There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear signifi

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

It is better to have loved and lost

It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Events are not affected, they develop.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Imagine what we can imagine!

The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

What is good? Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? Everything that is born of weakness. Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue but fitness. The weak and the

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Tempt not a desperate man.

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an overdose of flouride as a child

Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ances

I think we're in trouble.

Many hands make light work.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"

I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.

In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

He hath eaten me out of house and home.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Nothing succeeds like success.

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

"Life is too important to take seriously."

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.