"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

Don't guess

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

While there's life, there's hope.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Rome was not built in one day.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

To have died once is enough.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

The more the merrier.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

You can never do just one thing.

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Things are not always what they seem.

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

I owe the public nothing.

Why be a man when you can be a success?

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

When the sun shineth, make hay.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

There is no fool to the old fool.

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Business will be either better or worse.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.