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Cold is God's way of teling us to burn more Catholics.

La Rouchefoucauld

Why, every one as they like; as the good woman said when she kissed her cow.

Lady Whiteadder

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

Lafferty R. A.

Somewhat alarmed at the continued growth of the number of employees on the Department of Agriculture payroll in 1962, Michigan Republican Robert Griffin proposed an amendment to the farm bill so that "the total number of employees in the Department

Lai Chou En

The white race is the cancer of history.

Lampoon The Harvard

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Landers Ann

Things are not always what they seem.

Lang Andrew

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Langan L.M.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Lao Tsu

During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigo

Lara Michael

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Lara Michael

To teach is to learn twice.

Lardner David

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Lardner Ring

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Lardner Ring

If the Nazis had television with satellite technology, we'd all be goose-stepping. Americans are just as suggestible.

Larry Niven

You shouldn't wallow in self-pity. But it's OK to put your feet in it and swish them around a little.

Larsen Dalglish

Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!

Larson Erik

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Lascl Christopher

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.


Another day, another dollar.


We are upping our standards ... so up yours.

Lazarus Long

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

LeBoutillier J.

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

LeGuin Ursula K.

"... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."

Lear King

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.

Leary Tim

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

Lebowitz Fran

I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.

Lebowitz Fran

The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

Lebowitz Fran

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Lebowitz Fran

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Leghorn Foghorn

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

Leghorn Foghorn

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Leghorn Foghorn

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Lehman John

It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

Lehrer Tom

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Lehrer Tom

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

Lehrer Tom

True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be.

Lem Stanislaw

Walk softly and carry a big stick.

Lem Stanislaw

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Len Cool

Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they are another's.

Lenin Vladimir Il'ich

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."


Set the cart before the horse.

Lennon John

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

Lennon John

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

Leo Rosten

We are not loved by our friends for what we are; rather, we are loved in spite of what we are.

LeoGrande William

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Leonard Ohio Lt. Governor Paul

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Leopardi Giacomo

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

Lerner Max

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."

Leslie Stephen

A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

Leslie Stephen

The human instinct to censor thrives, as it always will, living in irrepressible conflict with the human instinct to speak. Outrage, self-righteousness, and paranoia feed the maw of censorship. Squelching speech, however, never reduces society's net

Lester Julius

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Letterman David

A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to catching instructions on the wing.

Letterman David

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Letterman David

Another day, another dollar.

Letterman David

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Letterman David

Necessity has no law.

Letterman David

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Letterman David

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Letterman David

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Levant Oscar

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

Levant Oscar

A Polish worker walks into a bank to deposit his paycheck. He has heard about Poland's economic problems, and he asks what would happen to his money if the bank collapsed. "All of our deposits are guaranteed by the finance ministry, sir," the telle

Levin Bernard

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Levine Joseph E.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Levinson Leonard

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Lew Sinclair

People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.

Lewin Ralph

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Lewis C.S.

of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources."

Lewis C.S.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Lewis Joe E.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Lewis Joe E.

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Lewis Richard

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Lewis Sinclair

"You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't."

Lewis Thomas

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Li Woman's

Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished.

Li Mark Twain

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Lie Trygve

The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

Liebling A.J.

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

Liebling A.J.

"Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware."

Liepmann Hans

Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Lieutenant Kermit Tyler

What I tell you three times is true.

Lilly John

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Lincoln A.

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

Lincoln Abraham

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Lincoln Abraham

What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

Lincoln Abraham

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

Lincoln Abraham

My rackets are run on strictly American lines, and they're going to stay that way.

Lincoln Abraham

There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

Lincoln Abraham

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Lincoln Abraham

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Lincoln Abraham

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Lindbergh Charles

Don't be humble ... you're not that great.

Ling James J.

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

Lippmann Walter

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Lippmann Walter

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace

Little Mary Wilson

Virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.

Little Rich

"Go on, girl! You'll never get a better chance to buy Jif at this price. *Carpe diem*, babe!"

Lloyd Kaufman

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Lo graffito in

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Locke John

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Lockridge Ross

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

Long Lazarus

Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Long Lazarus

Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke. Hartke is a governor or mayor or something from one of the flatter states, and the reason you'll be reading about him is tha

Long Lazarus

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Long Lazarus

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Long Lazarus

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Long Lazarus

What we wish, that we readily believe.

Long Lazarus

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Long Lazarus

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Long Lazarus

Tempt not a desperate man.

Long Lazarus

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

Long Russell

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Longfellow H.W.

There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

Longworth A. R.

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

I stick my neck out for nobody.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illus

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Loo Lewis Carroll

She hates testicles, thus limiting the men she can admire to Democratic candidates for president.

Louder P.G

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Louder P.G.

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

Louder P.G. Wodehouse

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Louisi Edwin Edwards

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Lowell James Russell

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Lowell Robert

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

Lowell James Russell

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Lubbock John

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Luce C.B.

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.

Luce Clare Booth

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Lucinda Childs

"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)

Lula Pace Ripley

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Lumsden Marshall

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Lur Terry Pratchett

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

Lustbader Eric Van

Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

Luten Daniel B.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Luten Daniel B.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Luther Martin

of the time.

Luther Martin

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans usu

Luther Martin

Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

Lyly John

There is no proverb that is not true.


A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

lose. until you

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If a man slept by day, he had little time to work. That was a satisfying notion to Escargot.
Blaylock James P.

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