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If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three
years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law
school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.
 Jack Handley
Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at
fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take
the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will
find she did  Jackson
Glenda
Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait.
[If youth but knew, if old age but could.]
 Jackson
Justice Robert H.
Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they
are another's.
 Jackson
Justice Robert H.
Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.
 Jackson
Justice Robert H.
It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.
 Jackson Andrew
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never
learned to walk.
 Jagger
Mick
Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.
 James
Clive
Virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.
 James
William
We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem.
There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your
borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.
 James
William
Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us
to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the
rain, we were punished.
 James Agate
Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally promoting
a falsehood, isn't it?
 Jane Wagner
To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.
 Jarry
Alfred
Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other
forms that have been tried from time to time.
 Jean Giraudoux
Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-
bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers
have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence
of God. The argument follows: Jefferson
Thomas
Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those
L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
 Jefferson
Thomas
Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
 Jefferson
Thomas
Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to
know the answers.
 Jefferson
Thomas
Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there,
and a lot of bull inbetween.
 Jefferson
Thomas
[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.
 Jefferson
Thomas
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
 Jefferson
Thomas
People need good lies. There are too many bad ones.
 Jefferson
Thomas
You are never given a wish without also being given the
power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.
 Jefferson
Thomas
The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.
 Jefferson
Thomas
Coincidences are spiritual puns.
 Jerome
Jerome K.
Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and
children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt,
tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards
uniformity. What has been the effect of coercio Jerome
Jerome Klapka
Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.
 Jerome
Saint
"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
 Jerrold
Douglas
Nothing endures but change.
 Jessel
Sir George
I would have made a good pope.
 Jessica Salmonson
If men are not afraid to die,
it is of no avail to threaten them with death.
If men live in constant fear of dying,
And if breaking the law means a man will be killed,
Who will dare to break the law?
There is always an official executioner.
If Jesus
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows
what they are.
 Jim
Strange de
Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.
 Jim
Strange de
God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little...
The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do
not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman...
not enough to support a man and fiv Jim
Strange de
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
 Jim Starlin
Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out
of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a
crowbar.
 Jim Starlin
... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
 Jim Steinman
Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere.
Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain.
From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.
 Jimmy
Crazy
The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for
experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute
for intelligence.
 Jitterbu Tom Robbins
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
 Joan Didion
Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive.
 Joan Didion
Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand
it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.
 Joel Chandler Harris
The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism,
call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great
opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.
 Joel M. Snyder
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
 Joey
When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.
 Joh Lyndon B.
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
beat up their  John Ball
Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have
drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.
 John Barrymore
I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or
whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
 John Denver
Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an
autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.
 John Dewey
I am firm. You are obstinate. He is a pig-headed fool.
 John Donne
Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires
tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
 John Gardner
Two heads are better than one.
 John Hunt British
You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.
 John Kennedy
A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.
 John Kenneth Galbraith
If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three
years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law
school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.
 John LeCarre
I don't understand what all the fuss was about in Los Angeles. It's not like
we looted Brooks Brothers when Oliver North got off.
 John Lightfoot
Odets, where is thy sting?
 John The Dragon to Grendel in
Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor
people.
 Johnson
Dave
WE'RE GOING TO THROW THE MX AWAY AFTER WE BUILD IT. The MX is really
[Don't tell anybody!] just a "bargaining chip" in the nuclear-arms-
reduction talks with the Russians. See, we have a problem with the
Russians. They look at our leaders and they Johnson
Dr.
The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.
 Johnson
Dr.
Rome was not built in one day.
 Johnson
Lyndon Baines
What one fool can do, another can.
 Johnson
S.
Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future
pleasure.
 Johnson
Samuel
The faster we go, the rounder we get.
 Johnson
Samuel
A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
to take it all away.
 Johnson
Samuel
Men are superior to women.
 Johnson
Samuel
San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
 Johnson
Samuel
I'm not the person your mother warned you about... her imagination isn't
that good.
 Johnson
Samuel
Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.
 Johnson
Samuel
Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.
 Johnson
In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to
his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's
kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment
was expressed by Thomas K. Co Johnson Lyndon
... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not
we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up
in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of
the past.
 Johnston
M. M.
If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection
of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching
in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not
far to seek. ... The  Joke
The Killing
Nonsense and beauty have close connections.
 Jones
Carolyn
Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.
 Jones
Franklin P.
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
 Jones
Franklin P.
Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of
fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.
 Jones
Franklin P.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
 Jones
Franklin P.
That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.
 Jones
Thomas
We must remember that in time of war what is said on the enemy's side of
the front is always propaganda and what is said on our side of the front
is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace.
 Jones]
Chuck
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't
they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning
anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five
years we would have the smartest r Joost van den Vondel
To do two things at once is to do neither.
 Joplin
Janis
Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are
men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean
without the roar of its many waters.
 Jorge Luis Borges
There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.
 Joseph Gallo
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
 Joubert
Joseph
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
 Journal
Albuquerque
Set the cart before the horse.
 Journal
The Wall Street
Rule the Empire through force.
 Joyce James
Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick
your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as
Mental Anguish. You would sue:
* The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions
 Joyce James
A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.
 Juan
Don
"... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."
 Judith Martin
Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.
 Judy Garland
No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple
act of justice.
 Juliana Queen
Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep".
Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the
harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference:
"Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling."
Obvious, isn't  Julius Caesar
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should therefore
be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be
propagated. If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to declare war
and they are screened at onc Jun Esquire
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must
have somebody to divide it with.
 Jung
Carl
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
 Jung C.G.
If I love you, what business is it of yours?
 Juvenalis
Decimus Junius
Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to
all your troubles.
 Juvenalis
Decimus Junius
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Random Quote
That's always the way when you discover something new; everyone thinks
you're crazy.
 Smith
Evelyn E.
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