

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Heywood John

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Heywood John

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Heywood John

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Heywood John

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Heywood John

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Heywood John

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Heywood John

I hate quotations.

Heywood John

To have died once is enough.

Heywood John

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Heywood John

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Heywood John

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Heywood John

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Heywood John

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Heywood John

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Heywood John

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Hicks D.J.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Hickson W.E.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Hightower Jim

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Hildebrand Joel

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Hinckley John

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Hindu Code

History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

Hinojosa Daniel

Look before you leap.


"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Hitler Adolf

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Hitler Adolf

I'll never get off this planet.

Hitler Adolf

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Hitler Adolf

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Hitler Adolf

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Hitler Adolf

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Hitler Adolph

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Hitler Adolph

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Hitler Adolph

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Hobbs Calvin and

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Hodder-Williams Christopher

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Hoest Bill

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Hoffer Eric

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Hoffer Eric

Your wig steers the gig.

Hoffman A.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Hoffman Abbie

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Holla Xaviera

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Holmes Sherlock

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Holmes Sherlock

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Holyoke Edward

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Holzer Jenny

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Honda. Harpoon a

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Hook Sidney

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Hoover Herbert

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Hoover Herbert

If you catch a man, throw him back.

Hoover J. Edgar

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Hoover J. Edgar

The streets were dark with something more than night.

Hoover J. Edgar

Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.

Hoover J. Edgar

Well begun is half done.

Hope A.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

Hope Bob

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Hope Bob

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Hoppe Art

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Hopper Grace Murray

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

Hopper Grace Murray

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.


It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.


There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.


He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Horner M.

Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

Horning Jim

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Houghton Blair

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Houseman A.E.

With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Howe E.W.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Howe Edgar W.

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

Howe Irving

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Howe Nathaniel

Confucius say too much.

Hubbard Elbert

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Hubbard Elbert

There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.

Hubbard Elbert

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

Hubbard Elbert

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Hubbard Elbert

All phone calls are obscene.

Hubbard Elbert

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Hubbard F.M.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Hubbard Frank

A word to the wise is enough.

Hubbard Frank

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Hubbard Kim

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Hubbard Kim

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Hubbard Kim

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Hubbard Kin

Small is beautiful.

Hubbard Kin

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Hubbard L. Ron

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Hubbard L. Ron

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Hudson Henry

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Hugo Victor

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Hugo Victor

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Hugo Victor

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Hugo Victor

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Humphrey Hubert

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Hunter S. Thompson

I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Huntingd Collis P.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Hurley Jack

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Huron Port

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Hutchins Robert M.

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Huxley Aldous

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Huxley Aldous

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.
Keynes John Maynard

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