Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Practice is the best of all instructors.

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Your wig steers the gig.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

There is no fool to the old fool.

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

What I tell you three times is true.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

The coast was clear.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Practice yourself what you preach.

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

So little time, so little to do.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

God is Dead.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Necessity has no law.

Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

There is no sin but ignorance.

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

General notions are generally wrong.

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Most general statements are false, including this one.

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.