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Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

T.S. Eliot


I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Tacitus


Go ahead... make my day.

Tacitus


Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Talleyrand Charles-Maurice De


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Tao Te Ching


All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Tarkin Governor


... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Tarkington Booth


A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Tarsus Paul of


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Taylor Elizabeth


The more the merrier.

Technology Aviation Week and Space


In the long run we are all dead.

Temple Shirley


The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Tennant Harry


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Terry Pratchett


Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Terry Pratchett


Nothing succeeds like success.

Texa J. Frank Dobie


What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Thatcher Margaret


"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

The Outer Limits


"Life is too important to take seriously."

The Squirrels


We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Theophrastus


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Thomas Dylan


Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Thomas Dylan


"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Thomas J. Parnell


Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Thomas Marlo


"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Thomas Marlo


When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Thomas Norman


True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Thomas Carlyle


Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Thomas Dave


If there is no wind, row.

Thomas De Quincey


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Thomas De Quincey


Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Thomas De Quincey


A violent man will die a violent death.

Thomas Jefferson


I hate dying.

Thomas King


A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Thomas Macaulay


Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Thomas W. Lamont


Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Thompson H.S.


Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Thompson Hunter S.


The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Thompson Hunter S.


Monterey... is decidedly the pleasantest and most civilized-looking place in California ... [it] is also a great place for cock-fighting, gambling of all sorts, fandangos, and various kinds of amusements and knavery.

Thompson Ken


Art is a jealous mistress.

Thore Henry David


Forgive and forget.

Thoreau


The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Thoreau H.D.


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Thoreau Henry David


When in doubt, use brute force.

Thoreau Henry David


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Thoreau Henry David


Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Thoreau Henry David


One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Thoreau Henry David


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Thoreau Henry David


You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Thoreau Henry David


What you don't know won't help you much either.

Thoreau Henry David


It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Thoreau David Henry


The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...

Thurber James


We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Thurber James


The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Thurber James


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Thurber James


Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Ti Chuck Shepherd


We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

Tikkanen Henrik


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Tiselius Arne


Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Titus Livius


The major sin is the sin of being born.

Tobaben


Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Tocqueville Alexis de


The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Todd Ruthven Campbell


You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Tokugawa Shogun


There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

Tolkien J. R. R.


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Tolkien J. R. R.


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Tolkien J. R. R.


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Tolkien J. R. R.


It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Tolkien J.R.R.


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Tolkien J.R.R.


Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Tolkien J.R.R.


He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Tolkien J.R.R.


The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It wa

Tolstoy


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Tolstoy


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Tolstoy


Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

Tolstoy


Set the cart before the horse.

Tolstoy Leo


Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Tomash Erwin


I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

Tomlin Lily


When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Tomlin Lily


The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Tomlin Lily


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Tomlin Lily


It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Tomlin Lily


Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Tomlin Lily


Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

Tomlin Lily


Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Tourbillon


Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.

Toynbee Arnold Joseph


It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.

Tr Leon


Imagine what we can imagine!

Trend Motor


"What was the worst thing you've ever done?" "I won't tell you that, but I'll tell you the worst thing that ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."

Trend Motor


Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Trend Motor


It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Trillin Calvin


If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Trilling Lionel


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Trotsky


The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Trudeau P.E.


If God is One, what is bad?

Truman Harry


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Truman Harry


Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Truman Harry S.


"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Truman Harry S.


He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Truman Harry S.


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Truman Harry S.


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Truman President Harry S.


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Tsu Lao


The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Tsu Lao


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Tsu Lao


Things are not always what they seem.

Tsu Lao


Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Tsu Lao


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Tsu Lao


The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Tsu Lao


A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

Tsu Lao


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Tsu Lao


The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Tsu Lao


When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Tsu Lao


Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Tsu Lao


We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

Tsu Lao


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Tsu Lao


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Tuc The mayor of


Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Turgenev


The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Turner Ted


A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Turner Ted


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Tusser Thomas


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Tusser Thomas


"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

Twain Mark


Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Twain Mark


If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Twain Mark


Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference: "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious, isn't

Twain Mark


He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

Twain Mark


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Twain Mark


I stick my neck out for nobody.

Twain Mark


Another day, another dollar.

Twain Mark


Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Twain Mark


It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Twain Mark


The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

Twain Mark


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Twain Mark


Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Twain Mark


A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Twain Mark


Well begun is half done.

Twain Mark


If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Twain Mark


Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Twain Mark


Don't guess

Twain Mark


It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Twain Mark


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Twain Mark


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Twain Mark


Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Twain Mark


The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Twain Mark


Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Twain Mark


You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Twain Mark


... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Twain Mark


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Twain Mark


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Twain Mark


You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Twain Mark


An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Twain Mark


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Twain Mark


There is no proverb that is not true.

Twain Mark


I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Twain Mark


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Twain Mark


There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Twain Mark


The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Twain Mark


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Twain Mark


The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Twain Mark


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Twain Mark


What one fool can do, another can.

Twain Mark


Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

Twain Mark


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Twain Mark


What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

Twain Mark


Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Twain Mark


You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

Twain Mark


The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Twain Mark


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Twain Mark


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Twain Mark


I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Twain Mark


You can never do just one thing.

Twain Mark


The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Twain Mark


We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Twain Mark


Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Twain Mark


Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Twain Mark


The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Twain Mark


"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

Twain Mark


By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Twain Mark


Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

Twain Mark


It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Twain Mark


Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Twain Mark


Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Twain Mark


The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

Twain Mark


[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Twain Mark


I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Twain Mark


I knew her before she was a virgin.

Twain Mark


An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Twain Mark


There are no answers, only cross-references.

Twain Mark


Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Twain Mark


Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

Twain Mark


Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Twain Mark


It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Twain Mark


Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Twain Mark


The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Twain Mark


If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

Twain Mark


Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Twain Mark


If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Twain Mark


Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

Twain Mark


Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Twain Mark


"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Twain Mark


A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Twain Mark


I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Twain Mark


You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

Twain Mark


Satire is tragedy plus time.

Twain Mark


Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Tweed Boss


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Tyger Frank


Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Tyroon Henry


"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Tzu Chuang


When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Tzu Chuang


Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

them! it only encourages


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

they' and he points an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger. The old man goes home and his wife says "So aaaaaaaaaaaaaa





Random Quote


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.
Ambrose Bierce

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