In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

What an artist dies with me!

There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

I knew her before she was a virgin.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

A yawn is a silent shout.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

The man who runs may fight again.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.

Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ances

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, fo

"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

The white race is the cancer of history.

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

I'll burn my books.

per year.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

There's small choice in rotten apples.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Nothing succeeds like success.

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

When in doubt, tell the truth.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the mid-fork of the Feather River

English literature's performing flea.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Every cloud engenders not a storm.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Littering is dumb.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

A snake lurks in the grass.

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.