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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Jack Handley


You tread upon my patience.

Jackson Glenda


The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Jackson Justice Robert H.


None love the bearer of bad news.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Jackson Andrew


Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.

Jagger Mick


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

James Clive


A rolling stone gathers no moss.

James William


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

James William


Don't guess

James Agate


If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

Jane Wagner


Al Gore resembled a Vulcan desperately in need of a blow job.

Jarry Alfred


The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Jean Giraudoux


Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make

Jefferson Thomas


No two persons ever read the same book.

Jefferson Thomas


Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Jefferson Thomas


No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Jefferson Thomas


Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Jefferson Thomas


The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.

Jefferson Thomas


A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Jefferson Thomas


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Jefferson Thomas


"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Jefferson Thomas


The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us.

Jefferson Thomas


It is not the critic who counts, or how the strong man stumbled, or whether the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives vali

Jerome Jerome K.


Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

Jerome Saint


That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.

Jerrold Douglas


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Jessel Sir George


I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Jessica Salmonson


Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Jesus


He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

Jim Strange de


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Jim Strange de


It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Jim Strange de


"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Jim Starlin


Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.

Jim Starlin


And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Jim Steinman


Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Jimmy Crazy


Therefore it is necessary to learn how not to be good, and to use this knowledge and not use it, according to the necessity of the cause.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

Joan Didion


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Joan Didion


"I don't know whether God exists or not, but it makes no difference to me." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything."

Joel Chandler Harris


"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

Joel M. Snyder


The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

Joey


"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Joh Lyndon B.


Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

John Ball


"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

John Barrymore


Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

John Denver


If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

John Dewey


There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

John Donne


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

John Gardner


Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

John Hunt British


I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

John Kennedy


Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.

John Kenneth Galbraith


Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

John LeCarre


The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

John Lightfoot


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

John The Dragon to Grendel in


Corrupt, stupid grasping functionaries will make at least as big a muddle of socialism as stupid, selfish and acquisitive employers can make of capitalism.

Johnson Dave


The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Johnson Dr.


"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case. It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober."

Johnson Dr.


You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Johnson S.


Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

Johnson Samuel


Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Johnson Samuel


War is like love, it always finds a way.

Johnson Samuel


Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

Johnson Samuel


Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Johnson Samuel


"There is a God, but He drinks"

Johnson Samuel


"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)

Johnson Samuel


I would have made a good pope.

Johnson


Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Johnson Lyndon


Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this: that you are dreadfully like other people.

Johnston M. M.


Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.

Joke The Killing


I'll turn over a new leaf.

Jones Carolyn


The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

Jones Franklin P.


I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Jones Franklin P.


Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

Jones Franklin P.


It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Jones Franklin P.


Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Jones Thomas


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Jones] Chuck


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Joost van den Vondel


If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Joplin Janis


You guys have been practicing discrimination for years. Now it's our turn.

Jorge Luis Borges


The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Joseph Gallo


America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

Joubert Joseph


It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.

Journal Albuquerque


Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Journal The Wall Street


After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Joyce James


Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Joyce James


Walk softly and carry a big stick.

Juan Don


Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Judith Martin


By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Judy Garland


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Juliana Queen


Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Julius Caesar


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Jun Esquire


It is now 10 p.m. Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?

Jung Carl


No Marxist can deny that the interests of socialism are higher than the interests of the right of nations to self-determination.

Jung C.G.


If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that politics is almost always the choice of the lesser evil. "Tweedledum and Tweedledee," they say. "I will not vote." Having abstained, they are presented with a President who appoints t
Russel Baker

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