I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'. We their sons are more worthless than they: so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.

Talkers are no good doers.

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

What I tell you three times is true.

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is marxism.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.

Another day, another dollar.

[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

A political man can have as his aim the realization of freedom, but he has no means to realize it other than through violence.

You guys have been practicing discrimination for years. Now it's our turn.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat,

I have nothing but utter contempt for the courts of this land.

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Serfs up!

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

"That's no answer," Job said, "And for someone who's supposed to be omnipotent, let me tell you 'tabernacle' has only one l."

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Faith is under the left nipple.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

What you don't know won't help you much either.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.

It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.

In the long run we are all dead.

He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.

Lansdale seized on the idea of using Nixon to build support for the [Vietnamese] elections ... really honest elections, this time. "Oh, sure, honest, yes, that's right," Nixon said, "so long as you win!" With that he winked, drove his elbow into La

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

I think we're in trouble.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Many of the characters are fools and they are always playing tricks on me and treating me badly.

The scum also rises.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

A violent man will die a violent death.

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

A is for Apple.

A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

Tempt not a desperate man.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be mud." And there was mud. And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what we have done." And God created every living creature that now moveth, and

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

To add insult to injury.

I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life. I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a robber.

I'm never through with a girl until I've had her three ways.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it's just the opposite."

Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS ag

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

[The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful for impotency.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

God helps them that help themselves.

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.

Vote early and vote often.

The fact that Hitler was a political genius unmasks the nature of politics in general as no other can.

If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all th

The reasons that each of these countries has had to renege on its financial committments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of a war, Poland because of its vast misguided overinvestment in heavy industry, Honduras because the coffee price

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years.

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace

The broad mass of a nation... will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.

THE MX IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY. One important reason we have a Defense Department is that when we give it money, it spends it, which creates jobs, whereas if we left the money in the hands of civilians, we don't know what they'd do with it. Probabl

... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that, too.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say socialism?

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

"Any news from the President on a successor?" he asked hopefully. "None," Anita replied. "She's having great difficulty finding someone qualified who is willing to accept the post." "Then I stay," said Dr. Fresh. "I'm not good for much, but I c

To know Edina is to reject it.

If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in James Watt's office.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

Long ago I proposed that unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum. The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young.

I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.