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Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ances

M Hawkeye

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

Mabbitt Ronald

Another day, another dollar.

Mabley Moms

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

MacDonald Dwight

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

MacDonald Ross

Never promise more than you can perform.

Macaulay Thomas

Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Macdonald Ronald

I know on which side my bread is buttered.


What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Machiavelli Niccolo

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Machineri R. Bradbury

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

Madariaga Salvador De

If we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage it, and involve others in our doom.

Madison James

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I


Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Mahabharata The

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

Mahabharata. The

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Maher Bill

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Mailer Norman

Necessity hath no law.

Maistre Joseph De

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.


If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital, had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.

Malraux Andre

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Mamet David

What's a cult? It just means not enough people to make a minority.

Man Little Big

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Manners Miss

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Manson Charles

To use violence is to already be defeated.

Manson Charles

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Manua Princess Irulan

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Manville Tommy

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Manville Tommy

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

Manville Tommy

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Margaret Mitchell

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

Mari Clive James on

You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.

Mark Twain

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Mark Twain

The more the merrier.

Mark Twain

Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Mark Twain

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Mark Twain

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Mark Twain

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Mark Twain

Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.

Mark Twain

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

Mark Twain

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Mark Twain

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Marlon Brando

"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?"

Marlowe Christopher

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

Marlowe Christopher

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Marlowe Christopher

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

Marlowe Christopher

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Marquis Don

There appears to be irrefutable evidence that the mere fact of overcrowding induces violence.

Marquis Don

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

Marquis Don

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Marquis Don

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Marr Bill

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Marshall Brickman

He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

Marshall Thurgood

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Martin Steve

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

Martin Thomas L.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.


He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.


You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.


Piece of cake!

Martin Steve

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Martin Steve

The Russians have put a small ball up in the air. That does not raise my apprehensions one iota.

Martin Susanna

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Martin' Kin Hubbard

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

Marx Groucho

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Marx Groucho

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.


The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Masterson Bat

A witty saying proves nothing.

Mathis Andrew W.

Big book, big bore.

Mau W. Somerset

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Maugh W. Somerset

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Maugham Somerset

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Maugham Somerset

The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"

Maugham W. Somerset

Let your conscience be your guide.

Maugham W. Somerset

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Maugham W.S.

He who renders warfare fatal to all engaged in it will be the greatest benefactor the world has yet known.

Maugham W. Somerset

May you live in uninteresting times.

Max Beerbohm

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Mayfield E.J.

Nothing endures but change.

Mayonnaise Hellman's

If God is One, what is bad?

Mayor Kevin White

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

McAfee Ron

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

McCabe Charles

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

McCall Cash

He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.

McCarthy Charlie

"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

McCarthy Charlie

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

McCarthy Eugene

... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.

McCarthy Eugene

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

McCorkle Julia Norton

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

McDaniel Hattie

"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies."

McEvoy J. P.

We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.

McGee Travis

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

McGovern George

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

McGuire Al

There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

McIntire Carl

The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO" represents the secondary theme: Law Enforcement Officials The overall theme of SoupCon shall be: Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials

McLeod Thom

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

McLuhan. Marshall

If you lose a son you can always get another, but there's only one Maltese Falcon.

McShane Michael

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

Mead Margaret

Practice yourself what you preach.

Medawar Sir Peter

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Meese Ed

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Meir Golda

To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.

Melvin Belli

I steal.


Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.


The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Mencken H. L.

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Mencken H. L.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Mencken H. L.

... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of the past.

Mencken H. L.

War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

Mencken H. L.

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

Mencken H. L.

"Remember, if it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's ___not the U.S. Army doing it!"

Mencken H. L.

They're giving bank robbing a bad name.

Mencken H. L.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Mencken H.L.

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Mencken H.L.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Mencken H.L.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Mencken H.L.

You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

Mencken H.L.

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

Mencken H.L.

The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.

Mencken H.L.

Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Don't overdo it.

Mencken H.L.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Mencken H.L.

The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Mencken H.L.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Mencken H.L.

Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Mencken H.L.

Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Mencken H.L.

Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much.

Mencken H.L.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Mencken H.L.

Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

Mencken H.L.

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Mencken H.L.

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Mencken H.L.

No two persons ever read the same book.

Mengot Roy

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Meredith George

My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

Meredith Owen

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Metrop Fran Lebowitz

Odets, where is thy sting?

Mex Jack Handley

All art is but imitation of nature.

Mex Jack Handley The New

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Mex Jack Handley The New

I do desire we may be better strangers.

Meyrowitz N.

The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Michael Levin


Michael Levin

None love the bearer of bad news.

Michael Winner British

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.


"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Michener James A.

If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

Midler Bette

General notions are generally wrong.

Mike Harding

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Mike Harding

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Mill John Stuart

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

Mill Dennis

You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.


Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Miller Arthur

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Miller Arthur R.

If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

Miller Dennis

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Miller Dennis

When the sun shineth, make hay.

Miller Dennis

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Miller Dennis

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Miller. Olin

If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.

Millman Dave

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great


The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap


Robert Kennedy's 1964 Senatorial campaign planners told him that their intention was to present him to the television viewers as a sincere, generous person. "You going to use a double?" asked Kennedy. Thumbing through a promotional pamphlet prep

Milton John

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Milton John

Charity begins at home.

Milton John

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Mitchell Gener

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."


A man's house is his castle.

Mizner Wilson

To add insult to injury.

Mizner Wilson

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Mizner Wilson

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

Mizner Wilson

"It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble."

Moffitt James

I love treason but hate a traitor.


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Montagu Lady M.W.

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

Montague Charles Edward

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Montaigne Michel Eyquem de

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Montaigne Michel de

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.

Montaigne Michel de

The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.


'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.


Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.


It took a while to surface, but it appears that a long-distance credit card may have saved a U.S. Army unit from heavy casualties during the Grenada military rescue/invasion. Major General David Nichols, Air Force ... said the Army unit was in a hous

Moore Steven

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Moose Bullwinkle

Out of sight is out of mind.

Moravia Alberto

I dote on his very absence.

More Sir Thomas

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Morgan J.P.

Serfs up!

Morgan J.P.

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Morgan J.P.

How should they answer?

Morley Christopher

Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a personality.

Morley Christopher

The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

Morley Christopher

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Morley Christopher

I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.

Morley John Viscount

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Morris William

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.


We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Moses Robert

A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

Moses Robert

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Moss Stirling

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Mostel Zero

Practice is the best of all instructors.

Mother Karl Marx's

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the


I am a deeply superficial person.


Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once.

Muggeridge Malcolm

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

Mull Martin

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Munr H.H.

"A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police."

Munro H.H.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Murray Bill

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Muscha Jerry

Our swords shall play the orators for us.

Muskie Senator Edmund

That's where the money was.

Musselman Bill

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Musset Alfred De

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Allen Woody

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