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Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

T.S. Eliot


An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Tacitus


When the sun shineth, make hay.

Tacitus


Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Talleyrand Charles-Maurice De


Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Tao Te Ching


Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Tarkin Governor


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Tarkington Booth


According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Tarsus Paul of


France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Taylor Elizabeth


There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Technology Aviation Week and Space


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Temple Shirley


You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Tennant Harry


Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.

Terry Pratchett


The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.

Terry Pratchett


The faster we go, the rounder we get.

Texa J. Frank Dobie


For courage mounteth with occasion.

Thatcher Margaret


The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

The Outer Limits


It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

The Squirrels


The first requisite for immortality is death.

Theophrastus


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Thomas Dylan


Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Thomas Dylan


Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Thomas J. Parnell


Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try.

Thomas Marlo


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Thomas Marlo


Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.

Thomas Norman


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Thomas Carlyle


October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

Thomas Dave


Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Thomas De Quincey


All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Thomas De Quincey


Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.

Thomas De Quincey


I have gained this by philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law.

Thomas Jefferson


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Thomas King


"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal

Thomas Macaulay


Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Thomas W. Lamont


Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


English literature's performing flea.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

Thompson H.S.


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Thompson Hunter S.


It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Thompson Hunter S.


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Thompson Ken


The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Thore Henry David


No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Thoreau


The fact that people are poor or discriminated against doesn't necessarily endow them with any special qualities of justice, nobility, charity or compassion.

Thoreau H.D.


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Thoreau Henry David


Necessity hath no law.

Thoreau Henry David


The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Thoreau Henry David


We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Thoreau Henry David


So little time, so little to do.

Thoreau Henry David


Well, don't worry about it... It's nothing.

Thoreau Henry David


It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Thoreau Henry David


The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Thoreau Henry David


Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Thoreau David Henry


The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Thurber James


A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Thurber James


It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Thurber James


However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or wha

Thurber James


Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

Ti Chuck Shepherd


Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

Tikkanen Henrik


Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Tiselius Arne


Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Titus Livius


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Tobaben


Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

Tocqueville Alexis de


What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Todd Ruthven Campbell


Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Tokugawa Shogun


Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Tolkien J. R. R.


When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

Tolkien J. R. R.


The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Tolkien J. R. R.


Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling to risk offending God's g

Tolkien J. R. R.


Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Tolkien J.R.R.


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Tolkien J.R.R.


A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Tolkien J.R.R.


There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Tolkien J.R.R.


Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Tolstoy


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Tolstoy


If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream and never be our destiny.

Tolstoy


If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

Tolstoy


... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

Tolstoy Leo


Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Tomash Erwin


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Tomlin Lily


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Tomlin Lily


Small is beautiful.

Tomlin Lily


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Tomlin Lily


What we wish, that we readily believe.

Tomlin Lily


For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?

Tomlin Lily


The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Tomlin Lily


The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Tourbillon


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Toynbee Arnold Joseph


The Russians have put a small ball up in the air. That does not raise my apprehensions one iota.

Tr Leon


It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Trend Motor


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Trend Motor


Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Trend Motor


Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Trillin Calvin


Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.

Trilling Lionel


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Trotsky


They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

Trudeau P.E.


Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Truman Harry


"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."

Truman Harry


Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

Truman Harry S.


Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Truman Harry S.


The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Truman Harry S.


Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Truman Harry S.


There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Truman President Harry S.


... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Tsu Lao


Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Tsu Lao


I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Tsu Lao


I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Tsu Lao


Must I hold a candle to my shames?

Tsu Lao


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Tsu Lao


My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Tsu Lao


To add insult to injury.

Tsu Lao


Things are not always what they seem.

Tsu Lao


Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

Tsu Lao


Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.

Tsu Lao


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Tsu Lao


The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Tsu Lao


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Tsu Lao


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Tuc The mayor of


A word to the wise is enough.

Turgenev


If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Turner Ted


Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

Turner Ted


We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Tusser Thomas


The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.

Tusser Thomas


Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.

Twain Mark


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Twain Mark


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Twain Mark


Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.

Twain Mark


They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

Twain Mark


Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

Twain Mark


Rome was not built in one day.

Twain Mark


Things past redress and now with me past care.

Twain Mark


It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are.

Twain Mark


If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.

Twain Mark


Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better than he does. As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about it. I am told that he appears to be strong and

Twain Mark


"That's no answer," Job said, "And for someone who's supposed to be omnipotent, let me tell you 'tabernacle' has only one l."

Twain Mark


How apt the poor are to be proud.

Twain Mark


There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Twain Mark


If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Twain Mark


Getting into trouble is easy.

Twain Mark


He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Twain Mark


Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

Twain Mark


Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Twain Mark


The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO" represents the secondary theme: Law Enforcement Officials The overall theme of SoupCon shall be: Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials

Twain Mark


Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Twain Mark


I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Twain Mark


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Twain Mark


A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

Twain Mark


We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.

Twain Mark


Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.

Twain Mark


... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob

Twain Mark


Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind- bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument follows:

Twain Mark


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Twain Mark


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Twain Mark


Art is anything you can get away with.

Twain Mark


It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Twain Mark


To have died once is enough.

Twain Mark


Look before you leap.

Twain Mark


I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Twain Mark


The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Twain Mark


Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

Twain Mark


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Twain Mark


Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Twain Mark


The farther you go, the less you know.

Twain Mark


A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Twain Mark


I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

Twain Mark


Genius is pain.

Twain Mark


We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Twain Mark


The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It wa

Twain Mark


If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Twain Mark


The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Twain Mark


Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Twain Mark


If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Twain Mark


He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.

Twain Mark


Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Twain Mark


Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

Twain Mark


A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Twain Mark


Carol's head ached as she trailed behind the unsmiling Calibrees along the block of booths. She chirruped at Kennicott, "Let's be wild! Let's ride on the merry-go-round and grab a gold ring!" Kennicott considered it, and mumbled to Calibree, "Thin

Twain Mark


Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.

Twain Mark


Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Twain Mark


The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free.

Twain Mark


I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

Twain Mark


For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Twain Mark


Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

Twain Mark


Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Twain Mark


To do two things at once is to do neither.

Twain Mark


Men will fuck mud.

Twain Mark


We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things themselves.

Twain Mark


Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Twain Mark


Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Twain Mark


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Twain Mark


You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Twain Mark


Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Twain Mark


I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Twain Mark


Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Twain Mark


All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

Twain Mark


Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Twain Mark


Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Twain Mark


We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

Twain Mark


If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Twain Mark


Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.

Twain Mark


The problem with me is that I am fifty or one hundred years ahead of my time. My speed is very fast. Some ministers have had to drop out of my government because they could not keep up.

Twain Mark


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Twain Mark


Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Twain Mark


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Twain Mark


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Twain Mark


Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Twain Mark


Innovation is hard to schedule.

Tweed Boss


A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Tyger Frank


Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Tyroon Henry


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Tzu Chuang


Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercio

Tzu Chuang


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

them! it only encourages


You get what you pay for.

they' and he points an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger. The old man goes home and his wife says "So aaaaaaaaaaaaaa





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The only excuse for God is that he doesn't exist.
Stendhal

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