A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

One good turn asketh another.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Language is a virus from another planet.

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

No good deed goes unpunished.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Piece of cake!

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

What one fool can do, another can.

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

There must be more to life than having everything.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

I will make you shorter by the head.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

If you want divine justice, die.

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Don't get mad, get even.

Men are superior to women.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

What!? Me worry?

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

A snake lurks in the grass.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

May you live in uninteresting times.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Look ere ye leap.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Turn the other cheek.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Mum's the word.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.