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When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Jack Handley


Getting into trouble is easy.

Jackson Glenda


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Jackson Andrew


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Jagger Mick


"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

James Clive


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

James William


If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

James William


Don't guess

James Agate


Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Jane Wagner


Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Jarry Alfred


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Jean Giraudoux


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Jefferson Thomas


If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Jefferson Thomas


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Jefferson Thomas


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Jefferson Thomas


We're all in this alone.

Jefferson Thomas


Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Jefferson Thomas


What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Jefferson Thomas


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Jefferson Thomas


A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Jefferson Thomas


God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Jefferson Thomas


The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Jerome Jerome K.


Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Jerome Saint


The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Jerrold Douglas


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Jessel Sir George


Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Jessica Salmonson


He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Jesus


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Jim Strange de


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Jim Strange de


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Jim Strange de


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Jim Starlin


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Jim Starlin


It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Jim Steinman


Fear is the greatest salesman.

Jimmy Crazy


There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Joan Didion


No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Joan Didion


There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Joel Chandler Harris


It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Joel M. Snyder


Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Joey


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Joh Lyndon B.


A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

John Ball


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

John Barrymore


No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

John Denver


Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

John Dewey


It is bad luck to be superstitious.

John Donne


The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

John Gardner


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

John Hunt British


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

John Kennedy


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

John Kenneth Galbraith


The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

John LeCarre


The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

John Lightfoot


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Johnson Dave


A witty saying proves nothing.

Johnson Dr.


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Johnson Dr.


Necessity hath no law.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


Too much of everything is just enough.

Johnson S.


Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Johnson Samuel


A man is known by the company he organizes.

Johnson Samuel


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Johnson Samuel


Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Johnson Samuel


Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Johnson Samuel


Leave no stone unturned.

Johnson Samuel


A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Johnson Samuel


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Johnson


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Johnson Lyndon


I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Johnston M. M.


Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Joke The Killing


Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Jones Carolyn


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Jones Franklin P.


A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Jones Franklin P.


All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Jones Franklin P.


Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Jones Franklin P.


When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Jones Thomas


A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Jones] Chuck


In charity there is no excess.

Joost van den Vondel


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Joplin Janis


Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Jorge Luis Borges


You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Joseph Gallo


Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Joubert Joseph


I love treason but hate a traitor.

Journal Albuquerque


You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Journal The Wall Street


If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Joyce James


Small is beautiful.

Joyce James


A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Juan Don


In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Judith Martin


The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Judy Garland


To do two things at once is to do neither.

Juliana Queen


To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

Julius Caesar


No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Jun Esquire


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Jung Carl


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Jung C.G.


I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.
Heller Joseph

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