Language is a virus from another planet.

All is well that ends well.

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

We are what we pretend to be.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Necessity hath no law.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Leave no stone unturned.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

There is no sin but ignorance.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

NEW YORK

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Piece of cake!

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

There's no justice in this world.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Events are not affected, they develop.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

You get what you pay for.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

God is Dead.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Praise the sea; on shore remain.

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Real wealth can only increase.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]