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I am a deeply superficial person.

H.G. Wells

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Ha Nate

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Hagen Walter

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Hague Frank

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Hahn Tim

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Haig Alexander

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

Haldeman H.R.

Another day, another dollar.

Half-Constru Racter

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Hallock Addison H.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Halsey Admiral William

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Hamilton Alexander

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Hamilton Alexander

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Hamilton Edith

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Hamlet Dick

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Hammarskjold Dag

Anything anybody can say about America is true.

Hampton Christopher

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Handley Jack

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Hardin Salvor

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

Harding Warren G.

"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal

Harper Lucille S.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Harper Roy

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Harris Sidney

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Harris Sydney

New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

Harris Sydney J.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Harris Sydney J.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Harris Sydney J.

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

Harris Sydney J.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.


If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Harrold Mark

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Harry Dirty

Language is a virus from another planet.

Harry Dirty

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Hart Johnny

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.


One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Haskins Ernest

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Hawes J.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.


You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

Hawley Cameron

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Hayakawa S.I.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Hazlitt William

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

Heidi Hartmann

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi


I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Heinlein R.A.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Heinlein Robert

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Heinlein Robert

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Heller Joseph

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Heller Robert

What you don't know won't help you much either.

Heller Joseph

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Heller Joseph

To add insult to injury.

Heller Joseph

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Heller Joseph

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Hellman Lillian

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Hemingway Ernest

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Hemingway Ernest

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Henrik Ibsen

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

Henry Durant

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Henry James

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Henry Robert

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

Confucius say too much.


Who's scruffy-looking?

Herbert A.P.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Herbert Frank

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Herbert Frank

Small is beautiful.

Herbert Hoover

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.


Never look a gift horse in the mouth.


What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?


Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.


You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.


Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Heroi Stephen Pile

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Heroi Stephen Pile

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Heroi Stephen Pile

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Heroi Stephen Pile

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Heroi Stephen Pile

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Heroi Stephen Pile

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Herold Don

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Heywood John

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Heywood John

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Heywood John

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Heywood John

A witty saying proves nothing.

Heywood John

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Heywood John

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Heywood John

Many hands make light work.

Heywood John

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Heywood John

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Heywood John

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Heywood John

Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference: "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious, isn't

Heywood John

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Heywood John

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Heywood John

Love the sea? I dote upon it

Heywood John

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Heywood John

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Hicks D.J.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Hickson W.E.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Hightower Jim

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Hildebrand Joel

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Hinckley John

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Hindu Code

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Hinojosa Daniel

There's no such thing as a free lunch.


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Hitler Adolf

Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Hitler Adolf

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Hitler Adolf

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Hitler Adolf

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Hitler Adolf

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Hitler Adolf

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their

Hitler Adolph

What!? Me worry?

Hitler Adolph

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Hitler Adolph

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Hobbs Calvin and

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Hodder-Williams Christopher

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Hoest Bill

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Hoffer Eric

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Hoffer Eric

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Hoffman A.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Hoffman Abbie

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Holla Xaviera

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

Holmes Sherlock

The fact that it works is immaterial.

Holmes Sherlock

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.

Holyoke Edward

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Holzer Jenny

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?


Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?


It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Honda. Harpoon a

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Hook Sidney

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Hoover Herbert

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Hoover Herbert

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Hoover J. Edgar

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Hoover J. Edgar

Haste makes waste.

Hoover J. Edgar

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Hoover J. Edgar

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Hope A.

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Hope Bob

What we do not understand we do not possess.

Hope Bob

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Hoppe Art

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Hopper Grace Murray

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Hopper Grace Murray

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.


To lead people, you must follow behind.


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.


When in doubt, tell the truth.

Horner M.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Horning Jim

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Houghton Blair

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Houseman A.E.

All art is but imitation of nature.

Howe E.W.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Howe Edgar W.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Howe Irving

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Howe Nathaniel

Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

Hubbard Elbert

A violent man will die a violent death.

Hubbard Elbert

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Hubbard Elbert

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Hubbard Elbert

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Hubbard Elbert

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Hubbard Elbert

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Hubbard F.M.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Hubbard Frank

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Hubbard Frank

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Hubbard Kim

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Hubbard Kim

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Hubbard Kim

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Hubbard Kin

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Hubbard Kin

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Hubbard L. Ron

The coast was clear.

Hubbard L. Ron

Turn the other cheek.

Hudson Henry

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Hugo Victor

The major sin is the sin of being born.

Hugo Victor

The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.

Hugo Victor

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Hugo Victor

Honesty's the best policy.

Humphrey Hubert

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Hunter S. Thompson

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Huntingd Collis P.

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

Hurley Jack

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Huron Port

He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

Hutchins Robert M.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Huxley Aldous

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Huxley Aldous

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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To say you got a vote of confidence would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.
Young Andrew

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