He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Genius is pain.

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.