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Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

Jack Handley

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

Jackson Glenda

There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

Jackson Andrew

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Jagger Mick

Leave no stone unturned.

James Clive

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

James William

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

James William

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

James Agate

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Jane Wagner

All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

Jarry Alfred

Majorities, of course, start with minorities.

Jean Giraudoux

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Jefferson Thomas

Practice is the best of all instructors.

Jefferson Thomas

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Jefferson Thomas

You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.

Jefferson Thomas

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Jefferson Thomas

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.

Jefferson Thomas

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Jefferson Thomas

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Jefferson Thomas

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Jefferson Thomas

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Jefferson Thomas

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Jerome Jerome K.

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Jerome Jerome Klapka

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Jerome Saint

"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

Jerrold Douglas

Somewhat alarmed at the continued growth of the number of employees on the Department of Agriculture payroll in 1962, Michigan Republican Robert Griffin proposed an amendment to the farm bill so that "the total number of employees in the Department

Jessel Sir George

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Jessica Salmonson

Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organisation of hatreds.


Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Jim Strange de

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

Jim Strange de

I will make you shorter by the head.

Jim Strange de

The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

Jim Starlin

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Jim Starlin

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Jim Steinman

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Jimmy Crazy

There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Joan Didion

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument.

Joan Didion

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Joel Chandler Harris

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

Joel M. Snyder

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.


Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Joh Lyndon B.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

John Ball

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

John Barrymore

[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

John Denver

I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, fo

John Dewey

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

John Donne

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

John Gardner

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

John Hunt British

The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties.

John Kennedy

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

John Kenneth Galbraith

The coast was clear.

John LeCarre

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

John Lightfoot

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

John The Dragon to Grendel in

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Johnson Dave

In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.

Johnson Dr.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Johnson Dr.

Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Johnson Lyndon Baines

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Johnson S.

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Johnson Samuel

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

Johnson Samuel

Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

Johnson Samuel

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Johnson Samuel

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Johnson Samuel

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Johnson Samuel

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Johnson Samuel

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Johnson Lyndon

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

Johnston M. M.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Joke The Killing

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Jones Carolyn

The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.

Jones Franklin P.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Jones Franklin P.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to

Jones Franklin P.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Jones Franklin P.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Jones Thomas

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c

Jones] Chuck

Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.

Joost van den Vondel

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Joplin Janis

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Jorge Luis Borges

When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

Joseph Gallo

I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.

Joubert Joseph

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Journal Albuquerque

Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

Journal The Wall Street

A word to the wise is enough.

Joyce James

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Joyce James

I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.

Juan Don

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Judith Martin

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Judy Garland

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

Juliana Queen

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

Julius Caesar

No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good intentions. He had money as well.

Jun Esquire

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

Jung Carl

"They make a desert and call it peace."

Jung C.G.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

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If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
Pope John Paul

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