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I am not a crook.

T.S. Eliot


The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble.

Tacitus


There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

Tacitus


America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

Talleyrand Charles-Maurice De


Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Tao Te Ching


Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.

Tarkin Governor


Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Tarkington Booth


The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions. ... The new style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely ins

Tarsus Paul of


Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Taylor Elizabeth


Flame on!

Technology Aviation Week and Space


I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Temple Shirley


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Tennant Harry


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Terry Pratchett


If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Terry Pratchett


Fear is the greatest salesman.

Texa J. Frank Dobie


Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Thatcher Margaret


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

The Outer Limits


Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

The Squirrels


I will make you shorter by the head.

Theophrastus


A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Thomas Dylan


Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Thomas Dylan


If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Thomas J. Parnell


What I tell you three times is true.

Thomas Marlo


Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".

Thomas Marlo


Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

Thomas Norman


The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

Thomas Carlyle


We prefer to believe that the absence of inverted commas guarantees the originality of a thought, whereas it may be merely that the utterer has forgotten its source.

Thomas Dave


You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Thomas De Quincey


No good deed goes unpunished.

Thomas De Quincey


Don't get mad, get even.

Thomas De Quincey


Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.

Thomas Jefferson


A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Thomas King


The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Thomas Macaulay


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Thomas W. Lamont


It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

Thompson H.S.


You tread upon my patience.

Thompson Hunter S.


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Thompson Hunter S.


A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

Thompson Ken


Yawd [noun, Bostonese]: the campus of Have Id.

Thore Henry David


We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

Thoreau


With reasonable men I will reason; with humane men I will plead; but to tyrants I will give no quarter.

Thoreau H.D.


Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.

Thoreau Henry David


The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.

Thoreau Henry David


Art is a jealous mistress.

Thoreau Henry David


Don't get the idea that I'm one of those goddamn radicals. Don't get the idea that I'm knocking the American system.

Thoreau Henry David


Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.

Thoreau Henry David


The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.

Thoreau Henry David


When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Thoreau Henry David


How apt the poor are to be proud.

Thoreau Henry David


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Thoreau David Henry


"Plaese porrf raed."

Thurber James


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Thurber James


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Thurber James


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Thurber James


... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of the past.

Ti Chuck Shepherd


To say you got a vote of confidence would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.

Tikkanen Henrik


He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

Tiselius Arne


The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.

Titus Livius


Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Tobaben


It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of one's life and then come round.

Tocqueville Alexis de


We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Todd Ruthven Campbell


The reason we need the MX missile system is that the missiles we currently have in the ground are the Minuteman model, which is very old. The Defense Department can't even remember where half of them are. Insects have built nests in them. People hav

Tokugawa Shogun


Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Tolkien J. R. R.


If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Tolkien J. R. R.


The forest is safe because a lion lives therein and the lion is safe because it lives in a forest. Likewise the friendship of persons rests on mutual help.

Tolkien J. R. R.


The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free.

Tolkien J. R. R.


It's our fault. We should have given him better parts.

Tolkien J.R.R.


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Tolkien J.R.R.


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Tolkien J.R.R.


When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to

Tolkien J.R.R.


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Tolstoy


With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Tolstoy


The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

Tolstoy


Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.

Tolstoy


To be great is to be misunderstood.

Tolstoy Leo


"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Tomash Erwin


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Tomlin Lily


The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Tomlin Lily


If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream and never be our destiny.

Tomlin Lily


Forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names.

Tomlin Lily


Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Tomlin Lily


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Tomlin Lily


When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Tomlin Lily


The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Tourbillon


Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

Toynbee Arnold Joseph


A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

Tr Leon


With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Trend Motor


A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Trend Motor


Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Trend Motor


I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

Trillin Calvin


Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.

Trilling Lionel


If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour.

Trotsky


The dirty work at political conventions is almost always done in the grim hours between midnight and dawn. Hangmen and politicians work best when the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.

Trudeau P.E.


Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Truman Harry


Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Truman Harry


Majorities, of course, start with minorities.

Truman Harry S.


In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Truman Harry S.


It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.

