There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

What is good? Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? Everything that is born of weakness. Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue but fitness. The weak and the

For a light heart lives long.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Satire is tragedy plus time.

I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free.

It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.

Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD. I fought like hell for them. But another group came along and exposed the word of my group as shallow and degenerate. They had a better word. So I quit the first group and lost all the friends

an idiot politically. But the designations may be good business for war veterans. Having bled for their country in 1861 and 1918, they have bled it all they could consequently. And why not?"

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

May you live in uninteresting times.

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

All Gods were immortal.

Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to teach children.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions.

"Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt somebody else. He even told you he'd be hurt if..." "He was going to suck my blood!" "Which is what we do to anyone

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible.

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.

There are no answers, only cross-references.

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether it is plausible or not. The victor will not be asked afterwards whether he told the truth or not. When starting and waging war it is not right that matters, but victory.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Civilization and profits go hand in hand.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."

You tread upon my patience.

True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Man is the measure of all things.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

I don't understand what all the fuss was about in Los Angeles. It's not like we looted Brooks Brothers when Oliver North got off.

We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels of destructiveness upon old ones. We have done this helplessly, almost involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream, like lemmings heading

All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling.

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Sometimes I get the feeling that I went to a party on Perry Lane in 1962, and the party spilled out of the house, and came down the street, and covered the world.

Sin boldly.