A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

God helps them that help themselves.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Many hands make light work.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Nothing endures but change.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

In charity there is no excess.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Rome was not built in one day.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Imagine what we can imagine!

I hate quotations.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Honesty's the best policy.

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

If God is One, what is bad?

I'll turn over a new leaf.

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

There must be more to life than having everything.

If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

In my end is my beginning.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Nothing succeeds like success.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Events are not affected, they develop.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Don't guess

Nothing succeeds like excess.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

There is always something new out of Africa.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

None love the bearer of bad news.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Getting into trouble is easy.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

There is no fool to the old fool.

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Genius is pain.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

What one fool can do, another can.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Littering is dumb.

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Business will be either better or worse.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

If you want divine justice, die.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Set the cart before the horse.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Piece of cake!

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Forgive and forget.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

There is no proverb that is not true.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

"Life is too important to take seriously."

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.