Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

The coast was clear.

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Home is where the hurt is.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

What an artist dies with me!

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Well begun is half done.

I love treason but hate a traitor.

Never promise more than you can perform.

Men are superior to women.

Charity begins at home.

What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

There is no fool to the old fool.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Practice yourself what you preach.

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

A man's house is his castle.

Go away, I'm all right.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Piece of cake!

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Go ahead... make my day.

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

The streets were dark with something more than night.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

I owe the public nothing.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

I think we're in trouble.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Many of the characters are fools and they are always playing tricks on me and treating me badly.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Housework can kill you if done right.

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

Beggars should be no choosers.

Nothing recedes like success.

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.