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There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Jack Handley

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Jackson Glenda

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

What is good? Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? Everything that is born of weakness. Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue but fitness. The weak and the

Jackson Justice Robert H.

For a light heart lives long.

Jackson Andrew

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Jagger Mick

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

James Clive

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

James William

Satire is tragedy plus time.

James William

I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.

James Agate

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Jane Wagner

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Jarry Alfred

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Jean Giraudoux

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Jefferson Thomas

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Jefferson Thomas

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Jefferson Thomas

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Jefferson Thomas

I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.

Jefferson Thomas

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Jefferson Thomas

The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free.

Jefferson Thomas

It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Jefferson Thomas

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.

Jefferson Thomas

Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD. I fought like hell for them. But another group came along and exposed the word of my group as shallow and degenerate. They had a better word. So I quit the first group and lost all the friends

Jefferson Thomas

an idiot politically. But the designations may be good business for war veterans. Having bled for their country in 1861 and 1918, they have bled it all they could consequently. And why not?"

Jerome Jerome K.

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

Jerome Jerome Klapka

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Jerome Saint

Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.

Jerrold Douglas

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Jessel Sir George

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Jessica Salmonson

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.


May you live in uninteresting times.

Jim Strange de

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

Jim Strange de

All Gods were immortal.

Jim Strange de

Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors.

Jim Starlin

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Jim Starlin

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Jim Steinman

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Jimmy Crazy

Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to teach children.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Joan Didion

Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.

Joan Didion

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Joel Chandler Harris

The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions.

Joel M. Snyder

"Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt somebody else. He even told you he'd be hurt if..." "He was going to suck my blood!" "Which is what we do to anyone


Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.

Joh Lyndon B.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

John Ball

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

John Barrymore

If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible.

John Denver

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

John Dewey

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

John Donne

I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.

John Gardner

There are no answers, only cross-references.

John Hunt British

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

John Kennedy

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

John Kenneth Galbraith

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

John LeCarre

I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether it is plausible or not. The victor will not be asked afterwards whether he told the truth or not. When starting and waging war it is not right that matters, but victory.

John Lightfoot

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

John The Dragon to Grendel in

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Johnson Dave

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Johnson Dr.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Johnson Dr.

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Johnson Lyndon Baines

Civilization and profits go hand in hand.

Johnson S.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Johnson Samuel

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Johnson Samuel

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."

Johnson Samuel

You tread upon my patience.

Johnson Samuel

True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be.

Johnson Samuel

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Johnson Samuel

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Johnson Samuel

Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Johnson Lyndon

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Johnston M. M.

Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell.

Joke The Killing

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Jones Carolyn

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

Jones Franklin P.

All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.

Jones Franklin P.

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Jones Franklin P.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Jones Franklin P.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Jones Thomas

Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.

Jones] Chuck

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Joost van den Vondel

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Joplin Janis

Man is the measure of all things.

Jorge Luis Borges

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Joseph Gallo

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

Joubert Joseph

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

Journal Albuquerque

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Journal The Wall Street

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Joyce James

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Joyce James

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Juan Don

I don't understand what all the fuss was about in Los Angeles. It's not like we looted Brooks Brothers when Oliver North got off.

Judith Martin

We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels of destructiveness upon old ones. We have done this helplessly, almost involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream, like lemmings heading

Judy Garland

All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling.

Juliana Queen

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Julius Caesar

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Jun Esquire

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Jung Carl

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Jung C.G.

Sometimes I get the feeling that I went to a party on Perry Lane in 1962, and the party spilled out of the house, and came down the street, and covered the world.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

Sin boldly.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

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Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.
Shannon Wayne

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