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When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Jack Handley

Getting into trouble is easy.

Jackson Glenda

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Jackson Andrew

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Jagger Mick

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

James Clive

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

James William

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

James William

Don't guess

James Agate

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Jane Wagner

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Jarry Alfred

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Jean Giraudoux

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Jefferson Thomas

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Jefferson Thomas

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Jefferson Thomas

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Jefferson Thomas

We're all in this alone.

Jefferson Thomas

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Jefferson Thomas

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Jefferson Thomas

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Jefferson Thomas

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Jefferson Thomas

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Jefferson Thomas

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Jerome Jerome K.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Jerome Jerome Klapka

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Jerome Saint

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Jerrold Douglas

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Jessel Sir George

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Jessica Salmonson

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Jim Strange de

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Jim Strange de

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Jim Strange de

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Jim Starlin

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Jim Starlin

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Jim Steinman

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Jimmy Crazy

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Joan Didion

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Joan Didion

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Joel Chandler Harris

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Joel M. Snyder

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Joh Lyndon B.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

John Ball

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

John Barrymore

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

John Denver

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

John Dewey

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

John Donne

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

John Gardner

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

John Hunt British

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

John Kennedy

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

John Kenneth Galbraith

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

John LeCarre

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

John Lightfoot

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

John The Dragon to Grendel in

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Johnson Dave

A witty saying proves nothing.

Johnson Dr.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Johnson Dr.

Necessity hath no law.

Johnson Lyndon Baines

Too much of everything is just enough.

Johnson S.

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Johnson Samuel

A man is known by the company he organizes.

Johnson Samuel

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Johnson Samuel

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Johnson Samuel

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Johnson Samuel

Leave no stone unturned.

Johnson Samuel

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Johnson Samuel

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Johnson Lyndon

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Johnston M. M.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Joke The Killing

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Jones Carolyn

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Jones Franklin P.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Jones Franklin P.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Jones Franklin P.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Jones Franklin P.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Jones Thomas

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Jones] Chuck

In charity there is no excess.

Joost van den Vondel

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Joplin Janis

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Jorge Luis Borges

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Joseph Gallo

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Joubert Joseph

I love treason but hate a traitor.

Journal Albuquerque

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Journal The Wall Street

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Joyce James

Small is beautiful.

Joyce James

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Juan Don

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Judith Martin

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Judy Garland

To do two things at once is to do neither.

Juliana Queen

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

Julius Caesar

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Jun Esquire

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Jung Carl

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Jung C.G.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

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I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.
Heller Joseph

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