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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Jack Handley


To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Jackson Glenda


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Jackson Andrew


VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Jagger Mick


No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

James Clive


I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

James William


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

James William


An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

James Agate


I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Jane Wagner


Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Jarry Alfred


Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Jean Giraudoux


We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Jefferson Thomas


A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Jefferson Thomas


What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Jefferson Thomas


From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Jefferson Thomas


"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

Jefferson Thomas


"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Jefferson Thomas


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Jefferson Thomas


University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Jefferson Thomas


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Jefferson Thomas


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Jefferson Thomas


Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Jerome Jerome K.


Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Jerome Saint


There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Jerrold Douglas


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Jessel Sir George


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Jessica Salmonson


Events are not affected, they develop.

Jesus


Housework can kill you if done right.

Jim Strange de


Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Jim Strange de


"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Jim Strange de


Nothing succeeds like excess.

Jim Starlin


Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Jim Starlin


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Jim Steinman


We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Jimmy Crazy


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Joan Didion


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Joan Didion


Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Joel Chandler Harris


He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Joel M. Snyder


A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Joey


Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Joh Lyndon B.


The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

John Ball


Go ahead... make my day.

John Barrymore


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

John Denver


In the long run we are all dead.

John Dewey


It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

John Donne


There is no proverb that is not true.

John Gardner


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

John Hunt British


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

John Kennedy


The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

John Kenneth Galbraith


Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

John LeCarre


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

John Lightfoot


Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Johnson Dave


Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Johnson Dr.


Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Johnson Dr.


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Johnson S.


Beggars should be no choosers.

Johnson Samuel


I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Johnson Samuel


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Johnson Samuel


Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Johnson Samuel


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Johnson Samuel


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Johnson Samuel


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Johnson Samuel


I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Johnson


A man's house is his castle.

Johnson Lyndon


If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Johnston M. M.


You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Joke The Killing


Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Jones Carolyn


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Jones Franklin P.


Anything is possible on paper.

Jones Franklin P.


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Jones Franklin P.


Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Jones Franklin P.


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Jones Thomas


Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Jones] Chuck


Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Joost van den Vondel


"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Joplin Janis


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Jorge Luis Borges


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Joseph Gallo


Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Joubert Joseph


He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Journal Albuquerque


I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Journal The Wall Street


A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Joyce James


Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Joyce James


It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Juan Don


Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Judith Martin


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Judy Garland


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Juliana Queen


Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Julius Caesar


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Jun Esquire


Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Jung Carl


Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Jung C.G.


Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.
Andre Maurois

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