The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Nothing succeeds like success.

Odets, where is thy sting?

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

You can never do just one thing.

You get what you pay for.

Man is the measure of all things.

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Beggars should be no choosers.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

The superfluous is very necessary.

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

What we wish, that we readily believe.

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

I hate dying.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Business will be either better or worse.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

One good turn asketh another.

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

A witty saying proves nothing.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

What one fool can do, another can.

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Look before you leap.

Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

God helps them that help themselves.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Mum's the word.

The world wants to be deceived.