Truman Harry S.


Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty, and the children are above-average.

Truman Harry S.


It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Truman President Harry S.


The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Tsu Lao


Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

Tsu Lao


"Go on, girl! You'll never get a better chance to buy Jif at this price. *Carpe diem*, babe!"

Tsu Lao


If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Tsu Lao


The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.

Tsu Lao


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Tsu Lao


I used to be a rebel in my youth. This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL! But I learned. Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own problems. So I lost interest in politics. Now when I feel aroused by

Tsu Lao


Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Tsu Lao


Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Tsu Lao


There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Tsu Lao


Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Tsu Lao


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Tsu Lao


The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Tsu Lao


We are all born mad. Some remain so.

Tsu Lao


Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

Tuc The mayor of


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Turgenev


The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Turner Ted


The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Turner Ted


"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Tusser Thomas


Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Tusser Thomas


Go ahead... make my day.

Twain Mark


In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Twain Mark


The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

Twain Mark


Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

Twain Mark


Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

Twain Mark


Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Twain Mark


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Twain Mark


You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.

Twain Mark


Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Twain Mark


"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Twain Mark


A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.

Twain Mark


The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Twain Mark


About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Twain Mark


... Let me tell you who the actual "front-runners" are. On one side, you have George Bush, who is currently going through a sort of fraternity hazing wherein he has to perform a series of humiliating stunts to win the approval of the Republican Righ

Twain Mark


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Twain Mark


Let me take you a button-hole lower.

Twain Mark


Home is where the hurt is.

Twain Mark


Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Twain Mark


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Twain Mark


Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

Twain Mark


I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...

Twain Mark


Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

Twain Mark


We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Twain Mark


Facts are the enemy of truth.

Twain Mark


We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things themselves.

Twain Mark


Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans usu

Twain Mark


"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Twain Mark


I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.

Twain Mark


Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not, when a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and apparently incoherent songs. I was myself within the circle, so that I neither saw nor heard as those without might

Twain Mark


They're giving bank robbing a bad name.

Twain Mark


There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.

Twain Mark


He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."

Twain Mark


"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Twain Mark


The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Twain Mark


There appears to be irrefutable evidence that the mere fact of overcrowding induces violence.

Twain Mark


To generalize is to be an idiot.

Twain Mark


Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Twain Mark


To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.

Twain Mark


Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Twain Mark


Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Twain Mark


I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

Twain Mark


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Twain Mark


I stick my neck out for nobody.

Twain Mark


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Twain Mark


At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Twain Mark


"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Twain Mark


Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Twain Mark


What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Twain Mark


All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Twain Mark


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Twain Mark


You can't play your friends like marks, kid.

Twain Mark


[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Twain Mark


A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which was intended for her preservation.

Twain Mark


A yawn is a silent shout.

Twain Mark


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Twain Mark


We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.

Twain Mark


Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Twain Mark


"They make a desert and call it peace."

Twain Mark


Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.

Twain Mark


He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Twain Mark


"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

Twain Mark


"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."

Twain Mark


When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

Twain Mark


A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Twain Mark


I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

Twain Mark


To be is to be related.

Twain Mark


We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.

Twain Mark


This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds happiness in a world in which happiness is al

Twain Mark


If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

Twain Mark


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Twain Mark


As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Twain Mark


"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement."

Twain Mark


Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Twain Mark


An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat is severely rationed). When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage. "What is this?" he shouts. "I fought

Twain Mark


All phone calls are obscene.

Twain Mark


Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.

Twain Mark


Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

Twain Mark


There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.

Twain Mark


Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Twain Mark


But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.

Twain Mark


A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Twain Mark


I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

Twain Mark


I owe the public nothing.

Twain Mark


I would not like to be a political leader in Russia. They never know when they're being taped.

Tweed Boss


It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Tyger Frank


When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Tyroon Henry


I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Tzu Chuang


The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call this their point of view.

Tzu Chuang


I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.

them! it only encourages


If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all th

they' and he points an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger. The old man goes home and his wife says "So aaaaaaaaaaaaaa





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What I tell you three times is true.
Carroll Lewis

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