If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

I hate dying.

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

All phone calls are obscene.

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

God help those who do not help themselves.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Many hands make light work.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

All is well that ends well.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

What fools these mortals be.

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Better late than never.

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

In charity there is no excess.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Odets, where is thy sting?

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

"Life is too important to take seriously."

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

If there is no wind, row.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

You get what you pay for.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Rome was not built in one day.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

I owe the public nothing.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Out of sight is out of mind.

A dead man cannot bite.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Small is beautiful.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Forgive and forget.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

A violent man will die a violent death.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

The more the merrier.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Let your conscience be your guide.

Real wealth can only increase.

With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Look ere ye leap.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

There is no sin but ignorance.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

A witty saying proves nothing.