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Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Jack Handley

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Jackson Glenda

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Jackson Justice Robert H.

Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

Jackson Justice Robert H.

My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas

Jackson Andrew

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Jagger Mick

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

James Clive

In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

James William

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

James William

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

James Agate

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Jane Wagner

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Jarry Alfred

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Jean Giraudoux

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Jefferson Thomas

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Jefferson Thomas

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

Jefferson Thomas

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Jefferson Thomas

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Jefferson Thomas

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Jefferson Thomas

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Jefferson Thomas

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Jefferson Thomas

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Jefferson Thomas

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Jefferson Thomas

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Jerome Jerome K.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Jerome Jerome Klapka

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Jerome Saint

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Jerrold Douglas

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Jessel Sir George

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Jessica Salmonson

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.


Home is where the hurt is.

Jim Strange de

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Jim Strange de

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Jim Strange de

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Jim Starlin

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Jim Starlin

If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Jim Steinman

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Jimmy Crazy

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Joan Didion

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Joan Didion

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

Joel Chandler Harris

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Joel M. Snyder

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.


Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Joh Lyndon B.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

John Ball

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

John Barrymore

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

John Denver

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

John Dewey

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

John Donne

The world wants to be deceived.

John Gardner

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

John Hunt British

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

John Kennedy

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

John Kenneth Galbraith

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

John LeCarre

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

John Lightfoot

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

John The Dragon to Grendel in

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Johnson Dave

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Johnson Dr.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Johnson Dr.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Johnson Lyndon Baines

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Johnson S.

There must be more to life than having everything.

Johnson Samuel

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Johnson Samuel

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Johnson Samuel

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Johnson Samuel

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Johnson Samuel

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Johnson Samuel

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Johnson Samuel

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.



Johnson Lyndon

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Johnston M. M.

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Joke The Killing

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Jones Carolyn

Art is a jealous mistress.

Jones Franklin P.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Jones Franklin P.

Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Jones Franklin P.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

Jones Franklin P.

Everyone is in the best seat.

Jones Thomas

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Jones] Chuck

Events are not affected, they develop.

Joost van den Vondel

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Joplin Janis

Well begun is half done.

Jorge Luis Borges

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Joseph Gallo

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

Joubert Joseph

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Journal Albuquerque

Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

Journal The Wall Street

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Joyce James

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Joyce James

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Juan Don

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Judith Martin

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Judy Garland

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Juliana Queen

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Julius Caesar

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Jun Esquire

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

Jung Carl

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Jung C.G.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

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One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.

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