Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Save the Whales

Well begun is half done.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Forgive and forget.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Think sideways!

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

"Life is too important to take seriously."

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

If you want divine justice, die.

I owe the public nothing.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Out of sight is out of mind.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

The coast was clear.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

NEW YORK

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

The best you get is an even break.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

The more the merrier.

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Odets, where is thy sting?

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Honesty's the best policy.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

In my end is my beginning.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

To lead people, you must follow behind.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

There must be more to life than having everything.

Praise the sea; on shore remain.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Don't get mad, get even.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Your wig steers the gig.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

A man's house is his castle.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

A snake lurks in the grass.

A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Don't guess

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Nice guys finish last.

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

To add insult to injury.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Two heads are better than one.

Mum's the word.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Genius is pain.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

If you catch a man, throw him back.

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Language is a virus from another planet.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.