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A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

M Hawkeye

The optimum committee has no members.

Mabbitt Ronald

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."

Mabley Moms

The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

MacDonald Dwight

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

MacDonald Ross

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Macaulay Thomas

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Macdonald Ronald

If you want divine justice, die.


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Machiavelli Niccolo

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Machineri R. Bradbury

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Madariaga Salvador De

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Madison James

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.


But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Mahabharata The

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Mahabharata. The

Every country has the government it deserves.


If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Maher Bill

Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

Mailer Norman

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Maistre Joseph De

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.


What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Malraux Andre

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Mamet David

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Man Little Big

There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Manners Miss

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

Manson Charles

It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.

Manson Charles

Better the prince of some inferior court, Than second, or less, in beatific light.

Manua Princess Irulan

The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment. To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.

Manville Tommy

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Manville Tommy

If atheism is to be used to express the state of mind in which God is identified with the unknowable, and theology is pronounced to be a collection of meaningless words about unintelligible chimeras, then I have no doubt, and I think few people doubt

Manville Tommy

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Margaret Mitchell

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Mari Clive James on

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Mark Twain

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Mark Twain

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Mark Twain

"... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."

Mark Twain

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Mark Twain

My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

Mark Twain

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Mark Twain

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

Mark Twain

People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Mark Twain

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

Mark Twain

War is like love, it always finds a way.

Marlon Brando

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

Marlowe Christopher

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Marlowe Christopher

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Marlowe Christopher

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Marlowe Christopher

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Marquis Don

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

Marquis Don

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Marquis Don

Business will be either better or worse.

Marquis Don

To be or not to be.

Marr Bill

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Marshall Brickman

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Marshall Thurgood

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Martin Steve

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Martin Thomas L.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.


What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?


A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.


Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.

Martin Steve

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Martin Steve

It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only short

Martin Susanna

The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.

Martin' Kin Hubbard

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Marx Groucho

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

Marx Groucho

I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.


Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD. I fought like hell for them. But another group came along and exposed the word of my group as shallow and degenerate. They had a better word. So I quit the first group and lost all the friends

Masterson Bat

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Mathis Andrew W.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Mau W. Somerset

Events are not affected, they develop.

Maugh W. Somerset

The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food. The wo

Maugham Somerset

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Maugham Somerset

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Maugham W. Somerset

Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

Maugham W. Somerset

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his

Maugham W.S.

Nothing recedes like success.

Maugham W. Somerset

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Max Beerbohm

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Mayfield E.J.

You get what you pay for.

Mayonnaise Hellman's

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Mayor Kevin White

Art is anything you can get away with.

McAfee Ron

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

McCabe Charles

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

McCall Cash

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

McCarthy Charlie

The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.

McCarthy Charlie

I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

McCarthy Eugene

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

McCarthy Eugene

If there is no wind, row.

McCorkle Julia Norton

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

McDaniel Hattie

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

McEvoy J. P.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

McGee Travis

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

McGovern George

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

McGuire Al

Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

McIntire Carl

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

McLeod Thom

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

McLuhan. Marshall

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

McShane Michael

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Mead Margaret

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Medawar Sir Peter

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Meese Ed

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Meir Golda

Another day, another dollar.

Melvin Belli

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.


What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Mencken H. L.

"Somewhere", said Father Vittorini, "did Blake not speak of the Machineries of Joy? That is, did not God promote environments, then intimidate these Natures by provoking the existence of flesh, toy men and women, such as are we all? And thus happi

Mencken H. L.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Mencken H. L.

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Mencken H. L.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Mencken H. L.

Well, don't worry about it... It's nothing.

Mencken H. L.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Mencken H. L.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Mencken H. L.

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Mencken H.L.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Mencken H.L.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Mencken H.L.

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Mencken H.L.

"It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble."

Mencken H.L.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Mencken H.L.

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

Mencken H.L.

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Mencken H.L.

Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.

Mencken H.L.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Mencken H.L.

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Mencken H.L.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Mencken H.L.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Mencken H.L.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Mencken H.L.

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Mencken H.L.

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

Mencken H.L.

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

Mencken H.L.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Mencken H.L.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Mengot Roy

Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween.

Meredith George

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Meredith Owen

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Metrop Fran Lebowitz

Man proposes, God disposes.

Mex Jack Handley

All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.

Mex Jack Handley The New

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Mex Jack Handley The New

Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ances

Meyrowitz N.

Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

Michael Levin

Talkers are no good doers.

Michael Levin

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Michael Winner British

The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble.


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Michener James A.

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Midler Bette

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Mike Harding

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Mike Harding

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

Mill John Stuart

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Mill Dennis

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.


In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.

Miller Arthur

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Miller Arthur R.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Miller Dennis

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Miller Dennis

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Miller Dennis

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

Miller Dennis

He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

Miller. Olin

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

Millman Dave

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."


I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Milton John

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Milton John

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Milton John

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Mitchell Gener

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.


"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Mizner Wilson

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Mizner Wilson

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Mizner Wilson

What we do not understand we do not possess.

Mizner Wilson

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

Moffitt James

If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.


... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Montagu Lady M.W.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Montague Charles Edward

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Montaigne Michel Eyquem de

It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat your own family with loving un

Montaigne Michel de

She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Montaigne Michel de

The road to Hades is easy to travel.


Everything is possible. Pass the word.


He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.


Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Moore Steven

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Moose Bullwinkle

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

Moravia Alberto

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

More Sir Thomas

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Morgan J.P.

When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property.

Morgan J.P.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Morgan J.P.

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Morley Christopher

I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

Morley Christopher

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Morley Christopher

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Morley Christopher

... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.

Morley John Viscount

BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

Morris William

What we wish, that we readily believe.


God helps them that help themselves.

Moses Robert

Men are superior to women.

Moses Robert

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Moss Stirling

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Mostel Zero

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Mother Karl Marx's

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?


"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point."


When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

Muggeridge Malcolm

per year.

Mull Martin

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Munr H.H.

There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.

Munro H.H.

Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

Murray Bill

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Muscha Jerry

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

Muskie Senator Edmund

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Musselman Bill

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Musset Alfred De

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Hamilton Alexander

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