I steal.

I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case. It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober."

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.