The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

"Life is too important to take seriously."

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

If you want divine justice, die.

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

When in doubt, use brute force.

The world wants to be deceived.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

It is better to have loved and lost

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

All is well that ends well.

God helps them that help themselves.

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

There's no such thing as an original sin.

I hate dying.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.