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Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

La Rouchefoucauld

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Lady Whiteadder

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Lafferty R. A.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Lai Chou En

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Lampoon The Harvard

In the long run we are all dead.

Landers Ann

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Lang Andrew

Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time.

Langan L.M.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Lao Tsu

"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate from a recent statement he made compar

Lara Michael

It's not easy, being green.

Lara Michael

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Lardner David

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.

Lardner Ring

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Lardner Ring

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Larry Niven

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Larsen Dalglish

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.

Larson Erik

Every country has the government it deserves.

Lascl Christopher

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.


A violent man will die a violent death.


A Polish worker walks into a bank to deposit his paycheck. He has heard about Poland's economic problems, and he asks what would happen to his money if the bank collapsed. "All of our deposits are guaranteed by the finance ministry, sir," the telle

Lazarus Long

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

LeBoutillier J.

The angry man always thinks he can do more than he can.

LeGuin Ursula K.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

Lear King

The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

Leary Tim

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.

Lebowitz Fran

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Lebowitz Fran

I used to be a rebel in my youth. This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL! But I learned. Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own problems. So I lost interest in politics. Now when I feel aroused by

Lebowitz Fran

Corrupt, stupid grasping functionaries will make at least as big a muddle of socialism as stupid, selfish and acquisitive employers can make of capitalism.

Lebowitz Fran

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Leghorn Foghorn

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Leghorn Foghorn

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Leghorn Foghorn

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

Lehman John

Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent. When Lord Copper was right he said "Definitely, Lord Copper"; when he was wrong, "Up to a point." "Let me see, what's the name of the place I mean? Capital of Japan? Yokoh

Lehrer Tom

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Lehrer Tom

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Lehrer Tom

Practice yourself what you preach.

Lem Stanislaw

But you shall not escape my iambics.

Lem Stanislaw

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Len Cool

Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I'm the only person standing between Nixon and the White House.

Lenin Vladimir Il'ich

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.


Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Lennon John

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Lennon John

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Leo Rosten

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

LeoGrande William

"Nuclear war would really set back cable."

Leonard Ohio Lt. Governor Paul

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Leopardi Giacomo

We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.

Lerner Max

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Leslie Stephen

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Leslie Stephen

Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Lester Julius

An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.

Letterman David

God is Dead.

Letterman David

Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.

Letterman David

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Letterman David

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Letterman David

The clergy successfully preached the doctrines of patience and pusillanimity; the active virtues of society were discouraged; and the last remains of a military spirit were buried in the cloister: a large portion of public and private wealth was cons

Letterman David

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Letterman David

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Letterman David

I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.

Levant Oscar

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Levant Oscar

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Levin Bernard

I think the world is run by C students.

Levine Joseph E.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Levinson Leonard

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Lew Sinclair

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Lewin Ralph

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Lewis C.S.

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Lewis C.S.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Lewis Joe E.

Small is beautiful.

Lewis Joe E.

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Lewis Richard

If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in James Watt's office.

Lewis Sinclair

"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot. Mother and I will grieve, but we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."

Lewis Thomas

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Li Woman's

A snake lurks in the grass.

Li Mark Twain

Things are not always what they seem.

Lie Trygve

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Liebling A.J.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Liebling A.J.

Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.

Liepmann Hans

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

Lieutenant Kermit Tyler

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Lilly John

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Lincoln A.

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Lincoln Abraham

You can never do just one thing.

Lincoln Abraham

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Lincoln Abraham

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

Lincoln Abraham

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Lincoln Abraham

Where you stand depends on where you sit.

Lincoln Abraham

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Lincoln Abraham

There is no proverb that is not true.

Lincoln Abraham

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

Lindbergh Charles

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Ling James J.

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but to remind him that he is already degraded.

Lippmann Walter

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Lippmann Walter

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Little Mary Wilson

He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

Little Rich

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Lloyd Kaufman

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Lo graffito in

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Locke John

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Lockridge Ross

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Long Lazarus

He hath eaten me out of house and home.

Long Lazarus

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Long Lazarus

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Long Lazarus

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

Long Lazarus

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Long Lazarus

Best Mistakes In Films In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all possible. In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a st

Long Lazarus

I hate quotations.

Long Lazarus

How is the world ruled, and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists, and they believe what they read.

Long Lazarus

"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

Long Lazarus

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Long Russell

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Longfellow H.W.

Don't buy a landslide. I don't want to have to pay for one more vote than I have to.

Longworth A. R.

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

Loo Lewis Carroll


Louder P.G

A word to the wise is enough.

Louder P.G.

The human instinct to censor thrives, as it always will, living in irrepressible conflict with the human instinct to speak. Outrage, self-righteousness, and paranoia feed the maw of censorship. Squelching speech, however, never reduces society's net

Louder P.G. Wodehouse

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Louisi Edwin Edwards

"California is proud to be the home of the freeway."

Lowell James Russell

Two heads are better than one.

Lowell Robert

The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

Lowell James Russell

A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.

Lubbock John

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Luce C.B.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Luce Clare Booth

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Lucinda Childs

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Lula Pace Ripley

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Lumsden Marshall

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Lur Terry Pratchett

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Lustbader Eric Van

It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.

Luten Daniel B.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Luten Daniel B.

"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

Luther Martin

I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Luther Martin

The ripest fruit falls first.

Luther Martin

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Lyly John

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

lose. until you

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