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A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

T.S. Eliot


While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his.

Tacitus


America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

Tacitus


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Talleyrand Charles-Maurice De


There's small choice in rotten apples.

Tao Te Ching


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Tarkin Governor


The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Tarkington Booth


The coast was clear.

Tarsus Paul of


A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Taylor Elizabeth


The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

Technology Aviation Week and Space


AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! AWAKE!

Temple Shirley


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Tennant Harry


Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Terry Pratchett


There must be more to life than having everything.

Terry Pratchett


Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

Texa J. Frank Dobie


No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

Thatcher Margaret


The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

The Outer Limits


To do two things at once is to do neither.

The Squirrels


Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Theophrastus


No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice.

Thomas Dylan


Oh this age! How tasteless and ill-bred it is.

Thomas Dylan


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Thomas J. Parnell


"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement."

Thomas Marlo


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Thomas Marlo


The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

Thomas Norman


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Thomas Carlyle


There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

Thomas Dave


There are no answers, only cross-references.

Thomas De Quincey


VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Thomas De Quincey


We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.

Thomas De Quincey


No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so fo

Thomas Jefferson


I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.

Thomas King


By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Thomas Macaulay


That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.

Thomas W. Lamont


The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

Thompson H.S.


It takes all kinds to fill the freeways.

Thompson Hunter S.


"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Thompson Hunter S.


Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated, the formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd, the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole, the horizon would not wear so wide a grin.

Thompson Ken


Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Thore Henry David


Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

Thoreau


"Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt somebody else. He even told you he'd be hurt if..." "He was going to suck my blood!" "Which is what we do to anyone

Thoreau H.D.


It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

Thoreau Henry David


The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Thoreau Henry David


He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

Thoreau Henry David


The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Thoreau Henry David


Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Thoreau Henry David


I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me that I may s

Thoreau Henry David


Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Thoreau Henry David


If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

Thoreau Henry David


I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Thoreau David Henry


Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Thurber James


Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.

Thurber James


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Thurber James


Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Thurber James


Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Ti Chuck Shepherd


If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Tikkanen Henrik


The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Tiselius Arne


If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

Titus Livius


A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.

Tobaben


Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Tocqueville Alexis de


Many a man that can't direct you to a corner drugstore will get a respectful hearing when age has further impaired his mind.

Todd Ruthven Campbell


Every cloud engenders not a storm.

Tokugawa Shogun


Think sideways!

Tolkien J. R. R.


And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

Tolkien J. R. R.


The hater of property and of government takes care to have his warranty deed recorded, and the book written against fame and learning has the author's name on the title page.

Tolkien J. R. R.


The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Tolkien J. R. R.


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Tolkien J.R.R.


There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Tolkien J.R.R.


"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Tolkien J.R.R.


Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

Tolkien J.R.R.


At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Tolstoy


A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

Tolstoy


WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something.

Tolstoy


Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.

Tolstoy


Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

Tolstoy Leo


Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down, and its salient virtuosi a gang of umitigated scoundrels? Then let us not forget its high capacity to soo

Tomash Erwin


There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.

Tomlin Lily


The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.

Tomlin Lily


Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

Tomlin Lily


Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Tomlin Lily


An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Tomlin Lily


I'll turn over a new leaf.

Tomlin Lily


Talkers are no good doers.

Tomlin Lily


If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

Tourbillon


Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Toynbee Arnold Joseph


Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire to change his bed.

Tr Leon


War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

Trend Motor


I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

Trend Motor


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Trend Motor


When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

Trillin Calvin


Thank God I've always avoided persecuting my enemies.

Trilling Lionel


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Trotsky


A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Trudeau P.E.


If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

Truman Harry


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Truman Harry


Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.

Truman Harry S.


Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I'm the only person standing between Nixon and the White House.

Truman Harry S.


The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.

Truman Harry S.


If people say that here and there someone has been taken away and maltreated, I can only reply: You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.

Truman Harry S.


A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Truman President Harry S.


