There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

There appears to be irrefutable evidence that the mere fact of overcrowding induces violence.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

I needed the good will of the legislature of four states. I formed the legislative bodies with my own money. I found that it was cheaper that way.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

There's no justice in this world.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity. Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.