No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Small is beautiful.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

What fools these mortals be.

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

A word to the wise is enough.

Turn the other cheek.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

We are what we pretend to be.

When in doubt, use brute force.

The fact that it works is immaterial.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

So little time, so little to do.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

You get what you pay for.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Let sleeping dogs lie.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Honesty's the best policy.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Man is the measure of all things.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

I owe the public nothing.

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

A full belly makes a dull brain.

In charity there is no excess.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

There is no fool to the old fool.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Events are not affected, they develop.

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

God help those who do not help themselves.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Littering is dumb.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.