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A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Jack Handley


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Jackson Glenda


Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Jackson Andrew


Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Jagger Mick


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

James Clive


One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

James William


We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

James William


Too much of everything is just enough.

James Agate


It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Jane Wagner


The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Jarry Alfred


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Jean Giraudoux


The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Jefferson Thomas


The first requisite for immortality is death.

Jefferson Thomas


I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.

Jefferson Thomas


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Jefferson Thomas


In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Jefferson Thomas


No good deed goes unpunished.

Jefferson Thomas


What we do not understand we do not possess.

Jefferson Thomas


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Jefferson Thomas


What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Jefferson Thomas


Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Jefferson Thomas


The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Jerome Jerome K.


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Jerome Saint


Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Jerrold Douglas


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Jessel Sir George


Two heads are better than one.

Jessica Salmonson


Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Jesus


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Jim Strange de


Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Jim Strange de


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Jim Strange de


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Jim Starlin


There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Jim Starlin


It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Jim Steinman


Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Jimmy Crazy


The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Joan Didion


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Joan Didion


The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Joel Chandler Harris


XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Joel M. Snyder


The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

Joey


There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Joh Lyndon B.


Housework can kill you if done right.

John Ball


Ninety percent of everything is crap.

John Barrymore


I knew her before she was a virgin.

John Denver


The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

John Dewey


It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

John Donne


There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

John Gardner


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

John Hunt British


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

John Kennedy


Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

John Kenneth Galbraith


Leave no stone unturned.

John LeCarre


Coincidences are spiritual puns.

John Lightfoot


Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Johnson Dave


Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Johnson Dr.


We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Johnson Dr.


I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Johnson S.


If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Johnson Samuel


Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

Johnson Samuel


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Johnson Samuel


It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Johnson Samuel


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Johnson Samuel


The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Johnson Samuel


You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Johnson Samuel


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Johnson


The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Johnson Lyndon


The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Johnston M. M.


It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Joke The Killing


What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Jones Carolyn


The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Jones Franklin P.


Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Jones Franklin P.


Go away, I'm all right.

Jones Franklin P.


Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Jones Franklin P.


As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Jones Thomas


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Jones] Chuck


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Joost van den Vondel


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Joplin Janis


The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Jorge Luis Borges


Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Joseph Gallo


You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Joubert Joseph


Never promise more than you can perform.

Journal Albuquerque


I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Journal The Wall Street


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Joyce James


"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Joyce James


All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Juan Don


Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

Judith Martin


He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Judy Garland


He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Juliana Queen


Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Julius Caesar


No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Jun Esquire


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Jung Carl


The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Jung C.G.


I am a deeply superficial person.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions.
Sade Marquis

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