There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

There's no justice in this world.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Turn the other cheek.

Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Go away, I'm all right.

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

The more the merrier.

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

I'll never get off this planet.

Getting into trouble is easy.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

The fact that it works is immaterial.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Think sideways!

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.