Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.

In the long run we are all dead.

Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercio

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Men will fuck mud.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Catholicism has changed tremendously in the recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

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Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Leave no stone unturned.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

What one fool can do, another can.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

But you shall not escape my iambics.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

We're all in this alone.

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

It is enough to make one sympathize with a tyrant for the determination of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends...

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or wha

An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

The streets were dark with something more than night.

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Cold is God's way of teling us to burn more Catholics.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape and one of the reels is missing?

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

One good turn asketh another.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Most general statements are false, including this one.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so fo

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Another day, another dollar.

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science."

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

What I tell you three times is true.

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Turn the other cheek.

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US invasion of Grenada. Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme a quart

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

No matter whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme court follows th' iliction returns.

What fools these mortals be.

Man is the measure of all things.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency.

Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Your wig steers the gig.

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat your own family with loving un

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

War hath no fury like a non-combatant.

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike."