Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

We're all in this alone.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Better late than never.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

No good deed goes unpunished.

Nothing recedes like success.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

God is Dead.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

There is no proverb that is not true.

There is always something new out of Africa.

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Forgive and forget.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

There's no justice in this world.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

None love the bearer of bad news.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

So little time, so little to do.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

The man who runs may fight again.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

What one fool can do, another can.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Many hands make light work.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

There's no such thing as an original sin.

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Getting into trouble is easy.

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Imagine what we can imagine!

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Real wealth can only increase.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.