It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Events are not affected, they develop.

Housework can kill you if done right.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Go ahead... make my day.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

In the long run we are all dead.

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

There is no proverb that is not true.

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Beggars should be no choosers.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

A man's house is his castle.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Anything is possible on paper.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Would it help if I got out and pushed?

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.