Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

I will make you shorter by the head.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

All phone calls are obscene.

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

There's no justice in this world.

Another day, another dollar.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Flame on!

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

In the long run we are all dead.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

The major sin is the sin of being born.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

None love the bearer of bad news.

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Events are not affected, they develop.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Beggars should be no choosers.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

I hate quotations.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

May you live in uninteresting times.

General notions are generally wrong.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Turn the other cheek.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Your wig steers the gig.

I owe the public nothing.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

One good turn deserves another.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

We are what we pretend to be.

Man is the measure of all things.

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

If you catch a man, throw him back.

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

If you want divine justice, die.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

The best you get is an even break.

Nothing endures but change.

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Anything is possible on paper.

Forgive and forget.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.