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Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

La Rouchefoucauld

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Lady Whiteadder

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Lafferty R. A.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Lai Chou En

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Lampoon The Harvard

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Landers Ann

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Lang Andrew

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Langan L.M.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Lao Tsu

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Lara Michael

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Lara Michael

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Lardner David

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Lardner Ring

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Lardner Ring

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

Larry Niven

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Larsen Dalglish

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Larson Erik

per year.

Lascl Christopher

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.


Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.


The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Lazarus Long

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

LeBoutillier J.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

LeGuin Ursula K.

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

Lear King

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Leary Tim

You can never do just one thing.

Lebowitz Fran

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Lebowitz Fran

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Lebowitz Fran

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Lebowitz Fran

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Leghorn Foghorn

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Leghorn Foghorn

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Leghorn Foghorn

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Lehman John

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Lehrer Tom

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Lehrer Tom

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Lehrer Tom

Piece of cake!

Lem Stanislaw

Better late than never.

Lem Stanislaw

Home is where the hurt is.

Len Cool

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Lenin Vladimir Il'ich

Think sideways!


Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Lennon John

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Lennon John

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Leo Rosten

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

LeoGrande William

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Leonard Ohio Lt. Governor Paul

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Leopardi Giacomo

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Lerner Max

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Leslie Stephen

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Leslie Stephen

Don't guess

Lester Julius

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Letterman David

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Letterman David

Things are not always what they seem.

Letterman David

Haste makes waste.

Letterman David

Letterman David

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Letterman David

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Letterman David

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Letterman David

Honesty's the best policy.

Levant Oscar

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Levant Oscar

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Levin Bernard

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Levine Joseph E.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Levinson Leonard

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Lew Sinclair

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Lewin Ralph

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Lewis C.S.

Practice yourself what you preach.

Lewis C.S.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Lewis Joe E.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Lewis Joe E.

Odets, where is thy sting?

Lewis Richard

In my end is my beginning.

Lewis Sinclair

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Lewis Thomas

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Li Woman's

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Li Mark Twain

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Lie Trygve

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Liebling A.J.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Liebling A.J.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Liepmann Hans

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Lieutenant Kermit Tyler

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Lilly John

Save the Whales

Lincoln A.

Confucius say too much.

Lincoln Abraham

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Lincoln Abraham

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Lincoln Abraham

The farther you go, the less you know.

Lincoln Abraham

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Lincoln Abraham

Mum's the word.

Lincoln Abraham

Genius is pain.

Lincoln Abraham

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Lincoln Abraham

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Lindbergh Charles

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Ling James J.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Lippmann Walter

When the sun shineth, make hay.

Lippmann Walter

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Little Mary Wilson

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Little Rich

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Lloyd Kaufman

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Lo graffito in

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Locke John

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Lockridge Ross

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Long Lazarus

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Long Lazarus

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Long Lazarus

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Long Lazarus

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Long Lazarus

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Long Lazarus

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Long Lazarus

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Long Lazarus

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Long Lazarus

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Long Lazarus

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Long Russell

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Longfellow H.W.

The superfluous is very necessary.

Longworth A. R.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Loo Lewis Carroll

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Louder P.G

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Louder P.G.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Louder P.G. Wodehouse

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Louisi Edwin Edwards

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Lowell James Russell

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Lowell Robert

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Lowell James Russell

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Lubbock John

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Luce C.B.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Luce Clare Booth

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Lucinda Childs

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Lula Pace Ripley

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Lumsden Marshall

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Lur Terry Pratchett

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Lustbader Eric Van

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Luten Daniel B.

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Luten Daniel B.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Luther Martin

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Luther Martin

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Luther Martin

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Lyly John

Your wig steers the gig.


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

lose. until you

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If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
Szasz Thomas

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