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If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

Jack Handley


A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Jackson Glenda


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.

Jackson Andrew


IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Jagger Mick


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

James Clive


There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

James William


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

James William


Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

James Agate


I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.

Jane Wagner


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Jarry Alfred


There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Jean Giraudoux


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Jefferson Thomas


Things are not always what they seem.

Jefferson Thomas


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Jefferson Thomas


In the long run we are all dead.

Jefferson Thomas


We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

Jefferson Thomas


I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

Jefferson Thomas


The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Jefferson Thomas


If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

Jefferson Thomas


A man's house is his castle.

Jefferson Thomas


Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.

Jefferson Thomas


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Jerome Jerome K.


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Jerome Jerome Klapka


"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Jerome Saint


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Jerrold Douglas


Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty, and the children are above-average.

Jessel Sir George


The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven; The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change. These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.

Jessica Salmonson


You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Jesus


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Jim Strange de


Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Jim Strange de


Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

Jim Strange de


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Jim Starlin


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Jim Starlin


I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Jim Steinman


I stick my neck out for nobody.

Jimmy Crazy


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

Joan Didion


Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Joan Didion


Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Joel Chandler Harris


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Joel M. Snyder


Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell.

Joey


With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Joh Lyndon B.


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

John Ball


Art is a jealous mistress.

John Barrymore


Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

John Denver


A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

John Dewey


Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

John Donne


He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.

John Gardner


Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

John Hunt British


Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

John Kennedy


"Plaese porrf raed."

John Kenneth Galbraith


The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

John LeCarre


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

John Lightfoot


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


Let your conscience be your guide.

Johnson Dave


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Johnson Dr.


Big book, big bore.

Johnson Dr.


In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God." "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid Go

Johnson S.


Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Johnson Samuel


The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Johnson Samuel


Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Johnson Samuel


You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Johnson Samuel


It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Johnson Samuel


What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Johnson Samuel


Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Johnson Samuel


By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Johnson


Nothing succeeds like success.

Johnson Lyndon


If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not far to seek. ... The

Johnston M. M.


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Joke The Killing


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Jones Carolyn


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Jones Franklin P.


When the sun shineth, make hay.

Jones Franklin P.


The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Jones Franklin P.


It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Jones Franklin P.


'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Jones Thomas


It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Jones] Chuck


The first requisite for immortality is death.

Joost van den Vondel


One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

Joplin Janis


There is always something new out of Africa.

Jorge Luis Borges


Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Joseph Gallo


A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Joubert Joseph


What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

Journal Albuquerque


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Journal The Wall Street


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Joyce James


Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

Joyce James


One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Juan Don


The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Judith Martin


We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.

Judy Garland


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Juliana Queen


Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training. And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress I can. Why doesn't anyone

Julius Caesar


I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, fo

Jun Esquire


There are no answers, only cross-references.

Jung Carl


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Jung C.G.


When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.
Lumsden Marshall

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