"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Art is a jealous mistress.

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Mum's the word.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Small is beautiful.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

I stick my neck out for nobody.

All phone calls are obscene.

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

A word to the wise is enough.

There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Nothing endures but change.

Getting into trouble is easy.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

There is no proverb that is not true.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Let your conscience be your guide.

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

"Somewhere", said Father Vittorini, "did Blake not speak of the Machineries of Joy? That is, did not God promote environments, then intimidate these Natures by provoking the existence of flesh, toy men and women, such as are we all? And thus happi

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

I think we're in trouble.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Words have a longer life than deeds.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

There is no sin but ignorance.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

I hate quotations.

Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Events are not affected, they develop.

A dead man cannot bite.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Think sideways!

Don't guess

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

There must be more to life than having everything.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

The streets were dark with something more than night.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.