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A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Jack Handley


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Jackson Glenda


All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Jackson Justice Robert H.


He hath eaten me out of house and home.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"

Jackson Justice Robert H.


When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

Jackson Andrew


One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Jagger Mick


It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.

James Clive


"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

James William


Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

James William


The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

James Agate


Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Jane Wagner


It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Jarry Alfred


If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Jean Giraudoux


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Jefferson Thomas


Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jefferson Thomas


A dead man cannot bite.

Jefferson Thomas


I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Jefferson Thomas


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Jefferson Thomas


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Jefferson Thomas


Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Jefferson Thomas


Practice is the best of all instructors.

Jefferson Thomas


We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

Jefferson Thomas


A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Jefferson Thomas


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Jerome Jerome K.


He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Jerome Saint


Think sideways!

Jerrold Douglas


When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Jessel Sir George


Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to

Jessica Salmonson


Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

Jesus


Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Jim Strange de


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Jim Strange de


There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

Jim Strange de


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Jim Starlin


The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Jim Starlin


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Jim Steinman


Art is a jealous mistress.

Jimmy Crazy


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Joan Didion


Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Joan Didion


Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Joel Chandler Harris


Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Joel M. Snyder


The nearer to the church, the further from God.

Joey


You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

Joh Lyndon B.


Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.

John Ball


Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

John Barrymore


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

John Denver


All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

John Dewey


The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

John Donne


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

John Gardner


It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

John Hunt British


When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

John Kennedy


What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

John Kenneth Galbraith


The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

John LeCarre


If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

John Lightfoot


Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind- bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument follows:

John The Dragon to Grendel in


He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Johnson Dave


Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Johnson Dr.


The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Johnson Dr.


The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Johnson S.


It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Johnson Samuel


Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

Johnson Samuel


She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.

Johnson Samuel


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Johnson Samuel


The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Johnson Samuel


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Johnson Samuel


"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Johnson Samuel


Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

Johnson


Leave no stone unturned.

Johnson Lyndon


Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Johnston M. M.


What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

Joke The Killing


There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

Jones Carolyn


Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government, to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.

Jones Franklin P.


Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Jones Franklin P.


Acting is not very hard. The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.

Jones Franklin P.


Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Jones Franklin P.


A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

Jones Thomas


New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

Jones] Chuck


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Joost van den Vondel


We ... make the modern error of dignifying the Individual. We do everything we can to butter him up. We give him a name, assure him that he has certain inalienable rights, educate him, let him pass on his name to his brats and when he dies we give

Joplin Janis


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Jorge Luis Borges


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Joseph Gallo


He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

Joubert Joseph


The optimum committee has no members.

Journal Albuquerque


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Journal The Wall Street


A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Joyce James


One good turn deserves another.

Joyce James


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Juan Don


Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Judith Martin


The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Judy Garland


"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Juliana Queen


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Julius Caesar


Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Jun Esquire


The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.

Jung Carl


Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Jung C.G.


There is always something new out of Africa.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their
Letterman David

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