If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Many hands make light work.

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

Turn the other cheek.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Getting into trouble is easy.

I hate dying.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

I'll turn over a new leaf.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Mum's the word.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

There is no sin but ignorance.

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

In charity there is no excess.

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

So little time, so little to do.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Nothing endures but change.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

There is always something new out of Africa.

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t