Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

It is better to have loved and lost

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

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The goys have proven the following theorem...

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

What you don't know won't help you much either.

The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".

All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

One good turn deserves another.

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Flame on!

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

Necessity has no law.

The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

What!? Me worry?

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

There are no answers, only cross-references.

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

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No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Talkers are no good doers.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Language is a virus from another planet.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum.

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better than he does. As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about it. I am told that he appears to be strong and

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

... difference of opinion is advantagious in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor morum over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity,

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.