Two heads are better than one.

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Anything anybody can say about America is true.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Things are not always what they seem.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illus

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Nothing endures but change.

"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

Talkers are no good doers.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Turn the other cheek.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

A violent man will die a violent death.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Another day, another dollar.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Save the Whales

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

One good turn asketh another.

NEW YORK

per year.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference: "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious, isn't

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

Mum's the word.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

The white race is the cancer of history.

There is a limit to the admiration we may hold for a man who spends his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.

When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

If there is no wind, row.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Imagine what we can imagine!

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Things past redress and now with me past care.