My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

God helps them that help themselves.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

I will make you shorter by the head.

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

When in doubt, use brute force.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Things are not always what they seem.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Business will be either better or worse.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Too much of everything is just enough.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

So little time, so little to do.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

We are what we pretend to be.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Most general statements are false, including this one.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Beggars should be no choosers.

Look before you leap.

A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

No good deed goes unpunished.

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Set the cart before the horse.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Your wig steers the gig.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

There's no such thing as an original sin.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

The world wants to be deceived.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Nothing succeeds like excess.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

The superfluous is very necessary.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Nothing endures but change.

Out of sight is out of mind.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

To add insult to injury.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

In my end is my beginning.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Let your conscience be your guide.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.