Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

If God is One, what is bad?

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Look before you leap.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Satire is tragedy plus time.

There is always something new out of Africa.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Don't guess

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Tempt not a desperate man.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

This was the most unkindest cut of all.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

In the long run we are all dead.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.