Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

Too much of everything is just enough.

America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

That's always the way when you discover something new; everyone thinks you're crazy.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

... relaxed in the manner of a man who has no need to put up a front of any kind.

If a man slept by day, he had little time to work. That was a satisfying notion to Escargot.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman... not enough to support a man and fiv

Robert Kennedy's 1964 Senatorial campaign planners told him that their intention was to present him to the television viewers as a sincere, generous person. "You going to use a double?" asked Kennedy. Thumbing through a promotional pamphlet prep

We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Liberals are the first to dump you if you con them or get into trouble. Conservatives are better. They never run out on you.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

When the President does it, that means it is not illegal.

What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

Use an accordion. Go to jail.

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

"Taxes should hurt. I just mailed my own tax return last night and I am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone."

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.

The broad mass of a nation... will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.

All is well that ends well.

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Men are superior to women.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point."

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.

A decade after Vietnam, we still cannot understand why "their" Salvadorans fight better than "our" Salvadorans. It is not a matter of their training or their equipment. It has to do with the quality of the society we are asking them to risk death d

"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.

Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.

per year.

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.

I love treason but hate a traitor.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.

Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.

The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

We ... make the modern error of dignifying the Individual. We do everything we can to butter him up. We give him a name, assure him that he has certain inalienable rights, educate him, let him pass on his name to his brats and when he dies we give

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

Save the Whales

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

The fact that Hitler was a political genius unmasks the nature of politics in general as no other can.

Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

Anything is possible on paper.

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

I have never understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Imagine what we can imagine!

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away.

If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing but illegal purposes.

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Nobody shot me.

The difference between a misfortune and a calamity? If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, it would be a calamity.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

A dead man cannot bite.

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.

Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

The Least Successful Defrosting Device The all-time record here is held by Mr. Peter Rowlands of Lancaster whose lips became frozen to his lock in 1979 while blowing warm air on it. "I got down on my knees to breathe into the lock. Somehow my lips

You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a personality.

Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape and one of the reels is missing?

Events are not affected, they develop.

Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.

Something better... 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? 2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow. 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something l

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we".

Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

I would have made a good pope.

Nothing succeeds like success.

Practice is the best of all instructors.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.

I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h