Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

When the sun shineth, make hay.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Men will fuck mud.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Leave no stone unturned.

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Many hands make light work.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

"Plaese porrf raed."

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

The farther you go, the less you know.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

A word to the wise is enough.

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

There must be more to life than having everything.

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

May you live in uninteresting times.

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

In my end is my beginning.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Set the cart before the horse.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Faith is under the left nipple.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

If you want divine justice, die.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Getting into trouble is easy.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

NEW YORK

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

Look ere ye leap.

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Rome was not built in one day.

God helps them that help themselves.

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Most general statements are false, including this one.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

There's no such thing as an original sin.

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

What we do not understand we do not possess.

Practice yourself what you preach.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Men are superior to women.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

To teach is to learn twice.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

A place for everything and everything in its place.