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There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Jack Handley


It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Jackson Glenda


A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Jackson Andrew


"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

Jagger Mick


A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

James Clive


Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

James William


Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

James William


There's no justice in this world.

James Agate


There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Jane Wagner


Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Jarry Alfred


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Jean Giraudoux


Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Jefferson Thomas


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Jefferson Thomas


Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Jefferson Thomas


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Jefferson Thomas


What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Jefferson Thomas


You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Jefferson Thomas


The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Jefferson Thomas


Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Jefferson Thomas


Turn the other cheek.

Jefferson Thomas


Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Jefferson Thomas


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Jerome Jerome K.


One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Jerome Jerome Klapka


Go away, I'm all right.

Jerome Saint


In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.

Jerrold Douglas


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Jessel Sir George


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Jessica Salmonson


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Jesus


He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Jim Strange de


When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Jim Strange de


IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Jim Strange de


I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Jim Starlin


God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Jim Starlin


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Jim Steinman


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Jimmy Crazy


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Joan Didion


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Joan Didion


If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Joel Chandler Harris


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Joel M. Snyder


If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Joey


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Joh Lyndon B.


The more the merrier.

John Ball


To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

John Barrymore


The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

John Denver


A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

John Dewey


It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

John Donne


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

John Gardner


The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

John Hunt British


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

John Kennedy


The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

John Kenneth Galbraith


In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

John LeCarre


I'll never get off this planet.

John Lightfoot


Getting into trouble is easy.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Johnson Dave


It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

Johnson Dr.


He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Johnson Dr.


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Johnson S.


Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Johnson Samuel


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Johnson Samuel


Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Johnson Samuel


We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Johnson Samuel


Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Johnson Samuel


The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Johnson Samuel


One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Johnson Samuel


It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Johnson


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Johnson Lyndon


Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Johnston M. M.


It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Joke The Killing


I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Jones Carolyn


The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Jones Franklin P.


The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Jones Franklin P.


The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Jones Franklin P.


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Jones Franklin P.


The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

Jones Thomas


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Jones] Chuck


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Joost van den Vondel


Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Joplin Janis


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Jorge Luis Borges


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Joseph Gallo


I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Joubert Joseph


The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Journal Albuquerque


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Journal The Wall Street


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Joyce James


A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Joyce James


My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas

Juan Don


The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

Judith Martin


Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Judy Garland


The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Juliana Queen


Think sideways!

Julius Caesar


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Jun Esquire


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Jung Carl


If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Jung C.G.


Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
Nietzsche

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