One big pile is better than two little piles.

per year.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of one's life and then come round.

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Piece of cake!

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Faith is under the left nipple.

Haste makes waste.

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science."

Man is a military animal, glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

There never was a good war or a bad peace.

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

To add insult to injury.

I'll never get off this planet.

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

All art is but imitation of nature.

Tempt not a desperate man.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

God help those who do not help themselves.

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.

"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Harp not on that string.

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

You can never do just one thing.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

That's no moon...

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.

For courage mounteth with occasion.

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

Flame on!

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Innovation is hard to schedule.

"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

There's small choice in rotten apples.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Honesty's the best policy.

It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only short

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Everyone is in the best seat.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.

As long as there are entrenched social and political distinctions between sexes, races or classes, there will be forms of science whose main function is to rationalize and legitimize these distinctions.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

So little time, so little to do.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

The man who runs may fight again.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.