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"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Jack Handley


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Jackson Glenda


Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Don't guess

Jackson Justice Robert H.


XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Jackson Justice Robert H.


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Jackson Andrew


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Jagger Mick


Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

James Clive


If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

James William


A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

James William


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

James Agate


The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Jane Wagner


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Jarry Alfred


Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Jean Giraudoux


While there's life, there's hope.

Jefferson Thomas


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Jefferson Thomas


The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

Jefferson Thomas


The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Jefferson Thomas


What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Jefferson Thomas


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Jefferson Thomas


The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Jefferson Thomas


It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Jefferson Thomas


Rome was not built in one day.

Jefferson Thomas


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Jefferson Thomas


God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Jerome Jerome K.


"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Jerome Jerome Klapka


If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Jerome Saint


It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Jerrold Douglas


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Jessel Sir George


A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Jessica Salmonson


To have died once is enough.

Jesus


Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Jim Strange de


An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Jim Strange de


The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Jim Strange de


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Jim Starlin


No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Jim Starlin


The more the merrier.

Jim Steinman


There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Jimmy Crazy


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


You can never do just one thing.

Joan Didion


You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Joan Didion


Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Joel Chandler Harris


Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Joel M. Snyder


Things are not always what they seem.

Joey


Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

Joh Lyndon B.


It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

John Ball


I owe the public nothing.

John Barrymore


Why be a man when you can be a success?

John Denver


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

John Dewey


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

John Donne


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

John Gardner


Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

John Hunt British


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

John Kennedy


Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

John Kenneth Galbraith


One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

John LeCarre


It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

John Lightfoot


Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Johnson Dave


Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Johnson Dr.


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Johnson Dr.


When the sun shineth, make hay.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Johnson S.


He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Johnson Samuel


Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Johnson Samuel


There is no fool to the old fool.

Johnson Samuel


There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

Johnson Samuel


Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Johnson Samuel


It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Johnson Samuel


Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Johnson Samuel


Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Johnson


Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Johnson Lyndon


At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Johnston M. M.


It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Joke The Killing


I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Jones Carolyn


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Jones Franklin P.


What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Jones Franklin P.


Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Jones Franklin P.


"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Jones Franklin P.


All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Jones Thomas


I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Jones] Chuck


In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Joost van den Vondel


Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Joplin Janis


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Jorge Luis Borges


Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

Joseph Gallo


Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Joubert Joseph


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Journal Albuquerque


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Journal The Wall Street


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Joyce James


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Joyce James


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Juan Don


Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Judith Martin


Business will be either better or worse.

Judy Garland


What you don't know won't help you much either.

Juliana Queen


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Julius Caesar


I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Jun Esquire


Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Jung Carl


Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Jung C.G.


No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.
Irving John

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
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