Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

There appears to be irrefutable evidence that the mere fact of overcrowding induces violence.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.

They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

I'll burn my books.

Practice yourself what you preach.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?

No good deed goes unpunished.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear signifi

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.