[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

"It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble."

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Don't overdo it.

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

One big pile is better than two little piles.

War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.

The ripest fruit falls first.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

A people living under the perpetual menace of war and invasion is very easy to govern. It demands no social reforms. It does not haggle over expenditures on armaments and military equipment. It pays without discussion, it ruins itself, and that is

Such evil deeds could religion prompt.

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

If it takes a bloodbath, lets get it over with. No more appeasement.

WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something.

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard. A justice of the peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill. In the municipal courts, he will cost you ten. In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen. The state appellate

I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

... Let me tell you who the actual "front-runners" are. On one side, you have George Bush, who is currently going through a sort of fraternity hazing wherein he has to perform a series of humiliating stunts to win the approval of the Republican Righ

Long ago I proposed that unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum. The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

You guys have been practicing discrimination for years. Now it's our turn.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

She hates testicles, thus limiting the men she can admire to Democratic candidates for president.

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.

Practice is the best of all instructors.

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

To use violence is to already be defeated.

The optimum committee has no members.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Thank God I've always avoided persecuting my enemies.

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

You can build a throne out of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

What I tell you three times is true.

Faith is under the left nipple.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us.

"Plaese porrf raed."

Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.

Better late than never.

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Every country has the government it deserves.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

As long as I am mayor of this city [Jersey City, New Jersey] the great industries are secure. We hear about constitutional rights, free speech and the free press. Every time I hear these words I say to myself, "That man is a Red, that man is a Comm

I have always noticed that whenever a radical takes to Imperialism, he catches it in a very acute form.

You shouldn't wallow in self-pity. But it's OK to put your feet in it and swish them around a little.

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."

We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.

an idiot politically. But the designations may be good business for war veterans. Having bled for their country in 1861 and 1918, they have bled it all they could consequently. And why not?"

There's no such thing as an original sin.

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time.

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

You've always made the mistake of being yourself.

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.

Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

Anything is possible on paper.

Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once.

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

The better part of valor is discretion.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

As to Jesus of Nazareth... I think the system of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present Dissent

What you see is from outside yourself, and may come, or not, but is beyond your control. But your fear is yours, and yours alone, like your voice, or your fingers, or your memory, and therefore yours to control. If you feel powerless over your fear

Sometimes, too long is too long.

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.

VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Al Gore resembled a Vulcan desperately in need of a blow job.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

There's no justice in this world.

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

"The Army is a place where you get up early in the morning to be yelled at by people with short haircuts and tiny brains."

The world wants to be deceived.

Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.

"If we relied conclusively on scientific data for every one of our findings, I'm afraid all of our work would be inconclusive."

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

There is a road to freedom. Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and love of the Fatherland.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Corrupt, stupid grasping functionaries will make at least as big a muddle of socialism as stupid, selfish and acquisitive employers can make of capitalism.

Never buy from a rich salesman.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Save the Whales

Cold is God's way of teling us to burn more Catholics.

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Think sideways!

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

To be or not to be.

When you're in command, command.

The Least Successful Police Dogs America has a very strong candidate in "La Dur", a fearsome looking schnauzer hound, who was retired from the Orlando police force in Florida in 1978. He consistently refused to do anything which might ruffle or of

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science."

Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to teach children.

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

The Russians have put a small ball up in the air. That does not raise my apprehensions one iota.

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

The goys have proven the following theorem...

Nothing succeeds like success.

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob

Young men are fitter to invent than to judge; fitter for execution than for counsel; and fitter for new projects than for settled business. For the experience of age, in things that fall within the compass of it, directeth them; but in new things, a

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters.

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

When democracy granted democratic methods to us in times of opposition, this was bound to happen in a democratic system. However, we National Socialists never asserted that we represented a democratic point of view, but we have declared openly that

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

O, it is excellent To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous To use it like a giant.

Words have a longer life than deeds.

Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

A yawn is a silent shout.

Your wig steers the gig.

America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.

Why, every one as they like; as the good woman said when she kissed her cow.

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

If we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage it, and involve others in our doom.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, how

Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

"You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but only for a limited period of time. Why should we think that collectively, as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?"

Richard Nixon was the most dishonest individual I have ever met in my life. He lied to his wife, his family, his friends, his colleagues in the Congress, lifetime members of his own political party, the American people, and the world.

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

The hater of property and of government takes care to have his warranty deed recorded, and the book written against fame and learning has the author's name on the title page.

That's no moon...

You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.

I don't think they are going to give a shit about the Republican Committee trying to bug the Democratic Committee's headquarters.

"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement."

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.

"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia, I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

In a country where the sole employer is the State, opposition means death by slow starvation. The old principle: Who does not work shall not eat, has been replaced by a new one: Who does not obey shall not eat.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the mid-fork of the Feather River

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.

THE MX IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY. One important reason we have a Defense Department is that when we give it money, it spends it, which creates jobs, whereas if we left the money in the hands of civilians, we don't know what they'd do with it. Probabl

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels of destructiveness upon old ones. We have done this helplessly, almost involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream, like lemmings heading

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government!

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

In Pierre Trudeau, Canada has finally produced a Prime Minister worthy of assassination.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

He who slings mud generally loses ground.

What one fool can do, another can.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

I am examining you on your fool ideas that no intelligent Christian on earth believes.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Real wealth can only increase.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.

The very first essential for success is a perpetually constant and regular employment of violence.

An efficient and a successful administration manifests itself equally in small as in great matters.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.