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"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

Jack Handley


We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Jackson Glenda


Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organisation of hatreds.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Jackson Andrew


October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Jagger Mick


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

James Clive


Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

James William


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

James William


Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.

James Agate


This was the most unkindest cut of all.

Jane Wagner


We should be glad we're living in the time that we are. If any of us had been born into a more enlightened age, I'm sure we would have immediately been taken out and shot.

Jarry Alfred


O, it is excellent To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous To use it like a giant.

Jean Giraudoux


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Jefferson Thomas


[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

Jefferson Thomas


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Jefferson Thomas


If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing but illegal purposes.

Jefferson Thomas


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Jefferson Thomas


My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Jefferson Thomas


There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Jefferson Thomas


Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Jefferson Thomas


I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any Church that I know of. My own mind is my own Church.

Jefferson Thomas


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Jefferson Thomas


I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Jerome Jerome K.


A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


Grub first, then ethics.

Jerome Saint


The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"

Jerrold Douglas


War is like love, it always finds a way.

Jessel Sir George


I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Jessica Salmonson


A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Jesus


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Jim Strange de


Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

Jim Strange de


A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Jim Strange de


Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Jim Starlin


The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Jim Starlin


If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.

Jim Steinman


There must be more to life than having everything.

Jimmy Crazy


The hater of property and of government takes care to have his warranty deed recorded, and the book written against fame and learning has the author's name on the title page.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


"Plaese porrf raed."

Joan Didion


Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.

Joan Didion


Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Joel Chandler Harris


Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

Joel M. Snyder


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

Joey


Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Joh Lyndon B.


Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

John Ball


If you lose a son you can always get another, but there's only one Maltese Falcon.

John Barrymore


"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them."

John Denver


Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

John Dewey


The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

John Donne


Fear is the greatest salesman.

John Gardner


You roll my log, and I will roll yours.

John Hunt British


The major sin is the sin of being born.

John Kennedy


In Pierre Trudeau, Canada has finally produced a Prime Minister worthy of assassination.

John Kenneth Galbraith


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

John LeCarre


We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.

John Lightfoot


The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice.

Johnson Dave


Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Johnson Dr.


"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Johnson Dr.


Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

Johnson S.


The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Johnson Samuel


She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

Johnson Samuel


My dear People. My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks, and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good Sackville Bagginses that I w

Johnson Samuel


One big pile is better than two little piles.

Johnson Samuel


The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Johnson Samuel


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Johnson Samuel


Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

Johnson Samuel


Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Johnson


Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Johnson Lyndon


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Johnston M. M.


In my end is my beginning.

Joke The Killing


Out of sight is out of mind.

Jones Carolyn


Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Jones Franklin P.


I needed the good will of the legislature of four states. I formed the legislative bodies with my own money. I found that it was cheaper that way.

Jones Franklin P.


That government is best which governs least.

Jones Franklin P.


Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Jones Franklin P.


... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Jones Thomas


The superfluous is very necessary.

Jones] Chuck


If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Joost van den Vondel


He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Joplin Janis


Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Jorge Luis Borges


Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Joseph Gallo


Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Joubert Joseph


"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

Journal Albuquerque


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Journal The Wall Street


Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Joyce James


When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Joyce James


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Juan Don


"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

Judith Martin


Harp not on that string.

Judy Garland


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Juliana Queen


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Julius Caesar


When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Jun Esquire


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Jung Carl


Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.

Jung C.G.


A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
Manners Miss

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