"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies."

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

What I tell you three times is true.

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.

No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Two heads are better than one.

Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism, call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Nothing succeeds like success.