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He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Jack Handley


There is no fool to the old fool.

Jackson Glenda


A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Don't get mad, get even.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Jackson Justice Robert H.


The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Jackson Andrew


You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Jagger Mick


"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them."

James Clive


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

James William


The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

James William


"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

James Agate


America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

Jane Wagner


Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Jarry Alfred


Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Jean Giraudoux


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Jefferson Thomas


If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Jefferson Thomas


Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to teach children.

Jefferson Thomas


The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Jefferson Thomas


Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

Jefferson Thomas


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Jefferson Thomas


To use violence is to already be defeated.

Jefferson Thomas


History shows that the human mind, fed by constant accessions of knowledge, periodically grows too large for its theoretical coverings, and bursts them asunder to appear in new habiliments, as the feeding and growing grub, at intervals, casts its too

Jefferson Thomas


Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.

Jefferson Thomas


The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Jefferson Thomas


The streets were dark with something more than night.

Jerome Jerome K.


A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Jerome Saint


The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Jerrold Douglas


Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Jessel Sir George


Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.

Jessica Salmonson


The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

Jesus


If you catch a man, throw him back.

Jim Strange de


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Jim Strange de


Jim Strange de


It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

Jim Starlin


The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Jim Starlin


It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.

Jim Steinman


Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Jimmy Crazy


He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Joan Didion


My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

Joan Didion


If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

Joel Chandler Harris


Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Joel M. Snyder


Too much is just enough.

Joey


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Joh Lyndon B.


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

John Ball


Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

John Barrymore


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

John Denver


... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of the past.

John Dewey


I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black people and it was hard for me to come back to the bullshit white people put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any power to make things differen

John Donne


Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.

John Gardner


The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

John Hunt British


I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

John Kennedy


If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

John Kenneth Galbraith


Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

John LeCarre


Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

John Lightfoot


My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

Johnson Dave


Come home America.

Johnson Dr.


According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their

Johnson Dr.


Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Johnson Lyndon Baines


I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Johnson S.


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Johnson Samuel


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Johnson Samuel


America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Johnson Samuel


What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

Johnson Samuel


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Johnson Samuel


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Johnson Samuel


Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.

Johnson Samuel


The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.

Johnson


The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Johnson Lyndon


That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Johnston M. M.


Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

Joke The Killing


Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Jones Carolyn


Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Jones Franklin P.


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Jones Franklin P.


I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

Jones Franklin P.


There never was a good war or a bad peace.

Jones Franklin P.


Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.

Jones Thomas


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Jones] Chuck


To generalize is to be an idiot.

Joost van den Vondel


God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman... not enough to support a man and fiv

Joplin Janis


The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Jorge Luis Borges


There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Joseph Gallo


You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

Joubert Joseph


There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Journal Albuquerque


The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Journal The Wall Street


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Joyce James


"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

Joyce James


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Juan Don


Persistence in one opinion has never been considered a merit in political leaders.

Judith Martin


Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Judy Garland


Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Juliana Queen


Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.

Julius Caesar


All bad precedents began as justifiable measures.

Jun Esquire


Alea iacta est. [The die is cast]

Jung Carl


Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Jung C.G.


Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


Sometimes, too long is too long.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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After the ground war began, captured Iraqi soldiers said any of them caught by superiors wearing a white T-shirt would be executed because of the ease with which the shirts could be used as surrender flags. Some Iraqi soldiers carried bleach with th
Ti Chuck Shepherd

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