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A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

P Harry Thurston


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Pa Long Chen


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Pa Jessie


"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science."

Paar Jack


Never promise more than you can perform.

Paar Jack


I'll turn over a new leaf.

Paine Thomas


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Paine Thomas


Anything anybody can say about America is true.

Palindromist The Mad


Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Parker Dorothy


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Parker Dorothy


You can observe a lot just by watching.

Parker Dorothy


Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Parker Dorothy


As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Parker Dorothy


I will make you shorter by the head.

Parker Dorothy


He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Parker Dorthy


Look ere ye leap.

Parker Robert


A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Parkinson


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Parkinson C.N.


One big pile is better than two little piles.

Parkinson C.N.


Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

Parnas Dave


Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government, to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.

Pascal Blaise


If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government!

Pascal Blaise


Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

Pascal Blaise


There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

Pasteur L.


If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

Pat Cadigan


There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Pat Cadigan


When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Patricia O Tuama


Love the sea? I dote upon it

Patrick Saint


Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Patton


Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Paul Erdman


Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Paul Tillich German


When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

Pelt Lucy Van


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Penn Jillette


Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Penn William


The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Perce Chief Joseph


You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Perelman S.J.


Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Pericles


Facts are the enemy of truth.

Perlis Alan J.


Peter Dr. Laurence J.


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Peter Dr. Laurence J.


A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Peter Irene


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Peter Laurence


The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

Peter Laurence J.


per year.

Peter Laurence J.


If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Peter Stack


If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Peter Straub


Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Petronius Gaius


Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Phaedrus


A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

Phaedrus


Knowledge is power.

Phaedrus


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Philip Hale Boston


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Philips Emo


If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

Phillips Emo


People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.

Phillips Utah


Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Physicist John von Neumann


What fools these mortals be.

Picasso


I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Picasso


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Picasso Pablo


There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

Pike Bishop James


What!? Me worry?

Pile Stephen


"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal

Pile Stephen


It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Pile Stephen


One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

Pile Stephen


To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Pile Stephen


You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Pindar


What you don't know won't help you much either.

Pindar


The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Pinero Sir Arthur Wing


I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

Pintauro Joseph


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Pirsig Robert


I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Platford Lois


Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Plato


The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

Plato


... so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent, and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious and otherwise, to put shackles upon sl

Plato


The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions. ... The new style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely ins

Plato


No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Plato


On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Plato


The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

Plautus Titus Maccius


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Plautus Titus Maccius


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Plautus Titus Maccius


HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Player Willis


We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Plotinus


My father was a saint, I'm not.

Plummer Christopher


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Plutarch


So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Pollard John G.


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Pooh-Bah


were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear signifi

Pope


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Pope Alexander


He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Pope Alexander


The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Pope John Paul


"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies."

Pope St. Gregory


Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Poppins Mary


Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Postmas James


Men are superior to women.

Pournelle Niven and


To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Powers Richard


A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Prabhupada Swami


What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Prentice George D.


... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.

President Pat Paulsen for


One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Presley Elvis


Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Presley Elvis


To lead people, you must follow behind.

Price Don


An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Prochnow Herbert


You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish betwe

Prochnow Herbert V.


I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

Professor English


Two heads are better than one.

Prosser D. Winkel and F.


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Protagoras


Go ahead... make my day.

Proust M.


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Proverb A Yippie


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Proverb Ancient Simian


We're all in this alone.

Proverb Chinese


What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Proverb Chinese


It is a wise father that knows his own child.

Proverb Recent Chinese


A violent man will die a violent death.

Pryne Hester


Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

Psalms


In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Publilius


Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Publius Ovidius Naso


The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food. The wo

Publius Terentius Afer


It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

Publius Terentius Afer


We're only in it for the volume.

Publius Terentius Afer


Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Publius Terentius Afer


I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Publius Vergilius Maro


You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

Publius Vergilius Maro


It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Publius Vergilius Maro


Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Publius Vergilius Maro


If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

Pudd'nhead Wilson's


Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.

Pulitzer Joseph


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Pusey Nathan


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Pyrrhus


If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.

Python Monty


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

prayer Medieval


Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

proverb Arab


You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

proverb Arabian


The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

proverb Chinese


There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

proverb Chinese


I know on which side my bread is buttered.

proverb Chinese


Where you stand depends on where you sit.

proverb Chinese


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

proverb Chinese


The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

proverb Chinese


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

proverb Chinese


A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

proverb Indian


The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

proverb Italian


Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

proverb Polish


Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

proverb Spanish


When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

proverb Turkish


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

proverb. Scottish





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Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
Shaw George Bernard

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