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Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

T.S. Eliot


This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Tacitus


When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Tacitus


(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Talleyrand Charles-Maurice De


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Tao Te Ching


You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Tarkin Governor


He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Tarkington Booth


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Tarsus Paul of


You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Taylor Elizabeth


If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

Technology Aviation Week and Space


The coast was clear.

Temple Shirley


There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Tennant Harry


Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Terry Pratchett


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Terry Pratchett


Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Texa J. Frank Dobie


Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Thatcher Margaret


A man is known by the company he organizes.

The Outer Limits


Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

The Squirrels


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Theophrastus


Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

Thomas Dylan


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Thomas Dylan


Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Thomas J. Parnell


Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Thomas Marlo


Thomas Marlo


It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Thomas Norman


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Thomas Carlyle


Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Thomas Dave


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Thomas De Quincey


Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Thomas De Quincey


Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Thomas De Quincey


"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

Thomas Jefferson


Real wealth can only increase.

Thomas King


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Thomas Macaulay


Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Thomas W. Lamont


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


Charity begins at home.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Thompson H.S.


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Thompson Hunter S.


Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

Thompson Hunter S.


Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Thompson Ken


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Thore Henry David


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Thoreau


The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Thoreau H.D.


Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Thoreau Henry David


Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Thoreau Henry David


If you lose a son you can always get another, but there's only one Maltese Falcon.

Thoreau Henry David


My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Thoreau Henry David


A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Thoreau Henry David


Don't get mad, get even.

Thoreau Henry David


Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Thoreau Henry David


Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

Thoreau Henry David


Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Thoreau David Henry


Don't guess

Thurber James


I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Thurber James


Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

Thurber James


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Thurber James


You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Ti Chuck Shepherd


The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Tikkanen Henrik


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Tiselius Arne


The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Titus Livius


Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Tobaben


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Tocqueville Alexis de


I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Todd Ruthven Campbell


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Tokugawa Shogun


British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Tolkien J. R. R.


Think sideways!

Tolkien J. R. R.


Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Tolkien J. R. R.


Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Tolkien J. R. R.


"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Tolkien J.R.R.


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Tolkien J.R.R.


I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

Tolkien J.R.R.


The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Tolkien J.R.R.


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Tolstoy


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Tolstoy


There's no justice in this world.

Tolstoy


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Tolstoy


I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Tolstoy Leo


"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Tomash Erwin


Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Tomlin Lily


Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Tomlin Lily


"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Tomlin Lily


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Tomlin Lily


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Tomlin Lily


The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Tomlin Lily


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Tomlin Lily


When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Tourbillon


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Toynbee Arnold Joseph


Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Tr Leon


Sometimes, too long is too long.

Trend Motor


For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Trend Motor


It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Trend Motor


Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

Trillin Calvin


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Trilling Lionel


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Trotsky


People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Trudeau P.E.


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Truman Harry


Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Truman Harry


No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Truman Harry S.


We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

Truman Harry S.


The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Truman Harry S.


Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

Truman Harry S.


The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Truman President Harry S.


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Tsu Lao


Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Tsu Lao


The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Tsu Lao


If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Tsu Lao


I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Tsu Lao


You can observe a lot just by watching.

Tsu Lao


Innovation is hard to schedule.

Tsu Lao


Forgive and forget.

Tsu Lao


We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Tsu Lao


Business will be either better or worse.

Tsu Lao


A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Tsu Lao


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Tsu Lao


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Tsu Lao


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Tsu Lao


The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

Tuc The mayor of


It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Turgenev


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Turner Ted


Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Turner Ted


To generalize is to be an idiot.

Tusser Thomas


A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Tusser Thomas


Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Twain Mark


The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

Twain Mark


If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

Twain Mark


Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Twain Mark


You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Twain Mark


The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

Twain Mark


Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Twain Mark


Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Twain Mark


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Twain Mark


I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Twain Mark


Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Twain Mark


There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Twain Mark


If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Twain Mark


To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Twain Mark


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Twain Mark


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Twain Mark


Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Twain Mark


Twain Mark


Home is where the hurt is.

Twain Mark


If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Twain Mark


Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Twain Mark


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Twain Mark


A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Twain Mark


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Twain Mark


For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Twain Mark


It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Twain Mark


There is always something new out of Africa.

Twain Mark


Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Twain Mark


"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

Twain Mark


Men are superior to women.

Twain Mark


A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Twain Mark


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Twain Mark


"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."

Twain Mark


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Twain Mark


Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Twain Mark


I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Twain Mark


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Twain Mark


I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Twain Mark


An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

Twain Mark


Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Twain Mark


Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Twain Mark


One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Twain Mark


I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Twain Mark


A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Twain Mark


We are what we pretend to be.

Twain Mark


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Twain Mark


If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Twain Mark


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Twain Mark


A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Twain Mark


If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Twain Mark


In my end is my beginning.

Twain Mark


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Twain Mark


Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Twain Mark


In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Twain Mark


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Twain Mark


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Twain Mark


If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Twain Mark


Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Twain Mark


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Twain Mark


He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Twain Mark


"Life is too important to take seriously."

Twain Mark


If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Twain Mark


I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Twain Mark


There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Twain Mark


Mum's the word.

Twain Mark


The first requisite for immortality is death.

Twain Mark


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Twain Mark


Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Twain Mark


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Twain Mark


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Twain Mark


If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Twain Mark


If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Twain Mark


The superfluous is very necessary.

Twain Mark


Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Twain Mark


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Twain Mark


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Twain Mark


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Twain Mark


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Twain Mark


The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Twain Mark


Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Twain Mark


The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Twain Mark


Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Twain Mark


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Twain Mark


With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Tweed Boss


Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Tyger Frank


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Tyroon Henry


Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Tzu Chuang


The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Tzu Chuang


Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

them! it only encourages


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

they' and he points an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger. The old man goes home and his wife says "So aaaaaaaaaaaaaa





Random Quote


When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."
Tolstoy

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