We should be glad we're living in the time that we are. If any of us had been born into a more enlightened age, I'm sure we would have immediately been taken out and shot.

Tsu Lao


If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Tsu Lao


There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Tsu Lao


Justice is incidental to law and order.

Tsu Lao


Don't be humble ... you're not that great.

Tsu Lao


The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

Tsu Lao


The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom.

Tsu Lao


Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Tsu Lao


I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.

Tsu Lao


He who renders warfare fatal to all engaged in it will be the greatest benefactor the world has yet known.

Tsu Lao


"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

Tsu Lao


The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

Tsu Lao


Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Tsu Lao


All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Tsu Lao


I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Tuc The mayor of


Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Turgenev


Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Turner Ted


Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Turner Ted


Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to

Tusser Thomas


We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.

Tusser Thomas


Richard Nixon was the most dishonest individual I have ever met in my life. He lied to his wife, his family, his friends, his colleagues in the Congress, lifetime members of his own political party, the American people, and the world.

Twain Mark


Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Twain Mark


XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Twain Mark


The scum also rises.

Twain Mark


We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.

Twain Mark


The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Twain Mark


To teach is to learn twice.

Twain Mark


The more I see of men the more I admire dogs.

Twain Mark


If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Twain Mark


Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Twain Mark


It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.

Twain Mark


"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike."

Twain Mark


Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Twain Mark


The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble.

Twain Mark


I think the world is run by C students.

Twain Mark


You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.

Twain Mark


This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

Twain Mark


Man is the measure of all things.

Twain Mark


It is a wise father that knows his own child.

Twain Mark


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Twain Mark


Somewhat alarmed at the continued growth of the number of employees on the Department of Agriculture payroll in 1962, Michigan Republican Robert Griffin proposed an amendment to the farm bill so that "the total number of employees in the Department

Twain Mark


Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Twain Mark


Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell.

Twain Mark


Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Twain Mark


When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

Twain Mark


He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

Twain Mark


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Twain Mark


question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;

Twain Mark


Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to set a bad example.

Twain Mark


We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

Twain Mark


Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Twain Mark


The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Twain Mark


You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

Twain Mark


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Twain Mark


I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

Twain Mark


An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.

Twain Mark


Why be a man when you can be a success?

Twain Mark


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Twain Mark


Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies.

Twain Mark


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Twain Mark


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Twain Mark


The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

Twain Mark


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Twain Mark


It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Twain Mark


"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Twain Mark


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Twain Mark


Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Twain Mark


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Twain Mark


It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

Twain Mark


What one fool can do, another can.

Twain Mark


Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Twain Mark


Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better than he does. As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about it. I am told that he appears to be strong and

Twain Mark


Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Twain Mark


Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Twain Mark


Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

Twain Mark


Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Twain Mark


Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Twain Mark


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Twain Mark


There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Twain Mark


British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Twain Mark


Rome was not built in one day.

Twain Mark


This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Twain Mark


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Twain Mark


Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Twain Mark


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Twain Mark


Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Twain Mark


Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Twain Mark


If a man slept by day, he had little time to work. That was a satisfying notion to Escargot.

Twain Mark


Man is a military animal, glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.

Twain Mark


Honesty's the best policy.

Twain Mark


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Twain Mark


Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Twain Mark


No character, however upright, is a match for constantly reiterated attacks, however false.

Twain Mark


Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Twain Mark


The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.

Twain Mark


You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Twain Mark


If we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage it, and involve others in our doom.

Twain Mark


Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Twain Mark


I dote on his very absence.

Twain Mark


"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Twain Mark


It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.

Twain Mark


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Twain Mark


This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Twain Mark


The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should therefore be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated. If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to declare war and they are screened at onc

Tweed Boss


"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Tyger Frank


Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

Tyroon Henry


The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

Tzu Chuang


I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Tzu Chuang


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

them! it only encourages


It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

they' and he points an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger. The old man goes home and his wife says "So aaaaaaaaaaaaaa





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Most people in this society who aren't actively mad are, at best, reformed or potential lunatics.
Sontag Susan

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