"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Man is by nature a political animal.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

You can build a throne out of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend than be one.

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercio

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

"Nuclear war would really set back cable."

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Tip O'Neill is just like Congress; old, fat and out of control.

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Let sleeping dogs lie.

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

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"Lemme show ya the odds, Sparky... In yer country, ya got 14 million black people, and 3 million white people. Now, does the name `Custer' mean anything to you?"

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food. The wo

The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call this their point of view.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."

He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

English literature's performing flea.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels of destructiveness upon old ones. We have done this helplessly, almost involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream, like lemmings heading

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency.

I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

When, in 1964, New Hampshire Republican Senator Norris Cotton announced his support of Bary Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was questioned as to whether this indicated a change of his hitherto "liberal" political views. "Well," expla

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

NEW YORK

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.

Look ere ye leap.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

To be or not to be.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

The coast was clear.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Well, don't worry about it... It's nothing.

The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"

The ripest fruit falls first.

Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Beggars should be no choosers.

It is enough to make one sympathize with a tyrant for the determination of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends...

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

War hath no fury like a non-combatant.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

Honesty's the best policy.

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Your wig steers the gig.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Youth is a disease from which we all recover.

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision. Each tends to ascribe to the other side a consistency, fors

While there's life, there's hope.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Catholicism has changed tremendously in the recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.

If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

"A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police."

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Another day, another dollar.

There never was a good war or a bad peace.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all.

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Grub first, then ethics.

If God is One, what is bad?

Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.

Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

He who slings mud generally loses ground.

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat,

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

What one fool can do, another can.

Necessity has no law.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble.

"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case. It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober."

Forgive and forget.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Knowledge is power.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

"Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware."

Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Prizes are for children.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia, I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

"If we relied conclusively on scientific data for every one of our findings, I'm afraid all of our work would be inconclusive."

Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that politics is almost always the choice of the lesser evil. "Tweedledum and Tweedledee," they say. "I will not vote." Having abstained, they are presented with a President who appoints t

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

There are no answers, only cross-references.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.

There's small choice in rotten apples.

Leave no stone unturned.

Any president should have the right to shoot at least two people a year without explanation.

You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard. A justice of the peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill. In the municipal courts, he will cost you ten. In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen. The state appellate

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.

If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing but illegal purposes.

His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum- stances being what they

Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

I don't give a shit what happens. I want you all to stonewall it. Let them plead the Fifth Amendment, cover up, or anything else if it'll save the plan.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

"The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to ________preserve disorder."

Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to catching instructions on the wing.

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.

Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

To think contrary to one's era is heroism. But to speak against it is madness.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

The most recent attempt to revive the moribund campus left, a national conference held at Rutgers University February 5-7, ended when the participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national organization. The stated goal of the c

Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

When you're in command, command.

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Law stands mute in the midst of arms.

[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

The very first essential for success is a perpetually constant and regular employment of violence.

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?"

Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.