Facts are the enemy of truth.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

... so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent, and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious and otherwise, to put shackles upon sl

The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

We're all in this alone.

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism, call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Don't be humble ... you're not that great.

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love. The poor know that it is money.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Going into politics is as fatal to a gentleman as going into a bordello is fatal to a virgin.

Best Mistakes In Films In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all possible. In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a st

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Faith is under the left nipple.

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.

"Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware."

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

The goys have proven the following theorem...

Home is where the hurt is.

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

I go the way that Providence dictates.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty, and the children are above-average.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Beggars should be no choosers.

If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing but illegal purposes.

Yawd [noun, Bostonese]: the campus of Have Id.

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling to risk offending God's g

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US invasion of Grenada. Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme a quart

Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS ag

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Majorities, of course, start with minorities.

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should therefore be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated. If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to declare war and they are screened at onc

I acted to show my love for Jodie Foster.

Flame on!

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency.

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

What fools these mortals be.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

O, it is excellent To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous To use it like a giant.

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Art is anything you can get away with.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

If I had any humility I would be perfect.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Imagine what we can imagine!

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

"Somewhere", said Father Vittorini, "did Blake not speak of the Machineries of Joy? That is, did not God promote environments, then intimidate these Natures by provoking the existence of flesh, toy men and women, such as are we all? And thus happi

Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc