The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Many hands make light work.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

What fools these mortals be.

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

Necessity hath no law.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

While there's life, there's hope.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

The fact that it works is immaterial.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

There must be more to life than having everything.

What!? Me worry?

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Honesty's the best policy.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Man is the measure of all things.

Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Save the Whales

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Leave no stone unturned.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

The coast was clear.

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

To teach is to learn twice.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

The optimum committee has no members.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Beggars should be no choosers.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.