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It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

T.S. Eliot


If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Tacitus


From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Tacitus


"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Talleyrand Charles-Maurice De


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Tao Te Ching


Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Tarkin Governor


To have died once is enough.

Tarkington Booth


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Tarsus Paul of


Fear is the greatest salesman.

Taylor Elizabeth


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Technology Aviation Week and Space


The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Temple Shirley


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Tennant Harry


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Terry Pratchett


"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Terry Pratchett


What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Texa J. Frank Dobie


Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

Thatcher Margaret


If you want divine justice, die.

The Outer Limits


My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

The Squirrels


I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Theophrastus


The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Thomas Dylan


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Thomas Dylan


Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Thomas J. Parnell


Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Thomas Marlo


The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Thomas Marlo


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Thomas Norman


All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

Thomas Carlyle


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Thomas Dave


Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Thomas De Quincey


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Thomas De Quincey


Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Thomas De Quincey


If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Thomas Jefferson


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Thomas King


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Thomas Macaulay


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Thomas W. Lamont


We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Thompson H.S.


I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Thompson Hunter S.


If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Thompson Hunter S.


The farther you go, the less you know.

Thompson Ken


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Thore Henry David


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Thoreau


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Thoreau H.D.


Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Thoreau Henry David


Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Thoreau Henry David


It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

Thoreau Henry David


Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Thoreau Henry David


Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Thoreau Henry David


Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Thoreau Henry David


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Thoreau Henry David


The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Thoreau Henry David


Small is beautiful.

Thoreau David Henry


It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Thurber James


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Thurber James


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Thurber James


It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Thurber James


I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Ti Chuck Shepherd


There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

Tikkanen Henrik


Real wealth can only increase.

Tiselius Arne


The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Titus Livius


That's no moon...

Tobaben


I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Tocqueville Alexis de


VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Todd Ruthven Campbell


A witty saying proves nothing.

Tokugawa Shogun


An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Tolkien J. R. R.


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Tolkien J. R. R.


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Tolkien J. R. R.


It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Tolkien J. R. R.


An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Tolkien J.R.R.


The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Tolkien J.R.R.


I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Tolkien J.R.R.


You can observe a lot just by watching.

Tolkien J.R.R.


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Tolstoy


I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Tolstoy


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Tolstoy


Language is a virus from another planet.

Tolstoy


I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Tolstoy Leo


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Tomash Erwin


Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Tomlin Lily


Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty, and the children are above-average.

Tomlin Lily


Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Tomlin Lily


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Tomlin Lily


I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Tomlin Lily


I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Tomlin Lily


What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Tomlin Lily


Genius is pain.

Tourbillon


Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Toynbee Arnold Joseph


All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Tr Leon


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Trend Motor


Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Trend Motor


America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

Trend Motor


The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

Trillin Calvin


To teach is to learn twice.

Trilling Lionel


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Trotsky


Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Trudeau P.E.


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Truman Harry


Confucius say too much.

Truman Harry


Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Truman Harry S.


Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Truman Harry S.


If there is no wind, row.

Truman Harry S.


But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Truman Harry S.


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Truman President Harry S.


A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Tsu Lao


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Tsu Lao


In charity there is no excess.

Tsu Lao


Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Tsu Lao


The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

Tsu Lao


It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Tsu Lao


Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

Tsu Lao


A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Tsu Lao


The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Tsu Lao


Words have a longer life than deeds.

Tsu Lao


Nothing succeeds like success.

Tsu Lao


Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Tsu Lao


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Tsu Lao


We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

Tsu Lao


"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Tuc The mayor of


The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Turgenev


I'll never get off this planet.

Turner Ted


Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

Turner Ted


If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Tusser Thomas


Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Tusser Thomas


Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Twain Mark


There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Twain Mark


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Twain Mark


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Twain Mark


Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Twain Mark


Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Twain Mark


Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

Twain Mark


Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

Twain Mark


Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Twain Mark


And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Twain Mark


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Twain Mark


The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

Twain Mark


"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Twain Mark


I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Twain Mark


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Twain Mark


Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Twain Mark


Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Twain Mark


The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Twain Mark


"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Twain Mark


It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Twain Mark


When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Twain Mark


Two heads are better than one.

Twain Mark


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Twain Mark


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Twain Mark


America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Twain Mark


Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Twain Mark


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Twain Mark


A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Twain Mark


There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Twain Mark


Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Twain Mark


Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Twain Mark


My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Twain Mark


The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Twain Mark


When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Twain Mark


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Twain Mark


A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Twain Mark


It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Twain Mark


Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Twain Mark


From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Twain Mark


Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Twain Mark


It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Twain Mark


The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Twain Mark


If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Twain Mark


Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

Twain Mark


In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Twain Mark


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Twain Mark


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Twain Mark


By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Twain Mark


For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Twain Mark


The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

Twain Mark


Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Twain Mark


Honesty's the best policy.

Twain Mark


Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Twain Mark


A word to the wise is enough.

Twain Mark


[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

Twain Mark


Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

Twain Mark


You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Twain Mark


Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Twain Mark


Leave no stone unturned.

Twain Mark


I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Twain Mark


Nice guys finish last.

Twain Mark


There are no answers, only cross-references.

Twain Mark


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Twain Mark


Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Twain Mark


"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Twain Mark


Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Twain Mark


Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Twain Mark


Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Twain Mark


No good deed goes unpunished.

Twain Mark


What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

Twain Mark


When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Twain Mark


In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Twain Mark


Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Twain Mark


A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Twain Mark


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Twain Mark


A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Twain Mark


A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Twain Mark


The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Twain Mark


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Twain Mark


Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Twain Mark


You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Twain Mark


One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Twain Mark


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Twain Mark


The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Tweed Boss


I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Tyger Frank


I owe the public nothing.

Tyroon Henry


Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Tzu Chuang


Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Tzu Chuang


Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

them! it only encourages


The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

they' and he points an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger. The old man goes home and his wife says "So aaaaaaaaaaaaaa





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Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
Clarke Arthur C.

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