No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not far to seek. ... The

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

If you want divine justice, die.

I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

All Gods were immortal.

How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property.

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Better late than never.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.

If it takes a bloodbath, lets get it over with. No more appeasement.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

The Russians have put a small ball up in the air. That does not raise my apprehensions one iota.

Go ahead... make my day.

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Events are not affected, they develop.

The man who runs may fight again.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Small is beautiful.

Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished.

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Every country has the government it deserves.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

There's small choice in rotten apples.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Carol's head ached as she trailed behind the unsmiling Calibrees along the block of booths. She chirruped at Kennicott, "Let's be wild! Let's ride on the merry-go-round and grab a gold ring!" Kennicott considered it, and mumbled to Calibree, "Thin

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Charity begins at home.

Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

I would like the government to do all it can to mitigate, then, in understanding, in mutuality of interest, in concern for the common good, our tasks will be solved.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.

What!? Me worry?

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the mid-fork of the Feather River

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only short

As long as there are entrenched social and political distinctions between sexes, races or classes, there will be forms of science whose main function is to rationalize and legitimize these distinctions.

He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Praise the sea; on shore remain.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

You know very well that whether you are on page one or page thirty depends on whether [the press] fear you. It is just as simple as that.

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all th

Don't guess

In charity there is no excess.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

Art is a jealous mistress.

Our swords shall play the orators for us.

That's no moon...

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.

It is better to have loved and lost

I have never understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

For courage mounteth with occasion.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

A light wife doth make a heavy husband.

"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts."

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

I have gained this by philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law.

A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it's just the opposite."

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

You can't underestimate the power of fear.

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum- stances being what they

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

We should be glad we're living in the time that we are. If any of us had been born into a more enlightened age, I'm sure we would have immediately been taken out and shot.

We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

If people say that here and there someone has been taken away and maltreated, I can only reply: You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

Grub first, then ethics.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.

We have no scorched earth policy. We have a policy of scorched Communists.

Justice is incidental to law and order.

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

To be or not to be.

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

There never was a good war or a bad peace.

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

How is the world ruled, and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists, and they believe what they read.

My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on.

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.

... Let me tell you who the actual "front-runners" are. On one side, you have George Bush, who is currently going through a sort of fraternity hazing wherein he has to perform a series of humiliating stunts to win the approval of the Republican Righ

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

There are no answers, only cross-references.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illus

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

But you shall not escape my iambics.

The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It wa

Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

The clergy successfully preached the doctrines of patience and pusillanimity; the active virtues of society were discouraged; and the last remains of a military spirit were buried in the cloister: a large portion of public and private wealth was cons

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of Communists and other subversives. We intend to clean them out, even if it means rounding up every bird watcher in the country.

What is good? Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? Everything that is born of weakness. Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue but fitness. The weak and the

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.

I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.

Never promise more than you can perform.

An efficient and a successful administration manifests itself equally in small as in great matters.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

The better part of valor is discretion.

Look ere ye leap.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Look before you leap.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

War is like love, it always finds a way.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

There is no sin but ignorance.

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point."

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training. And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress I can. Why doesn't anyone

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

Somewhat alarmed at the continued growth of the number of employees on the Department of Agriculture payroll in 1962, Michigan Republican Robert Griffin proposed an amendment to the farm bill so that "the total number of employees in the Department

There is a road to freedom. Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and love of the Fatherland.

If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Three things have been difficult to tame: The oceans, fools, and women. We may soon be able to tame the ocean. Fools and women will take a little longer.

If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

The dirty work at political conventions is almost always done in the grim hours between midnight and dawn. Hangmen and politicians work best when the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.

A people living under the perpetual menace of war and invasion is very easy to govern. It demands no social reforms. It does not haggle over expenditures on armaments and military equipment. It pays without discussion, it ruins itself, and that is

Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

I am a deeply superficial person.

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

I do desire we may be better strangers.

Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

"I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages. You sound like a frustrated old man who never made a success, an eight-ulcer man on a four-ulcer job, and all four ulcers working. I have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nos

I used to be a rebel in my youth. This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL! But I learned. Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own problems. So I lost interest in politics. Now when I feel aroused by

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that "If I had w

Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

That's where the money was.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.