Don't everyone thank me at once!

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

A violent man will die a violent death.

You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.

If God is One, what is bad?

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

We're only in it for the volume.

I love treason but hate a traitor.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Business will be either better or worse.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Let your conscience be your guide.

Another day, another dollar.

What I tell you three times is true.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Too much is just enough.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

What one fool can do, another can.

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

It's not easy, being green.

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Home is where the hurt is.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

Rome was not built in one day.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Nothing succeeds like excess.

There must be more to life than having everything.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

"God gives burdens; also shoulders" Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the end of the 1980 election. At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I can't find it anywhere. I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why wo

Practice is the best of all instructors.

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Don't get mad, get even.

Honesty's the best policy.