The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

While there's life, there's hope.

Housework can kill you if done right.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

"You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but only for a limited period of time. Why should we think that collectively, as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?"

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

The difference between a misfortune and a calamity? If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, it would be a calamity.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.

I needed the good will of the legislature of four states. I formed the legislative bodies with my own money. I found that it was cheaper that way.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Don't vote

"Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed: * Governmental offices * Post offices * Libraries * Schools * Banks * Parts of Palm Beach and the mind of Se

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

That government is best which governs least.

Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

One good turn asketh another.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

A violent man will die a violent death.

So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Necessity hath no law.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Politicians speak for their parties, and parties never are, never have been, and never will be wrong.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Harp not on that string.

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life. I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a robber.

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

"One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not there should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los Angeles to San Diego. We passed several state beaches, some crowded and some virtually empty. They had the

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

I have often looked at women and committed adultery in my heart.

I hate quotations.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

There's no such thing as an original sin.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Too much of everything is just enough.

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Tip O'Neill is just like Congress; old, fat and out of control.

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Leave no stone unturned.

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Acting is not very hard. The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

I go the way that Providence dictates.

Diplomacy is to do and say, the nastiest thing in the nicest way.

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered].

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

The streets were dark with something more than night.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

No good deed goes unpunished.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

The nearer to the church, the further from God.

If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

Why be a man when you can be a success?

If atheism is to be used to express the state of mind in which God is identified with the unknowable, and theology is pronounced to be a collection of meaningless words about unintelligible chimeras, then I have no doubt, and I think few people doubt

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas

Free Speech Is The Right To Shout 'Theater' In A Crowded Fire.

"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to

I would like the government to do all it can to mitigate, then, in understanding, in mutuality of interest, in concern for the common good, our tasks will be solved.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.

If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes.

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre! [It is magnificent, but it is not war]

She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Nothing succeeds like excess.

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.