Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

To be or not to be.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell.

Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Monterey... is decidedly the pleasantest and most civilized-looking place in California ... [it] is also a great place for cock-fighting, gambling of all sorts, fandangos, and various kinds of amusements and knavery.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Never laugh at live dragons.

Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

The man who runs may fight again.

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling to risk offending God's g

A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Too much of everything is just enough.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

War is like love, it always finds a way.

Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

"It says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side."

The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

No evil can happen to a good man.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point."

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

We're only in it for the volume.

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Anything anybody can say about America is true.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

The human instinct to censor thrives, as it always will, living in irrepressible conflict with the human instinct to speak. Outrage, self-righteousness, and paranoia feed the maw of censorship. Squelching speech, however, never reduces society's net

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?