Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Things past redress and now with me past care.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! AWAKE!

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Well, don't worry about it... It's nothing.

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

"It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble."

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts."

The coast was clear.

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

You tread upon my patience.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern. I realize that the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile so we can be free to concern ourselves wi

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

"Remember, if it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's ___not the U.S. Army doing it!"

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Save the Whales

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

"That's no answer," Job said, "And for someone who's supposed to be omnipotent, let me tell you 'tabernacle' has only one l."

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be mud." And there was mud. And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what we have done." And God created every living creature that now moveth, and

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

Look ere ye leap.

"Nuclear war would really set back cable."

[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

A man's house is his castle.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

A man is known by the company he organizes.

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Who's scruffy-looking?

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

The only excuse for God is that he doesn't exist.

He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."

Things are not always what they seem.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

Better late than never.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

He who slings mud generally loses ground.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Too much of everything is just enough.

A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

He jests at scars who never felt a wound.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

There never was a good war or a bad peace.

Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

When you're in command, command.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered].

To use violence is to already be defeated.

Don't get mad, get even.

How is the world ruled, and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists, and they believe what they read.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Knowledge is power.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

But you shall not escape my iambics.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.

It's not easy, being green.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts."

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

The ripest fruit falls first.

Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.

I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike."

Odets, where is thy sting?

One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Out of sight is out of mind.

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

The world wants to be deceived.

To add insult to injury.

The fact that people are poor or discriminated against doesn't necessarily endow them with any special qualities of justice, nobility, charity or compassion.

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science."

Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

I needed the good will of the legislature of four states. I formed the legislative bodies with my own money. I found that it was cheaper that way.

He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all th

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

"Plaese porrf raed."

The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

We should be glad we're living in the time that we are. If any of us had been born into a more enlightened age, I'm sure we would have immediately been taken out and shot.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

"They make a desert and call it peace."

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

"... all the modern inconveniences ..."

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

Nothing endures but change.

Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Alas, how love can trifle with itself!