Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Practice yourself what you preach.

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment. To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Never promise more than you can perform.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

I love treason but hate a traitor.

Home is where the hurt is.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Rome was not built in one day.

Nice guys finish last.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

No matter whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme court follows th' iliction returns.

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Talkers are no good doers.

I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

The nearer to the church, the further from God.

Every why hath a wherefore.

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.

Man is a military animal, glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.

April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East. They treat the Arabs like postmen.

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

Your wig steers the gig.

Small is beautiful.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

I will make you shorter by the head.

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

Don't vote

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Cautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are totally in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

A word to the wise is enough.

It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Men are superior to women.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency.

Everyone is in the best seat.

And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

"... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

To teach is to learn twice.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.